


Over the Rainbow

by lyraonyx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Disability, M/M, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Snarry-A-Thon19, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-10 14:21:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 52,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18662134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyraonyx/pseuds/lyraonyx
Summary: Harry rescues Severus from the shack, but not before Nagini's venom changes his life forever. With his legs paralysed and one arm forever weakened, Severus has lost his livelihood and his will to go on. But just when he thought his life was over, Harry rushes in like a hurricane and won't be pushed aside.





	1. Alone in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> While I’m not paralysed, chronic disability and illness is something I’ve lived with my entire life. This story is close to my heart, for sure. Also, this is emotional, sweet Snarry. Soft and fluffy despite the intense topic. There will NOT be a lot of clashing tempers here or hardcore grit. In this AU, Severus never truly hated Harry at all.
> 
> Prompt: Severus attempts suicide. Harry stops him.

Harry walked the Hogwarts grounds in search of survivors, fighting to ignore the hollow ache in his chest and the tears cooling on his face. The first streaks of dawn tinged the horizon grey, and he hadn't slept or eaten in three days, but he kept going. Any moment he wasted might be the moment someone else died.

So many had perished already. So many Harry had loved. Remus. Tonks. Fred. Dobby. Sirius.

Severus.

Gods. Harry hadn't had the slightest idea the man had been working _against_ Riddle all this time. Really, he should have done. He had seen that curse in Dumbledore's hand. He, more than anyone, knew it wasn't curable. Dark magic like that never was. He should have realised Dumbledore would die whether Snape killed him or not.

He hadn't seen the signs. Hadn't seen through Snape's façade. Hadn't even thought to _look._

And because of his inability to understand, the bravest man Harry had ever known lay dead in a dusty shack, alone and forgotten, unwanted, unloved.

Of everyone, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore, and Severus Snape had given the most for this godsforsaken war. Down to their very lives, they had given their all.

Only Harry had been given a second chance, but despite their rocky past, part of him thought Snape had deserved it more.

He covered his mouth to stifle a sob. Tears flowed like rain, like the blood seeping into the grounds, but who would care even if they did catch him weeping? Everyone was mourning. Everyone had lost someone they loved that night.

If they knew _who_ Harry mourned, then they might think him mad, but no one would ask. And no one in their right mind would assume Harry would mourn a man who had, until that night, been his mortal enemy.

Until Harry had seen his memories. Until the man had died in his arms, staring into Harry's eyes as if searching for absolution.

No. He couldn't let this stand.

Harry jerked his hand across his face and headed towards the Whomping Willow. He couldn't leave Snape to rot in that godsforsaken shack while everyone believed him to be the worst of criminals. Maybe it was too late to save him, but by gods, Harry would bring him home. The world would know what Severus Snape had sacrificed for them before Harry was through.

It wasn't enough to repay him—nothing would ever be enough—but it was a start.

The Whomping Willow swayed pitifully as Harry came close. Had the battle damaged it? Perhaps it was in mourning too. Perhaps the blood spilled that night had seeped into its roots, filling it with the same primal cry of pain that resonated in Harry's soul. He gave the tree's trunk a gentle pat as he climbed into the tunnel, knot held down with a rock levitated against its bark.

The tunnel smelled of ozone and blood—dark magic and death. Had Pettigrew told his compatriots of the tunnel before his demise? Harry ducked under his cloak and held his wand at the ready, just in case, but nothing besides creaking wood, deafening silence, and his own fears challenged him.

Ghosts, he thought, took longer to die than Death Eaters. As he climbed out of the tunnel, pocketed his cloak, and extinguished his wand, he wondered if his ghosts would ever leave him.

_Green light and white beard falling through the night. "Kill the spare!" Black eyes searching his. "Like a pig for slaughter." Long, bloodstained fingers clutching his robe. "Avada Kedavra!"_

Harry shook himself out of the dark past and forced his feet forwards. Gods, how much he wished he might have saved Snape before it came to this. Why hadn't he studied healing magic? He was in a _war_. Bloody hell, he should have done! Maybe he could have saved him if he had only known….

_"Vulnera Sanentur…."_

Harry cursed and kicked the ground. Why hadn't he thought of that _then_ , when Snape was dying in his arms? Had he truly hated the man enough to let him die, when he might have saved him?

He sighed and knelt beside Snape's still form. Even if Harry _had_ remembered the chant, he couldn't have possibly saved the man. That venom… it was a miracle Snape had survived even long enough to choke out his last words.

_"Look at me…."_

Harry sobbed and covered his face, unable to look at those closed eyelids that should have been open, should have been full of _life_ , of snark, of intelligence and bravery and wit. He couldn't look at the seeping wound. Couldn't face his failures.

"I'm so bloody sorry," he choked out, and reached for Snape's hand. "So sorry, sir. If I had only known…."

Those cold fingers twitched and closed on his, and Harry's world crashed to a halt.

" _Sir_? Oh gods, Snape! Are you alive? Come on, open your eyes. Look at me."

Nothing. The man was still and silent. Gods, it must have just been rigor mortis or something. Harry choked back tears and laid his head on Snape's. He was still warm.

"Forgive me."

A small groan of pain had Harry whipping his head up in an instant. "Oh _fuck_! You _are_ alive! How? I… how could you possibly—shite, why am I worrying about this _now_?" He ripped his hand out and aimed his wand at his own shirt.

" _Diffindo_!"

The carefully measured severing charm ripped off a long piece of fabric, leaving Harry's midriff bare. He jerked the makeshift bandage away with shaking hands and frowned at the dirty, bloodstained mess.

" _Tergeo! Scourgify!_ "

In half a moment, he had a clean strip of blue-grey fabric in his hands. "Hold still, sir."

Harry almost snorted at himself—as if Snape could move. With a shake of his head, he carefully wound the fabric around Snape's neck, tight enough to hold in his blood, but not tight enough to cut off his air or circulation.

"Sir, listen to me. If you can breathe okay, squeeze my hand." Harry moved his hand into Snape's and sighed at the barely-there squeeze that followed.

"Thank the _gods_." Harry knelt over the man and prayed this would work. Snape had done the healing charm like a chant, hadn't he? Harry didn't know much about chanting, but intuition told him to just go with it, to let his magic have free rein and trust his instincts, and they had rarely led him astray. He hadn't much choice in the matter anyway.

"All right, sir. Hold on. I'm going to try to heal you enough to transport you. I hope this works."

Snape gave a stuttered whimper, and Harry pressed his hand to the man's fingers, trying to soothe him.

"I know it's scary. I'm sorry. I just don't know what else to do. If I try to move you like this, I'll finish you off." A twitch of Snape's fingers answered him, and Harry took that as permission to try.

"Here we go then." He took a deep breath and let his magic rise. It came easier than before. Perhaps the horcrux had limited him, tainted his core. Without it, he could tap into his true power, he hoped. " _Vulnera Sanentur…._ "

* * *

The words of his own chant startled Severus. He hadn't known Potter had been paying so much attention, even then. Still, it wouldn't do any good. Without some kind of innate healing magic, Potter could never use such a chant. And a horcrux-tainted core would never be able to tap into healing powers.

If Severus had any ability to, he would have reeled as the first wave of healing spread over him and eased the terrible ache throughout his body. His limbs burned, lead weighted down his limbs, his chest ached with the effort to breathe, and his neck was a raging inferno of agony, but with each repetition of Harry's soft tenor, the pain decreased.

Dear gods, the boy _was_ healing him. How? How could a living horcrux heal anyone, let alone such a dire wound as this? It wasn't possible. He must be hallucina—

A gentle touch on his face arrested Severus' thoughts. His breath stilled and his heart stuttered as calloused fingertips brushed a bloody lock of hair from his face. And another. And another. Piece by piece, Harry's fingertips picked his sticky, itchy hair out of his eyes and tucked it behind his ears. Severus wished his eyes would open so he might see what the boy was about.

The boy paused in his chant long enough to cast another severing charm, clean what he had torn away, and apply an _Aguamenti_ charm to it. As soon as he had finished, Harry resumed his chant. At the same time, gentle fingertips daubed Severus' face with a citrus-scented strip of cotton, tenderly washing the blood and dirt from his skin.

A hot sting burned his eyelids. No one had ever touched him like this. Not even Poppy had ever dared to wash his face, to smooth his hair back, or caress his cheek. No one had held his hand and offered the comfort of affection. True, he hadn't welcomed it, but a part of him had always longed to be accepted, to be _held_ , just once.

He had imagined he would die before he experienced such a sensation, but just then, Harry swept Severus' trembling body into his arms and hauled him off the floor. Dear gods. Severus hadn't imagined the boy to have such physical strength. He had to be at least a stone heavier than Potter and nearly a head taller, yet Harry had lifted him up as if he weighed no more than a sack of potatoes.

The boy let out a pant and held Severus close to his chest. "Hold on, sir. I'm going to get you to the hospital wing now. We'll fix you up."

A whine of terror passed Severus’ lips. He hated being so limited to useless noises, but in his current condition, he couldn't speak.

With a reassuring squeeze, Harry nudged Severus closer and started out of the shack.

"I know, sir. I know you're scared. But I already told them all when I fought Riddle for the last time that you were always Dumbledore's man. They know. And if they don't, I'll protect you."

Severus' eyelids weighed a stone apiece, but he forced them open and fixed his blurry, dim vision on Harry's face. _'Why? Why go to such lengths for me?'_

Potter's lips curled in a hesitant smile. "There you are, sir. It's all right. I'll be right here with you every step of the way."

Severus fought back tears, clutched Harry's robes, and clung to the hope Harry brought into his darkest moments. Regardless of Harry's reasons, he had come back for Severus. After everything Severus had done to hurt him, Harry had still come back. Severus hadn't known such forgiveness existed, not for him, and the thought—and probably the blood loss—left him giddy and shaking with the possibility of redemption. Of absolution.

Perhaps, in the end, he had done enough to save his soul after all.

Harry kicked open the front door and carried Severus into Hogsmeade. "Just rest against me, sir. I'll take care of you now. It's going to be all right."

Severus whimpered and clung to those words. He knew it was a fool's hope, and yet, he couldn't help believing that Harry would save him despite the odds. He didn't know what was happening—how could Harry be here at all if he had fought Riddle already? He hadn't any answers and his brain couldn't focus with Nagini's venom still coursing through his veins, at any rate.

Exhausted and willing to trust in this young man who had, it seemed, defied the odds yet again, he let his head loll on Harry's shoulder and gave into his need for rest.

 _"It's going to be all right."_ He trusted in Harry's optimism and let sleep take him.


	2. Half of a Man

Severus woke to the sound of soft voices and quiet snuffles next to his head. Where in Merlin's name was he? What had happened to him? As he didn't remember, he remained still and silent a moment longer, attempting to gather information on his surroundings before he dared open his eyes—a tactic that had saved his life more than once in the past.

The voices sounded familiar—two females with the warble of old age. He couldn't remember where he had heard them before. He tried to pick out words, but they must have been speaking under a muffling charm. Instead, he focused on the breathing beside him. _Close_ beside him. Close enough to feel the person's breath ruffling his hair.

Severus swallowed hard, fear getting the better of him, and immediately regretted it. Mother of fucking _Merlin_ , that hurt. He clutched the sheet beneath him—too rough to be his own—and fought through the anguish, struggling to show no sign of consciousness. He had endured through worse. Still, the leaden feeling in his legs and the burning pain in his neck and left arm hurt bad enough to make him cry out, if he didn't fear using his voice would only hurt him worse.

Merlin, what had happened to him? Had the Dark Lord tortured him—wait. The Dark Lord. Nagini. _Potter_.

He gasped, ignoring the sharp resurgence of pain, and whispered Potter's name, or tried to. All that came out was a breathy whine. Gods, had Nagini destroyed his voice?

He opened his eyes, panic overriding his need for secrecy, and searched for clues. White sheets all around, stone walls, and the stringent smell of citrus antiseptic. The hospital wing. That meant the voices he had heard before were most likely Poppy and Minerva. But who was beside him?

He didn't dare turn his head, but flicking his eyes to the side revealed a head of messy black hair, streaked with dust and gods knows what else, and a familiar pair of spectacles on the bedside table. Potter. Severus gave a soft sigh and relaxed, his heartbeat slowly returning to normal. He was safe. Harry had promised to stay by his side, and though Severus could fault many of the boy's qualities, his loyalty was unshakeable.

Severus made another sound to get the attention of the women, trying not to wake the boy. Judging by the look of him, he hadn't left Severus' side since the night of the battle, and Severus had no idea how long had passed since then.

"Ah, you're awake then," said Poppy and bustled to Severus' bedside. "You had quite the close call, young man."

He shot her a sardonic look and lamented the loss of his razor-blade tongue. _Close-call_ indeed.

"Don't look at me like that. It's a miracle you survived at all." She shook her head wryly. "I have no idea why you did, to be honest. Usually, that horrid beast's venom has terrible haemorrhagic properties, Severus. You _should_ have bled out from such a wound in moments. But somehow, your blood coagulated at the surface of your injuries before you lost too much to sustain your life."

He tried to question her with his eyes.

She blew out a sigh and shrugged. "I have no idea. The magic around the surface of your wound bears Harry's signature, but then, he _did_ heal you after he found you. It's what I would have expected to find." She Summoned the medical cart and opened a phial of red potion. "This is antivenin, Severus. I have to spell it directly into your stomach—you're far too injured to take it orally."

He had no idea how he was supposed to agree when he could neither speak nor move his head.

"Just blink. Once for yes, twice for no."

In the end, had little choice but to submit to the demeaning method of communication. He gave an obvious blink and suppressed the urge to snarl.

"Good. Now, be still."

Severus glared. As if he had a bloody choice.

A stream of red liquid emerged from the phial and magicked itself into his stomach. He felt the cold weight of it, but the potion never touched his throat. She repeated the process with several potions Severus recognised—a blood replenisher, nerve regeneration draught, anti-dark magic draught, and a healing potion.

"There you are." She flicked her wand over his form several times and frowned. "Well, you aren't healing as fast as I'd hoped, but given the source of your injuries, perhaps that is to be expected."

He glared harder, willing her to shut up before she woke Harry. The boy looked as though he hadn't slept in weeks—and he probably hadn't.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Severus, damage of this level… it's a miracle you survived at all. Whether you regain full capability or not—I just don't know if it's possible. I'll try."

He breathed in harshly and clutched Harry's hand, unable to stop himself from tensing. _Full capability_? What did that mean?

"Either way, you'll have a long road to recovery, young man. I hope you're comfortable here."

Severus would have groaned if he hadn't known it would hurt like hell.

Harry twitched and sat up, green eyes rimmed in red and grey from lack of sleep. "S-sir? You're awake? Oh, thank Merlin." He squeezed Severus' hand once and released him. To his surprise, Severus found himself missing the warmth of his touch.

"How's your throat?"

Severus shot him a glare too. How in Merlin's name did he _think_ it was?

But Harry only snorted and gave him a wry smile. "Yeah, stupid question, huh? I guess you can't talk yet?"

"No, Mister Potter," said Poppy, and gave him a stern frown. "And it's past time for you to return to your dorm regardless."

Harry gave her a sharp look. "I'm not going anywhere. It's my fault he's…."

Severus moved to reach for Harry's hand—or tried. His left arm weighed so much, and he couldn't control where it moved. He was barely able to make it brush the boy's wrist, and suddenly, Poppy's earlier words hit him with full force.

Paralysis. That venom—gods, he should have known. He had seen its effects on others. As long as one received treatment quickly, the damage would be minimal. Arthur Weasley had barely a twitch from his brush with death.

How long had Severus lain in that shack, hovering on the border of death, before Potter rescued him?

He shot Poppy a terrified look, and the woman sat beside Severus' bed with a sigh. "You're right, Severus. The damage is extensive. But at this point, it's too early to say whether it can be reversed or not. I'd prefer to know… more, before I…."

Severus closed his eyes against a wave of fear. She didn't want to break him if it wasn't necessary. It was worse, then, than he had feared.

Harry fidgeted beside him. "Sir, Merlin, I'm so sorry. If I'd had any idea you were alive, I—" He laid his hand on Severus', but Severus pulled away.

He couldn't face it right now. And Harry needed to take care of himself. Badly. Severus knew of no way to convince him to do it than to make him go.

"Oh." Harry's head drooped and his shoulders slumped. "R-right. I… I guess I'll check in with you later, then?"

Severus pretended as if he hadn't heard. A sniffle sounded on his left.

"I'm sorry, sir," Harry murmured, and walked away.

When Severus opened his eyes, Poppy was glaring at him.

"He's been by your side every second since he brought you here, panicking that you had died on the way, and you couldn't even give him a little hope?"

Severus couldn't respond, but the look he gave her shut even her up.

"Oh. I see." She stood and sighed. "Well, I suppose it _is_ one way to make him tend to himself, but for Merlin's sake, when you can speak again, be kinder to the boy. You have no need to act like a villain any longer."

Severus gasped. He _hadn't_?

Poppy gave him a wry smile. "I have other patients to tend to, Severus. I suggest you ask Harry the next time he visits."

Severus glared with all his strength.

"Your voice should have recovered enough to whisper by evening. In the meantime, I suppose I can give you the gist, for the sake of your recovery. Yes, You-Know-Who is really dead. Yes, Harry killed him. Well, the monster truly killed himself, but Harry facilitated it. And yes, the war is over. Now, I must tend to Miss Brown now. She is in a right state."

The woman walked away, muttering about beasts that should be put down for the good of humankind. As she didn't usually advocate against animals, even wild ones, Severus assumed she meant Greyback and wholeheartedly agreed with her.

The war was over? He didn't understand how the Dark Lord could be dead and Harry living, but the idea that he might truly be free, at last, eased some of the crushing fear on his spirit. Even if it came at too high a cost.

Severus looked at his leaden, too-still legs, and hoped it wasn't as bad as he feared.

* * *

Harry paced his makeshift 'dorm room,' a small, temporary bedroom with seven beds, packed full for the remaining sixth and seventh year Gryffindor boys. Neville, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny watched him, their eyes red-rimmed from grieving and lack of sleep, and Harry's heart panged with guilt. Here he was mourning his inability to save Snape in time, and they had lost friends and family to the war.

His fault. Damn it, they were all his fault. They fought and died here simply because that madman had such an obsession with Harry. If only he had been born someone else, _anyone_ else, maybe then….

He looked to Neville and dropped his head. If Harry had been born as someone else, Neville would have had this burden shouldered onto him. And until this year, the boy couldn't have coped with it. He mightn't have survived long enough to grow into the warrior he had become.

Better that Harry suffer the burden of guilt than anyone else. Anyone who didn't deserve it.

Some part of him recognised the prevarication in his own thoughts—why should Neville deserve this less than Harry when, like Harry, he would have done nothing more to bring about his fate than be born at the end of July? Still, he ignored it. If he had been smarter, faster, better, maybe he could have saved them all. Or at least more. At least Fred. At least Remus and Tonks. At least Dobby, Lavender—who would most likely be a werewolf, _if_ she survived—Colin, Sirius, Cedric….

Snape.

Well, Snape had survived at least, but at what cost? Would the man ever be the same again?

Harry sighed and dropped onto his bed, laying his head in his hands. "I'm such an idiot."

"Harry?"

Ginny sat beside him and took his hand in hers. He let her, though something about her touch felt… strange.

"Harry, listen to me. It's not your fault—Fred, no one could have s-saved him. Don't beat yourself up."

Harry gave her a sad smile. "Thanks for trying, Gin, but it's not just Fred. And if not for me, Fred wouldn't have even been here to… to…."

"That's bollocks, mate," said Ron with a scowl. "Whether you had ever been the chosen one or not, Fred would've been in the thick of it."

"He's right," Hermione said, her voice raw from crying. "Fred would've been on the front lines regardless, Harry. And without you, we might all have died. So don't blame yourself."

"Should've been faster," he muttered, tears blurring the room. "Never forgive me now."

"What? Of course we forgive you." Ginny rubbed his hand. "Or we would, if there was anything _to_ forgive."

"Not you lot. I…."

"Who, Harry?"

He glanced at Neville and winced. "Not sure I should—I mean, I understand, but you lot—maybe he's just… I dunno."

"Snape," Hermione said, too-quick to deduce the truth, as usual. "You're _this_ torn up about Snape?"

"Hermione, please. You didn't see what I did. You didn't see his memories. The man is a hero, even if…." He looked at Neville, who was biting his lip with anger, and dropped his head. "Even if he had to hurt people to do it. Nev, I'm sorry. You don't want to hear about this."

"I don't understand how you can possibly forgive him," Neville spat. "Don't you know he _tortured_ us, Harry?"

Harry looked up, his eyes impossibly sad. "Did he, Neville? Did he really torture you? Personally?"

Neville opened his mouth and shut it again. "No. Not personally. But he sanctioned it."

"The Carrows?"

"Yeah. They were awful."

"What did Snape actually do this year? He can't talk, so I don't really know beyond what I saw in his memories."

Neville shuddered and wrapped his arms around his waist. Beside Harry, Ginny had done much the same. He hugged her to his side and ignored the little voice of _"wrong-wrong-wrong"_ in his head. He would get over it in time. And even if he didn't, she needed him then.

"It was a nightmare, Harry," Ginny whispered. "They would force us to cast _Crucio_ at each other, and torture us when they got tired of that. We didn't have enough to eat, or a safe place to sleep, or even to hide until Neville fixed the Room somehow to keep people out."

Neville sighed. "I keep telling you I didn't do anything different."

"You must have done _something_ ," Ginny argued. "It sealed so no one could find us and you were the one who opened it for us that night."

"But I honestly didn't, Ginny. I don't know why it changed."

"Snape," Harry breathed. "He warded it."

"What?" Ginny's features twisted in a scowl. "Why would the bastard do that? He was the one _torturing us_ , remember? Or did you not hear me say he forced us to _Crucio_ each other?"

Harry winced. "I heard it, but… it's just that… did it work? When you cast it?"

"No, but what difference does that make? Just because we're better people than—"

"He knew," Hermione said, her eyes wide. "He knew the curses wouldn't work. That's why he had you use Unforgiveables—you can't cast them unless you _mean_ to hurt people."

"Well, no, but does it really change it?" Neville closed his eyes and shuddered. "We still had to… I mean, we didn't _know_ it wouldn't work, so…."

A shiver of horror spread like clawing fingers from the base of Harry's neck. "Gods. I'm sorry, Neville, Ginny. It must have been awful. I guess I can understand why you'd hate him." He ducked his head and hugged his waist. "But I don't. He nearly died for me. He _should_ have died. I don't understand why he didn't—not even Pomfrey knows. She said something about my magic, but I _did_ try to save him, both before and after the battle, so… I don't know. He survived, somehow, but…."

Resolution fierce in his spirit, he lifted his head and faced his friends. "Whether you understand me or not, I have to help him. He saved me. I'd never have known how to _win_ last night if not for him. I'd have died on the battlefield, and maybe we all would've been lost. The Elder Wand—I don't know if we could have won without its loyalty, and if Riddle had really killed me, _he_ would have been its master."

"I thought you said he just needed to disarm you," said Ron with a frown.

"Yes, but he never attempted to disarm me," said Harry. "You know how he is—was—always had to make himself look more powerful. He _wanted_ me to have my wand so my defeat would make him look more powerful. He never took its loyalty from me, but if I hadn't known to be careful about it, one of the other Death Eaters might have done."

"But you still died, didn't you? Why didn't your wand's loyalty switch?"

Harry shrugged. "I didn't really die, I don't think. Not completely. Or maybe it was just a part of me trapped in that realm—I don't know. Either way, Voldemort's spell didn't actually hit _me_. It hit the horcrux. The wand must have read the spell as Voldemort killing a piece of himself. But that only happened, I think, because I knew to go to my own death willingly. Like with Mum, my sacrifice and hers protected my body when the spell hit. Because I knew that, I was able to survive and come back to kill him. Sort of. And I wouldn't have known if not for Snape."

He tucked his knees to his chest. "He loved my mum, you know? They were best friends for a long time. Then my dad and Sirius—they hurt him, badly, and Mum never understood. She abandoned him. And he never really recovered. And now, I know the truth about him, even if no one else believes me. Even if _he_ doesn't believe me. And _I'm_ not going to abandon him. Even if you lot turn me away for it."

"Harry…." Ginny sighed and rubbed his back. "You idiot. Even if none of us really get why you care about him when he made all of our lives a living hell for so long, we're not going to abandon _you_."

"Just don't ask me to meet him at the pub for drinks, and we're good," said Ron with a grimace.

Harry winced. "Ron, I don't think he'll… the venom… it's bad."

Hermione's hand shot up to cover her mouth. "How bad? Is he dying?"

"No, he's going to live, but…."

"But he's never going to be the same again, is he?"

"I don't think so. Pomfrey poked his legs with needles while I was there, and he never so much as _twitched_. I don't think he can feel them anymore."

"Paralysed," she breathed. "Dear gods. How high…?"

"I… he twitched when she poked his hips, I think."

"So he probably won't be able to walk again."

"I don't know," Harry said miserably. "And he's… if I'd only come sooner, maybe…."

"Oh, Harry," Hermione said, tears on her lashes. "It's not your fault."

"It is, though. I spent all night searching for survivors, and I never thought to look for _him_. I should have—I… at least _checked_ …."

"Harry, Merlin, I never would have imagined he could survive such a wound. It's a miracle he's alive at all. None of us would have thought…."

"Maybe," Harry whispered, "but I still feel awful."

Neville sighed and sat next to Harry. "Look, I don't understand why you care, but you're my friend, Harry, and we all owe you our lives. So if you need to save Snape, then we'll help you. Though it might be moot when the Ministry gets involved. I don't know if you can save him from _them_."

Rage flooded Harry's chest. "Those fuckers won't come anywhere _near_ him. They don't have any right to—it's because of them this battle got so bad and Snape had to act like a bastard this past year in the first place! I won't have those self-righteous hypocrites interfering in his recovery _or_ his life."

Ginny, Neville, Hermione, and Ron all shared a look. They nodded to each other, and Neville patted Harry's back with a heavy sigh.

"Merlin, the things we do for you, Harry."

"Er… what?"

"He's saying we'll help you protect him," said Ginny, her eyes sharp, "but he'd best nip that villain act in the bud, now Riddle's in the ground."

Harry gave them all a tearful smile. "You… you'll help me? Really? Gods, I…." He rubbed his eyes and nodded. "T-thanks. I… thank you."

"Least we can do," said Neville. "I mean, you _did_ die for us. Sort of. Anyway, what's defending an old crusty bastard to that?"

Harry snorted, though it came out half as a sob. "I don't deserve you lot."

"But you do," said Hermione with a sad smile. "And we're here for you regardless."

"Thanks," he whispered, and struggled to pull his emotions under control.

* * *

When Severus next woke, Harry, the youngest two Weasleys, Granger, and Longbottom were all at his side. He swallowed a wave of fear and leaned back, uncertain how to handle such an entourage. Particularly when he couldn't defend himself, and he had hurt all five of them over the years. If they attacked him, it would be no less than what he deserved. And yet, he couldn't help the trickle of dread down his spine.

"Hello, sir," Harry said, his eyes wary, but not angry. "I meant to come by myself, but they didn't want to let me go alone."

Longbottom fixed him with a sharp look. "I don't much like you, Snape, but Harry's taken you under his wing, and I like Harry. So I'll help you… but if you _ever_ hurt any of us again, then you'll wish that bloody snake had killed you before I killed her first."

Snape's eyes widened marginally. _Longbottom_ had killed Nagini? Merlin.

Well, he supposed he believed it. The timid, uncertain boy of the past had vanished in the last few months. Longbottom had proved himself a true lion this year, without a doubt.

"Understood," Severus whispered, wincing at the burn the words sent lancing through his throat.

"Be careful, sir," Harry urged, rushing to his side. "Don't hurt your throat, please. It was so bad… I…." He gave Severus a sad smile and ducked his head. "I don't have any right to say this, do I? It's my fault you—"

"Harry!" Granger smacked him across the head. "Stop that already. It's no one's fault but the monster who caused all of this in the first place."

Harry rubbed his abused skull and nodded, perhaps afraid to disagree and risk another swat.

"Don't hurt him, Snape," the Weasley girl said, her expression cold. "We're helping you for his sake alone. If you hurt him…."

"I will not," Severus whispered, ignoring the burn. His eyes watered and his hands trembled on the sheets, but he pressed on. "I apologise… to all of y—"

Harry laid a hand on his shoulder and shook his head, tears bright on his lashes. "Don't. Please. If you really need to tell us, you can do it later, when it doesn't hurt you so much to talk."

Severus sighed. "As you wish."

"Here." Harry offered his hand and held it just above Severus' left. "I'll… if you don't h-hate me too much, you can squeeze my hand to answer us, just like you did when I rescued you in the shack."

Harry's eyes revealed a desperate fear of being turned away and stubborn optimism. Severus hadn't shown his true nature in years, but at the memory of Harry's face after Severus had turned him away before, he couldn't hurt the boy so badly again. Gods knew he had caused him enough misery for a hundred lifetimes without breaking his heart all over again.

Severus trembled as he pried his sluggish, twitching fingers open and attempted to reach for Harry's hand. His arm barely moved at all, and terror set in once more. How bad was his paralysis? Would he be able to move? To walk? To brew again? Was any of it reversible?

A warm palm closed on his own and calloused fingertips rubbed his knuckles.

"I know it's terrifying, sir," Harry murmured, "and I don't know how much of it we can fix, but I do know you won't have to face it alone."

Severus hadn't felt such a surge of affection, of warmth in over twenty-five years. He lowered his gaze to hide the emotions within his eyes, the tears building on his lashes, and held Harry's hand tight.

"Let's go, guys," Granger whispered. "I think… they need to talk. And he doesn't trust us like he does Harry."

Severus looked back up, wondering how on earth the girl could have deduced that from their pasts and the five minutes she had been in the Infirmary with him. Harry gave a laugh choked with tears and stroked Severus' knuckles.

"She's like that, sir. Always sees more than we give her credit for. You get used to it."

Granger chuckled and ushered the others out of the hospital wing. Weasley, the elder, shot a dark look over his shoulder, one full of the same warnings his sister and Longbottom had given earlier. Severus lowered his head in a careful nod, ignoring the pain. They had a right to know Harry was safe here. Severus had given them reason to doubt.

"They'll warm up to you in time, I think," Harry said with a hesitant smile. "They just didn't see what I did. So they'll need to see it now." Uncertainty crept back into his voice. "D-did you mean it? When you apologised?"

Severus scowled. "When have I lied to you?"

Harry winced and ducked his head. "I-I'm sorry. It just… I just don't want you to hate me anymore, or to make me go again."

Severus squeezed the boy's hand, grateful he could make his fingers do at least this much. "Stay."

Harry gave him a shy smile and sat beside him, still holding his hand.

"Tell me of the battle," Severus whispered. "How are you alive?"

Harry's eyes filled with shadows and pain. "Well, sir, it seems that, as usual, Headmaster Dumbledore had all the answers and kept most of them for himself…."

* * *

The first three days, Harry stayed at Severus' side nearly the entire time, only leaving when Poppy _made_ him go, and even then, he tended to sneak back at night under his cloak, just to make sure Severus was all right. Severus always pretended to sleep when the boy came so he would go back to his dorm.

But the third night, Severus truly _had_ been asleep, and Harry had caught him in the throes of a nightmare— _Green light, white beard, darkness sucking him into the void_. _"Severus, please."_

Strong, gangly arms caught him into a gentle embrace that shocked the air from Severus' lungs and made his heart pound.

"Sir, sir," Harry whispered as he held Severus tight, "it's all right. It's over now. You're safe. I'm here."

Until he had heard it murmured to him in the dark of night, Severus hadn't imagined such useless words could provide any real comfort. But knowing Harry cared enough about him to try, to reassure him and hold him in his pain, eased the panic stealing his breath and the horrible pain in his chest. The hollow ache that hadn't left him since fate had forced him to kill the man he had regarded as a mentor, a father, a friend, faded a little in Harry's arms.

In spite of himself, he leaned into the comfort Harry's touch offered and struggled not to weep. The dream hurt, it always left him in tears, but at the moment, the warmth of affection and trust after years and years alone was a painful relief, more so than the dream itself. He clung to Harry's pyjama top, unwilling to let him go, unable to breathe without the strength of his arms to support him.

"Hey, it's all right." Harry cradled him close, taking care with his healing neck, and rocked him in his arms. "Ssh. I'm here, sir. I'm right here. You're not alone."

Long moments passed before Severus could rally the strength to let go, but Harry did not release him.

"Potter," Severus whispered. "I am… well enough now."

"You're not. I feel you shaking." Harry held him tighter. "It's _okay_ , sir. You're allowed to be afraid and be comforted when you need it. Merlin knows I need it sometimes too."

Severus hid a few stunned, grateful tears in Harry's shoulder and held the boy's hand, wonder and trust overriding his uncertainty and discomfort. He was safe here. Harry wouldn't let him break.

Harry held Severus until his shaking stopped, then laid him back upon the pillows and took out his wand. He didn't use it, his eyes asking Severus for permission.

"If you don't want to be alone tonight, I could make this bigger and stay with you."

Shocked to his core, Severus choked, " _Potter_! That is entirely inappropriate!"

"It is?" Harry grimaced. "Oh. Ron does it for me sometimes when I have nightmares. I thought you might—but that's okay. I can just sit here with you instead."

Severus' racing heart slowed down again. "I… perhaps I overreacted. But it would be best for you to return to your dorm, Potter."

"Not tonight. You need me. And I don't want to sleep alone either."

Severus noted the darkening circles under Harry's eyes and cursed his inability to brew. "Potter, there… I may still have some Dreamless Sleep in my former office, or Poppy might."

Harry gave him a wan smile. "It doesn't work on me, sir. I've had to use it too much and developed a tolerance. The only thing that helps is having someone I trust close, but just trying to kip here might be enough to sleep without… at least a little."

Harry _trusted_ him? Severus' heart panged with wonder and a desperate ache to keep him close. With a sigh, he gave in and closed his fingers tighter around Harry's.

"Very well. If you sleep better here, then I will not send you away."

From then on, Harry slept in the Infirmary too.

* * *

A week had passed in relative peace. Severus kept expecting the Ministry to burst through his door any moment, but besides Poppy, only Harry, and sometimes Granger, visited. Perhaps the aurors didn't realise he had survived yet. Severus had no doubt, if they knew where to look for him, he would spend the rest of his convalescence in Azkaban.

Minerva sometimes visited, too, though she had her hands full trying to rebuild the school and deal with the mess the Carrows had left behind. Severus _had_ tried to keep the disaster to a minimum, but with Riddle breathing down his neck, that hadn't been saying much. Still, she seemed to be handling it in stride.

If only Severus could say the same. His legs hadn't so much as twitched in over ten days. His arm remained weak and uncontrolled. And his throat still ached with every word he spoke. Poppy hadn't said anything about his prognosis yet, but each day his legs stayed stubbornly unresponsive, her frown grew.

He knew he shouldn't dare to hope. He'd had his throat torn out by a horcrux-tainted magical adder, for Merlin's sake. That he survived at all was a mystery for the ages.

And yet, he couldn't help the defiant voice inside him that screamed this had to be a temporary situation, that he would recover one day and be back to his usual self. He couldn't help hoping, even if he knew it was a fool's hope. And Harry's unshakeable faith in him made Severus want to live up to it. He wanted to brew again—medicines, this time, to save lives for all those he hadn't been able to before—he wanted to heal and make a new life for himself, somewhere, so that Harry could be proud of him one day.

And yet, a part of him knew it would never happen. He hadn't much hope of recovery by this point, and even if some miracle _did_ grant him the use of his limbs once more, he couldn't hope to escape unscathed, not when the Ministry caught up with him at last.

As the days went by with no answers on either quarter, Severus grew more and more withdrawn and depressed, unsure how to deal with such stark dread. Once, he would have snapped and driven everyone who came too close away, but now, he _needed_ people close. He needed Poppy to take care of him, as he couldn't do it himself. He needed Harry to hold him together. He couldn't snap and snarl, when he couldn't rely upon his body to do what he needed it to.

The knowledge disconcerted and discouraged him, and Severus wished someone would just _tell him_ already. He couldn't take the tension much longer.

Harry came in with his lunch and set it before Severus with a smile. "I managed to cajole the elves into giving us some chocolate trifle. Thought it might cheer you up a bit."

Severus gave him a dull nod and stared at the tray. Beef and vegetable stew, cut fine for his throat, mashed potatoes, and a decadent pile of chocolate fluff graced the plate. On any other day, he would have been thrilled to see such fare after days of plain broth and bland jelly. But now, he couldn't muster the interest to so much as poke at it.

Harry set his own tray aside and gave Severus a worried look. "Hey, sir, what is it? Is the food not good?"

Severus levitated the tray away and shook his head. "It is acceptable. I am simply… not hungry."

With a sad sigh, Harry climbed onto the bed beside Severus, sitting so their hips touched. It terrified Severus that he couldn't feel it, Harry's leg against his own.

"What's wrong, sir? You've been quiet the last few days. What is it?"

Severus stared at his useless legs and struggled to find words. "I need… answers. I need to _know_."

Harry closed his eyes and nodded. "I'll get Madam Pomfrey, okay? And I'll be right here with you the whole time."

Severus nodded, relieved that it no longer hurt him, and resisted the urge to twist the blanket into knots until Harry returned, a grim-faced Poppy at his side. His heart sank at her expression, yet that voice inside him screamed ever louder that it couldn't be true. He couldn't be….

"Severus, Harry tells me you want to know your prognosis."

Severus swallowed and winced at the pain. "I… yes."

Poppy motioned Harry to his side, and Harry clambered back onto the bed beside him. The fact that she wanted him to have comfort first… oh gods. Tears started in Severus' eyes, but he blinked them down viciously. _'It's not true, not real, just a dream.'_

Poppy sighed and settled into the chair beside them. "Severus, I… I'm afraid it's not good."

No. _'Not true, not real, just a dream.'_

"The fact that you were bitten by a neurotoxic, haemorrhagic, dark-magic infested snake is… well, it is difficult to combat damage from such a wound."

_'Not true, not real….'_

"Your arm is likely to recover, I believe, with intensive therapy. Though you may always have some motor control issues in your left arm, I think, in time, it will be manageable. It's your legs that are the real problem. I've done what I can, but at this point, I'm afraid the damage is most likely irreversible."

_'Just a dream….'_

"I had several scientists analyse her venom in search of answers while you have been resting. It appears You-Know-Who altered her venom to remove most of the haemorrhagic properties and, instead, changed it to a slow-acting neurotoxin. It destroys the nerves from the outside in, starting at the tips of the toes and working its way upwards and inwards. I suspect he wanted to kill her victims slowly, to give them the most terrifying, painful deaths possible, twisted monster that he was. The alterations, however gruesome, at least spared you from becoming a quadriplegic. Or from dying, as her venom would have most likely attacked your central nervous system first otherwise."

Severus listened, dazed and horrified at the news. _Quadriplegic?_

_'Not true! Not real!'_

She bowed her head. "I think you know what this means. You're paralysed, Severus. From the top of your thigh down in your left leg, and mid-thigh in your right. It might have been worse had the venom damaged your spinal cord rather than starting from your limbs inward."

Paralysed. Gods, no. _'Just a dream!'_

"I'm afraid there is nothing to be done to restore the nerves her venom destroyed. I'm sorry, Severus. As much as I wish I could tell you otherwise, it's highly unlikely that you'll ever walk on your own power again."

Paralysed. Severus' heart howled with grief, drowning out the dying cries of the voice of denial, of hope.

Beside him, Harry let out an anguished whimper. "T-there's nothing to be done? St. Mungo's couldn't…?"

"At the time, Harry," said Poppy sadly, "we cannot take Severus to St. Mungo's. The aurors would arrest him, and then his situation would be even worse." She shook her head and clutched at her skirts. "As well, I've already consulted with the neurological team there and asked every specialist I could find to review Severus' case anonymously. And they have all told me the same thing—there's no reversing magic this dark. I'm sorry. There's nothing more to be done besides teaching you to get around in spite of your limitations. A wheelchair will help, once we can obtain one."

Harry covered his face and wept the tears Severus hadn't the ability to shed. "I'm so sorry, sir. Gods, if I'd only come sooner…."

Rage boiled in Severus' gut. If he had come sooner indeed! What was he doing, while Severus languished in misery and slowly lost the use of his limbs, his livelihood, his _hope_?

"And where were you, Potter, while I waited?"

" _Severus_!" Poppy's voice cut like a whip, but Severus couldn't take it back. If Harry had come even a few moments sooner, an hour, two….

Harry cringed away and shrank into himself. Tears dripped out from under his hair, but he didn't acknowledge them. "I'm so sorry. I… I didn't know."

"Sorry doesn't bring my legs back!"

Harry flinched as if struck, jerked a hand across his face, and dashed away.

In his absence, Severus realised what he had done and hated himself for it. Fuck. Harry was the only person who had bothered to come after him at all, and he had just blamed him for his pain, for his disability. None of this was Harry's fault.

"Shite," he breathed and covered his face with his one good hand.

Beside him, Poppy stood and stalked to the door, her heels rapping a sharp rhythm against the tile floors.

"I hope you're proud of yourself, Severus. That boy has been the one person willing to stand by you in everything, in spite of all you've done to hurt him, and you just cut him to ribbons over something he couldn't help or prevent. Even if he had come to you the second the battle ended, you would have still been paralysed permanently."

Severus held back a whimper of remorse by the barest thread.

"If that boy comes back here now, it will be much more than you deserve." She started to turn the doorknob, but stopped halfway through. "And by the way, while you waited, Harry was on the field pulling survivors into the hospital wing. Lavender Brown, Dennis Creevey, and Aurora would all have died without his intervention. Think of _that_ the next time you consider blaming that boy for your misfortune."

The door slammed behind her, and Severus let his tears break. Fuck. Every time he found someone who cared about him, his thrice-damned tongue and tendency to blame the world for his pain rather than his own choices drove them away. First Lily, then her son. The only two people to ever care enough to save him from himself.

Severus vowed if he ever had another chance to make it up to Harry, he would do, and never lash out at the boy again.

With a bitter sob, he buried his face in his hand and wept, grieving for both his legs and the loss of the boy who had tried so hard to save them.

* * *

That night, Harry couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned, running Snape's words over and over in his mind. _'Where were you?'_ The question haunted him every waking moment, when he looked at Snape and knew if he had only been a little faster, a little smarter, a little braver, maybe the man might walk again. He might at least be able to use both arms.

He struggled to fall into dreams for another hour or so, but sleep continued to elude him. With a sigh, he gave up and climbed out of bed.

Ron's sleepy voice murmured, "Going to visit Snape again?"

Harry froze, heart bleeding. Was he? _Could_ he?

"Tell 'im I said 'lo." With a snore, Ron turned over and fell back asleep.

Hello. Ron was sending a message of _greeting_ to Severus Snape. Gods. Wonders never ceased. Something inside him wondered if Snape would want it, if he would care. Something inside him desperately needed to heal the breach. To explain. To make up his failings to the man somehow.

Harry kicked on his slippers and grabbed his invisibility cloak. _'I could start by making sure he's okay. Even if he doesn't want me there. If I'd only done it before….'_

He dashed out of the dorm, determined not to repeat the mistakes of his past. Pomfrey looked up from Lavender's bedside as Harry came in. The woman couldn't see him, but she nodded in his general direction and motioned him to the back, where they had hidden Snape in a private room. With a shaky sigh, he raced to the back room and inside.

Snape was crying out in his sleep, tears on his face, his voice raspy with pain. "No, no. Don't leave me."

Harry whimpered and caught him into a hug, praying he wouldn't be thrown across the room for it. "Sir, sir, it's okay, I'm here. I'm with you. You're safe now."

Snape came awake with a gasp and clutched at him. "H-Harry?"

Hope stirred in Harry's heart at the sound of his first name. "Yeah. I couldn't sleep. You were having bad dreams, so I reckon it's good I thought to check on you."

Snape wrapped Harry in his arms and held him tight. "I am so sorry. I should not have—gods, forgive me."

Harry clutched at Snape's hair—soft and silky, not oily like he had once believed—and held him tight. "It's okay, sir. She might have left you, but I'm here. I won't go even if you hate me again."

"She?" Snape pulled back and gave Harry a bemused look. "What do you mean, child? Who is she?"

Harry frowned. "Weren't you dreaming of Mum? When she left you?"

Snape dropped his gaze. "I was dreaming of you."

"Oh." Harry's breath came out in a rush. "Me? You mean… you _don't_ hate me?"

Snape flinched. "I never have. I only—I was terrified and angry at my fate, Harry. I never should have lashed out at you. Please forgive me."

Harry swallowed tears at the terror in Snape's voice, the obvious fear Harry would leave him, just as his mother had done, and no doubt Snape would believe he deserved it. Well, perhaps he _had_ been an arse earlier, but given the situation, Harry understood. He might have lashed out at anyone in earshot if he'd been told he would never walk again, too.

"It's okay." Harry brought Snape back into his arms and held him tight. "It's all right, sir. I know you were just upset. I don't blame you. I'm just glad you don't hate me." He paused. "You've really never hated me, sir?"

"You are not your father, Harry. You have never been your father. That was obvious from day one. But if I intended to keep you alive, I had to pretend you were. I am sorry, for all the pain I have caused you over the years."

Something sharp and painful released in Harry's chest, relieving a bitter ache he had carried so long, he'd forgotten it was there. With a sigh, he cradled Snape close and brushed away his tears.

"It's all right now. It's over, we both survived, and we'll get you through this too."

Snape's voice came out flat and dim. "Yes."

"It's true. You'll be okay one day. I promise."

But Snape's reply of gratitude was hollow and sad, and Harry knew the man would have a difficult time learning to cope with his disabilities.

Well, perhaps that was to be expected. But Harry would be there for him no matter what.

"You're not alone, sir. You'll never have to face this alone."

Snape pressed his face into Harry's shoulder and wept. Above him, Harry wept too.


	3. Us Against the World

The next morning, Harry awoke to a stern female voice rapping out a drone against his aching skull. " _Mister_ Potter. What in Merlin's name do you think you are _doing_?"

A second woman snapped, "Well, I know why you were late to meet me this morning now, I suppose."

Harry groaned and buried his face further into his pillow. His warm pillow. His _breathing_ pillow.

"Huh?"

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Ow, his nose hurt. Had he slept in his glasses? Yes, with them crushed against his face no less. Harry scrubbed them clean on his shirt and blinked as the world came into focus.

Madam Pomfrey stood at the doorway to Snape's hospital room, tapping her foot, arms crossed over her chest. Ginny stood beside her in a similar position with betrayal in her eyes.

And beside him, Snape was fast asleep, his head pillowed on Harry's thigh, face still streaked with tears. Something warm and tender rushed through Harry at the sight of him, but he hadn't the time to acknowledge it at the moment. Carefully, he slipped out of bed and guided Snape to sleep on a pillow.

"Harry?" Snape woke halfway and reached for him. "Don't go."

"Ssh. I'm right here. It's all right. Go back to sleep."

Harry held Snape's hand, and slowly, the man drifted back off. Only when his breathing regulated and his grip went lax did Harry step away.

"Outside, if you please," he whispered. "We've both had a rough night."

Something in Ginny's expression eased, but wariness still lurked in the depths of her eyes.

As soon as the door shut behind Harry, Ginny snapped, "How did you end up in bed with him?"

"Ssh! Keep your voices down." Harry cast _Muffliato._ "I didn't _intend_ to sleep there. I just came in last night to check on him and he was… well, I shouldn't say too much, but he was really upset. He apologised for lashing out and asked me to stay. So I watched over him. I reckon we must have just fallen asleep like that."

He shot her a dark look. "But I really don't appreciate the suspicion. I was only trying to take care of him, Ginny."

She sniffled and crossed her arms over her chest. "But why are you not taking care of me?"

He cringed. "Oh. I… I didn't mean to—Merlin, you're right. You just lost your brother and I…." He sighed and dropped his head. "I'll spend some time with you soon, Gin. But let me get him through this first, please. He's—he just learned yesterday he'll never walk again, and I don't think he's coping well. He _needs_ me, and I'm all he's got."

She covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide with shock. "He's paralysed? Forever?"

"Yeah. So he really needs my help right now. I'm sorry."

She hugged Harry and kissed him lightly. He tried to ignore the squirming in his belly at her touch, but it had begun to worry him. Why did he feel this way every time she kissed him? He should enjoy it, shouldn't he? Didn't he used to like it?

When she moved back, he saw the same worry reflected in her eyes. "Are you okay, Harry?"

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Honestly? No. Not at all. But taking care of him helps me keep my mind off my own grief."

A calculating look flickered in Ginny's eyes, then her expression went blank. "I see. Well, then I suppose I should… well, maybe Ron will feel better if we go for a fly."

Harry gave her a miserable look. "Gin, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm not sure what's wrong with me."

She squeezed his hand. "We've all been changed by this war, Harry. It'll be all right, one day. For now, I think you're right. Maybe he needs you more." Pain flashed in her eyes when she said it. Harry wished he wasn't the cause.

"Ginny, I—"

"Don't. Don't blame yourself. Just do what you have to do, Harry. It's all right."

He gave her a wan smile. "Thanks. I'll make it up, soon."

"You'd better." She kissed his cheek and walked away.

Harry looked to Madam Pomfrey. "Are you going to punish me?"

She sighed and patted his shoulder. "If you go and get a breakfast tray for Severus and yourself this instant, I'll pretend I saw nothing."

Harry chuckled weakly and dashed to the kitchens.

* * *

Severus woke to an empty room and panic set in. Had Harry left him after all? He had promised he wouldn't, but what if he realised what a burden it would be to stay by Severus' side, when he was barely half a man any longer? Severus clutched the pillow with his one good hand and struggled against his encroaching terror. Maybe Harry had only gone to the loo.

And maybe he had simply gone to pursue his own life. Severus shouldn't begrudge him his time to himself, nor could he ask Harry to care for him when he had his entire life ahead of him—one not saddled with a broken, miserable former Death Eater—but gods, he was so afraid.

The door opened, and Harry came in, two breakfast trays balanced on his arm. He handled both with the skill of a professional, and Severus' heart ached at the knowledge of where he had learned it this young.

"Oh!" Harry nearly dropped the trays at the sight of Severus staring back at him. "Merlin, I thought you'd sleep for a while yet." He set the trays down on the nightstand—porridge, mango, bangers, and buttered bread with jam—and sat beside Severus. "Hey there. How are you feeling today? Do you need anything?"

Severus shook his head. Poppy's spells took care of his personal needs for the moment, until they could work out a way to get him moving again. _If_ they could.

Would he spend the rest of his life in this bed?

Harry rubbed Severus' back gently and gave him a wry smile. "So this morning was rather awkward."

Severus frowned. "Did I trouble you?"

"No, not at all. For some reason, I always sleep better near you, sir. It's just that Madam Pomfrey and Ginny came in here before I woke up."

Severus' cheeks burned. "Oh. And we fell asleep here, did we not? I recall realising you had fallen asleep last night, and I did not wish to move you when you had said you were having trouble sleeping."

"Yeah. The last thing I remember is hugging you, then waking up with your head in my lap and Pomfrey and Ginny staring at me like I'd molested you in your sleep or something."

Severus scoffed. "Surely they know you have other options."

Harry frowned and gave Severus a searching look. "Sir, why should that matter?"

Severus' face twisted in pain. " _Look_ at me, Potter! I am old, I am a former Death Eater, I am ugly, and I am broken from the waist down! Who would ever—they are fools to think anyone would even consider it."

"Oh, sir…." Harry brought him into his arms and held him tight. "Do you know, I used to think your hair was oily, but it's not. It's soft and silky."

"What on earth…?" Severus leaned back, face burning, and gave Harry an incredulous look. "What in Merlin's name are you on about?"

"Just that I don't think you're ugly." Harry guided the shocked man to rest against his side again. "Maybe it's because I don't see you through that veil of anger and hurt anymore, but your features look aristocratic to me these days, not ugly. And old? Merlin, Dumbledore was like a hundred and twenty when…." At Severus' flinch, Harry coughed and rambled on. "Well, anyway, you're what, thirty-seven?"

"Thirty-eight."

"So? That's not old."

"Too old for a seventeen-year-old boy."

Harry flushed to his hairline. "W-well, I mean, that's not what I was here for last night, but I happen to think age is relative. I might be seventeen in years, but I'm not in experience." He frowned and looked towards the door, his eyes far away. "Ginny, though, she's still young. She hasn't seen half the hell I have, though this past year _was_ awful for her—"

"Yes, and you may thank me for that, too!"

"I thank you for keeping her alive." Harry rubbed Severus' shoulder and held him tight. "Listen to me, sir. You have a lot of difficulties to overcome, I'll grant you that, but you're not bad. You're not unlovable. Just suffering right now. And I'm right here to help you."

Severus harrumphed to hide how much Harry's words had touched him. "It sounds as though your partner is less than pleased with the situation as it stands."

"Well, she _was_ when she thought I'd been… um…." Harry ruffled his hair and gave Severus a sheepish grin.

Severus said in a tone as dry as the Sahara, "Shagging your snarling bastard of a potions professor?"

Harry barked out a shocked laugh. "Yes, that. Merlin! Not that anything you just said about yourself is true—at least not anymore, not that your masks are off—but, yeah. A-anyway, I set her straight and I think she understands. Either way, I won't leave your side. If she can't accept that this is where I need to be—at least as long as you'll let me stay—then I don't think we'd have worked out anyway."

Severus sighed. "Harry, you need to live your own life. You cannot hide here forever."

Harry flinched. "M'not hiding."

"Aren't you? Have you dealt with your grief while you have been caring for me?"

Harry ducked and stared at his knees. "Every second of every day, sir. It never leaves me. But being here makes it hurt less."

Severus swallowed whatever retort he had planned on making and, instead, simply took Harry's hand. "Then stay. So long as you promise me you will not neglect your own recovery on caring for a man who has no hope."

Harry whipped his head up, his eyes flashing. "Damned if I'll promise you that! You _do_ have hope. And I won't let you give up. You'll see. A few weeks of physical therapy, and you'll be right as rain. Just watch."

Severus didn't voice his objections, though he had many. It was easier to let Harry's care and determination ward away the hollow inside him, at least for a moment.

"As you wish."

"Yeah." Harry moved off the bed and levitated Severus' tray to sit in front of him. "Here. At least try to eat something, okay? I know you're not feeling your best, but try. Please."

He settled in the chair at Severus' bedside and set his own tray in his lap. Severus watched him pick at the mango for a minute before attempting to eat some of his porridge. The elves had made it as rich and flavourful as usual, but even so, Severus could hardly manage more than a few bites. It still hurt to swallow even soft foods. He mashed some of his mango with a spoon and ate a bit of it, but couldn't stand anything beyond a bite or two. Harry watched him push aside his mostly-full tray with a sad smile.

"It still hurts?"

Severus nodded and stared at his lap. He wasn't hungry anyway. What was the point? Eating would only prolong the inevitable, even if it didn't feel like broken glass going down.

He watched Harry swirl his spoon in his porridge.

"Harry, eat, child. That I am unable does not mean you should also go hungry."

Harry frowned. "Are you hungry, sir?"

"No, but you are. Eat your food, Harry."

Harry gave him a hesitant smile. "I like that you call me by my first name now. Much better than Potter."

Severus inclined his head. "I shall make a point to remember." He hesitated. "Harry, I… you may, if you wish, call me by my given name as well. I am neither your headmaster nor your instructor any longer."

Harry nearly choked on his toast. "You—ach." He gulped down some apple juice. "You really want me to call you… S-Severus?"

"That is what I just said."

"I know, but I was afraid I'd heard you wrong." Harry gave him a warm smile. "I'd like that, si—oh. Severus. Though it might take a bit of getting used to."

Severus glared and crossed his arms over his chest, protecting the soft heart within. "My name is Roman. It was the name of an emperor and common during the classical Roman era. I do not see why it should be so offensive."

Harry jerked back, confusion and dismay written all over his face. "Severus? I… I don't understand where that's coming from. I like your name. It's elegant and distinguished, like you."

Severus' cheeks burned, and all his defences dropped. "Elegant and distinguished. That is a first."

Harry grimaced. "You thought I'd be like Da and Sirius and make fun of it. Like that awful name they used for you."

Severus dropped his gaze. "I did not believe you would hurt me intentionally, Harry. I only mistakenly assumed you disliked my name. Most people of my acquaintance have found it… off-putting. Forgive me."

Harry pushed his mostly-empty tray aside and returned to sit by Severus on the bed. "No, it's okay. You didn't say anything mean." He pressed his leg against Severus', his expression sad. "You can't feel this at all?"

"No," Severus whispered. "They are like lead. Heavy and impossible to lift, and cold. At least, it seems cold."

Harry conjured a blue and red checked blanket and dropped it over Severus' legs. "Does it help at all?"

"How should I know, when I can feel nothing?"

Harry winced and turned his face away. "I'm sorry. I… I reckon it's hard for me to grasp what you're going through."

" _Hard_?" Severus snarled, though some little voice inside him screamed that he was angry at the wrong person again. "You cannot possibly understand! I am _nothing_ from the waist-down. I am useless. I will never walk again, never brew, never even be able to care for myself! And even if I had any hope in all the realms of recovery—and I do not—the aurors will eventually find me, and _then_ where shall I be? Not only shall I be in Azkaban for the rest of my life, but I shall spend it paralysed, rotting in a cell while the dementors feed on every shred of happiness I have ever managed to eke out of my miserable existence! Hard to grasp? Yes, I should bloody well say so."

His burst of anger faded, leaving a hollow of guilt and anguish behind. "Harry… gods. I am sorry."

Harry just tugged Severus into his arms and held him tight. "It's okay. Vent if you need to. I know you're not really mad at me, just hurting. You can always talk to me, Severus."

"Harry, I am so frightened. Where are they? Why have the aurors not come?"

Harry breathed soft susurrations in Severus' ear and stroked his hair, soothing him in spite of his despair.

"First of all, we've kept it secret that you survived. No one outside of those we trust with our lives even knows you're alive." His arms tightened around Severus, as if Harry wanted to shield him from the world. "They'll figure it out eventually. And when they do, I'll be here to protect you. They won't take you to Azkaban if I have anything to say about it. You're a hero, Severus. And the world will know it before I'm through."

Severus buried his face in Harry's shoulder. He felt so weak, so vulnerable with half his body broken, and he _was._ He had no choice but to depend on Harry's strength at the moment, to rely on his goodness and indomitable faith in him, and it terrified Severus.

Merlin, he had always been so self-sufficient. His entire life, he had done everything alone, and done it well. He had driven anyone who might have come too close away with his sharp tongue and sharper personality, but he couldn't depend on himself any longer. Much as he might wish to deny it, he needed help. He needed people. He needed _Harry_.

And, fuck, he was terrified to lose him. Terrified Harry would get tired of dealing with his wild emotions, his useless body, his pain and fears and everything else that went along with permanent disability. Terrified that the burden of having a disabled friend would wear even Harry's unshakeable loyalty down.

If he lost Harry, this time, he couldn't survive on his own.

And if he went to Azkaban like _this…_ gods. The mere thought was unbearable. He wouldn't last the week.

If that was his fate, perhaps it was for the best.

He pressed closer to Harry's shoulder and clung to his shirt, shaking in his arms. Gods, he was so afraid. No matter what happened to him, his life had been forever altered, and he had no idea how to cope.

Or if he even wanted to.

Harry bussed a kiss against Severus' hair and rubbed his back. "Ssh. I'm here. No matter what happens, I won't leave your side."

Severus shivered at the gentle touch. Dear gods. No one had ever kissed him—even his hair. Not even past sexual partners had bothered. Gods help him, Severus hadn't experienced a shred of love until Harry charged into his life, guns blazing, determined to save Severus from himself.

This, perhaps, was a reason to keep going. For more of this sweet, soft feeling inside when Harry touched him like a loved one, like someone who _belonged_.

And yet….

"I deserve Azkaban, Harry," he whispered. "I have committed war crimes."

"Under duress and while acting as a spy, Severus. It's not the same as someone like Lucius Malfoy or Bellatrix Lestrange, who _enjoyed_ hurting people. You had to pretend to be evil to help us take down the enemy from the inside. You're a hero, not a criminal."

"Tell that to the parents of children who suffered under my regime this year."

"I will do."

Severus snorted, though it came out more like a sniffle. "I do not believe the Wizengamot will acquit me no matter what you do."

Harry stroked his hair and held him tight. "Then I'll come take care of you in Azkaban and drive the dementors away."

Severus' breath lodged in his throat and tears wetted Harry's shirt. "Harry… you can't mean that."

"I do. I promised I wouldn't leave you. I mean it." Harry tucked Severus' hair behind his ear and brushed his tears away. "Besides, maybe when the public riots because they imprisoned _two_ war heroes, whether they intended to or not, they'll take their heads out of their arses and pardon you, as they should have done all along."

Severus gave a startled laugh. "So you would stay with me in protest?"

Harry chuckled and caressed Severus' cheek. Despite himself, Severus couldn't help but turn into his touch. _So soft, so gentle, so warm._

"I would stay with you because you need me, and because that's where I want to be. The protest part is just a bonus."

"You want to be in Azkaban?"

"If you're there, yeah." Harry laid his head on Severus' and sighed. "I couldn't abandon you to suffer like that, Severus. If you go to Azkaban, so do I."

"Harry, you have your entire life ahead of you."

"And so do you, Severus. So do you."

Severus clung tighter to Harry. Perhaps he _did_ have a long life ahead of him, but if Azkaban and paralysis was what he had to look forward to, he wished he didn't.

* * *

The aurors came later that afternoon. Harry had convinced Severus to play a game of chess with Ronald Weasley, claiming he wanted to see which of them would win. So Ronald had come, along with his sister, Granger, Longbottom, and Lovegood. All six students sat in conjured seats in his hospital room, chatting among themselves and sometimes watching the game. Harry had set the board across Severus' lap and a little towards the side of the bed so Ron could reach too, and so far, they were at a stalemate.

"I must admit," Severus said after several turns where neither man gained a lead, "I did not expect to find such a challenge in you, Mister Weasley."

Ron's eyes lit with suppressed anger. "Not all boorish Gryffindors, are we?"

"No. You are not."

Severus' simple answer took the wind out of Ron's sails. "Oh. Well, that's… yeah."

"Was it real?" Neville stood and stared Severus down, and in this tall, imposing man, Severus could find no trace of the timid young boy he used to be. "The way you treated us. The way you treated _me._ Was it real?"

Severus lowered his head and sighed. "Mister Longbottom, besides Harry, you were the one student I wronged the most. Because you were _almost_ the chosen one, I had to fabricate hatred for you and could not appear to support you in any way, but I have… deeply regretted it. You deserved better. And if you should ever wish to pursue a proper education in potions, I should be glad to tutor you. Without prejudice, or cruelty."

Neville whispered, "Was it _real_?"

"No. None of it was real. I am sorry, for all the grief and pain I inflicted upon you. All of you."

Neville's eyes shimmered, but he only gave Severus a terse nod and sat down, his hands shaking, but his posture firm. Severus was proud of him, and wished he could say so in a manner that these young people would believe.

"Perhaps, sir," said Luna, her eyes eerily reminiscent of Albus' all-knowing stare, "you might simply tell us what _is_ real, and how you truly see us."

Every Gryffindor in the room tensed, Harry included, and Severus clutched at the sheets.

"I…." He cleared his throat and looked away, that he might not see their expressions, their fear and mistrust. He had earned it, and yet, it hurt. "I… am not accustomed to sharing my true opinions, but I will try."

Severus closed his eyes and clutched at the sheet. His true feelings. Shite. Of all the requests Luna might have asked of him, this would hurt him the most. Terrify him. He hadn't allowed himself to be so truly vulnerable in years.

And yet, these young people—who had once been children in his care, children he had irreparably harmed—deserved the truth. They deserved to know, no holds barred, what their bravery, their strength, their unshakable love, faith, and honour meant to him. They deserved to know that Severus had never hated them at all.

But gods, he could barely breathe, let alone force his tongue to say the words he had held back and hidden so long. His heart raced and his fingers twisted in the sheets. The truth. He _had_ to give these children the truth. Somehow, he—

"Sir, it's okay." Gentle fingers pried Severus' loose from the sheet and wrapped his hand in a warm touch. "We're not going to hurt you. It's safe to tell us how you feel, I promise. I'll be right here with you."

 _Harry_. Severus' fear melted away, and resolution flooded his spirit. Harry was right. He wasn't alone, and these children weren't the monsters the Death Eaters had been. They wouldn't hurt him simply for showing the softer side of his heart.

And even if they did, even if they cut him to ribbons for revealing the truth, he _deserved_ it. He had hurt them all, terribly. Perhaps a bit of pain was his due, even if… if the thought of being rejected now, when he hadn't the strength to swoop and snarl and protect his sensitive heart, left him shaking. He deserved whatever they gave him. And they deserved to know what he truly thought of their worth regardless of whether they believed it or not.

Harry's calloused fingers stroked his own, and Severus steeled himself. He was no coward. Terrified or not, he would give these warriors the dignity they deserved, even at the cost of his own.

He took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and looked to Ron. "You are…." He swallowed a lump of fear and pressed on. "Loyal, brave, and fiercely strategic. You have a tendency to doubt your worth, which sometimes leads you into trouble, but you have no reason to. You are good and honourable—and a damn good chess player—and I am… _proud_ of all you have accomplished."

Ron's breath caught and his eyes shimmered. "T-thank you, sir."

Severus' heart panged with relief and wonder. How could the boy forgive him? How could any of them do? Gods, he simply didn't understand, and yet, Ron's forgiveness washed away some of the terrible stain of guilt upon his soul. At least one had accepted the truth of him. Harry gave him an encouraging squeeze, and Severus' chest filled with warmth. Two then. He gave Ron a wan smile.

"Do not thank me. You should have known this long before now." He turned to Ginny, who faced him down with defiance and resolution in her eyes, as well as a hint of sadness and envy. Merlin, why should she envy him? He had no idea, but he chose not to comment.

After Ron's acceptance, the words came more easily. "You, Miss Weasley, are fiercer than the lot of your brothers put together. You are a tigress in a small package, and one hell of a warrior. I pity the Death Eater who steps in your path. You are brave, honest, and powerful, and yet, you have a maternal streak within you that is both contradiction to your fierce bravery and complement. You have shown your mettle this year, and like your brother, I am proud of you for all you have done."

Ginny teared up and wiped her eyes. "I… yes, sir."

He gave her a wan smile and looked to Luna. "You, Miss Lovegood, see more than you let on, I think. You are intelligent and kind, and deeply loyal. You see the best in people, even when we cannot see it ourselves. And you are so creative in your vengeance, any foe who steps in your path does not stand a chance. I thank you for your faith in me, even when I had none myself."

"I always knew you were good," she said with a sad smile. "Even if you didn't."

Tears pooled on Severus' lashes. He struggled to blink them back, but his voice broke when he spoke again, revealing how deeply her words had affected him.

"T-thank you, Miss Lovegood. I…." He cleared his throat and looked away, and a gentle hand fell on his shoulder. He looked up to find Ron attempting to comfort him, and Severus' heart warmed at his acceptance.

"Thank you."

Ron nodded. "Hermione next."

Severus bowed acquiescence and turned to the woman. "Miss Granger, you are the most resourceful, intelligent student I have seen in all my years as a professor. I think there is no one else who could have brought Harry and Mister Weasley through the hunt for the _artefacts_ intact. You are a formidable woman, and I am daily amazed by your wit. But more so, you are loving and loyal and kind, you are generous and open, and your heart is bigger than all of Britain. Though perhaps your S.P.E.W campaign needs a little reworking, the concept is wonderful, and I am proud of you both for seeing injustice where your friends did not, and fighting for your beliefs even when no one else supported you. I wish you luck in your future endeavours, and know you will one day accomplish your dreams."

Hermione gave a little cry and caught him into a hug. "You really _are_ a good man. Thank you."

He tried to return her embrace, though his left arm flailed. Harry guided him and did not release his hand when Hermione moved away. Tears shone in his eyes, but his smile lit the room, and Severus found himself captivated by the sight of him. _'Beautiful,'_ his mind whispered, and he could not deny it.

Harry squeezed his hand, and Severus broke himself out of his daze.

"And you, Mister Longbottom…." Severus gave him a sad smile. "You have amazed me these past few months. I admit, when I first met you, I had believed you too timid to have earned the Gryffindor mantle, but you have proved me wrong in spades. You have become an admirable warrior, a brave leader, and an intelligent and calculating ally. You, Neville, saved your friends' lives as much as anyone here by your bravery and self-sacrifice, and I am honoured to have fought the war beside you, even when it seemed I fought for the opposite side. Thank you, for being such a staunch adversary, a loyal friend, and a leader worthy of respect. I am immensely proud of everything you have done."

Tears streaked Neville's cheeks. "Thank you," he whispered.

Severus shook his head. "You should have always known."

"Nevertheless, I'm glad you were brave enough to tell me. To tell all of us. We needed to hear it, sir."

Severus bowed his head. "I thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak."

"You're quite welcome," said Luna with a smile, "but you've forgotten Harry."

Severus looked to the one man who had stood by him when everyone else had written him off, and tears blurred his vision.

"Because I have no words," he breathed, overcome. "Because there are none powerful enough to… to tell you, just how wonderful you are. Harry… I would be lost without you."

Harry wrapped Severus in a hug and held him close. "I know," he murmured in Severus' ear. "I know how you feel, Severus. It's okay."

"I wish I could tell you," Severus whispered. "You deserve to hear it. But I… there are truly no words. You are so _much_ … I am confounded, and speechless, and I have nothing that can reach far enough to tell you how much you mean to me."

Harry kissed Severus' wet cheek and pulled back, tears streaking his face. "That's the best thing you could have said. And it's more than enough for me."

Severus nodded and wiped his eyes. His vision cleared to find Ginny watching him with a look of resigned acceptance and grief. He closed his eyes, not knowing what he had done to hurt her, but wishing he could take it back.

"I am sorry…."

Ginny kissed Severus' cheek and whispered, "Take care of him, when he comes to you."

Severus gave her a bemused look, unsure of her meaning. "I… yes, I promise."

She smiled, as if she knew he didn't understand, and moved back to her seat. Harry wiped his face and grinned.

"Well, now that the moment is over, who's winning?"

Ron smirked. "I am, I think. Maybe."

Severus examined the board and found an opening. "Check."

"Or not," said Ron with a wry laugh. He attempted to move out of check, but Severus had him boxed in. He offered the man his hand and a smile. "Good game, sir. I'd be glad to play a rematch any time. It's hard to find a real challenge these days, and you're the best I've had yet."

Severus gave him a tentative half-smile and shook his hand. "Thank you for the game. It was good to play again. I haven't since…." Grief clouded his heart and stole his breath.

"Since the headmaster," Harry said, and Severus nodded.

Harry held his hand and rubbed his shoulder. "It's going to be okay. One day."

Severus leaned into Harry's touch and tried to believe it.

Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but just then, voices sounded outside Severus' hospital room. Among them, he identified an angry Minerva, a fierce Poppy, and a determined interim Minister of Magic—Delphius Greengrass. The man was not as obsequious and stupid as Fudge, nor as gruff and secretly power-hungry as Scrimgeour, but he _was_ calculating and fiercely anti-dark, reminiscent of the elder Barty Crouch.

Gods help him, if the Minister had come to arrest him, Severus would be fortunate to escape this meeting in one piece.

"I am… relieved that I was able to share my true thoughts with you," he whispered, "before the end."

Harry laced his fingers with Severus' and stood tall, eyes glowing with determination and loyalty. "Don't give up yet. Remember, you _do_ have allies."

Severus could only cling to his hand, to hold him while it lasted, and try not to think of the moment of separation looming on the horizon. Gods forgive him, he was so afraid.

And yet, he would not face his fate on his knees. At least, not figuratively.

He sat up as tall as his injuries would allow and drew his hands to his sides. He needed them for support, and he couldn't be seen clinging to Harry anyway.

But Harry gave him a knowing look and wrapped his arm around Severus' shoulders instead, supporting and soothing him. "We face them together."

Severus blinked hard and gave him a terse nod, all he dared say.

The door opened, and the interim minister and six aurors came into the room. Severus barely restrained a snort. Half a dozen aurors to arrest a paraplegic? He supposed he should be flattered, but his fear crushed out all other emotions.

"Forgive me, Severus," said Poppy, her eyes crackling with fury. "I did try to tell this dolt you are in no condition to go anywhere, much less a holding cell or Azkaban, but he won't listen to reason. Reminds me much of our former minister, if I'm honest."

Greengrass puffed up and glared at the woman. "I have more sense than _that_ idiot."

Minerva snorted. "Then why are you here with six men to arrest a paraplegic?"

"And besides that," said Harry in an icy-cold voice Severus had never heard from him, "why are you here to arrest a war hero at all?"

" _War hero_?" Greengrass snarled. "That man is a traitor, a murderer, a torturer, and one of Riddle's right-hand men." He motioned to the aurors. "Arrest him."

Harry's friends moved to form a semi-circle around Severus and drew their wands.

"Stand down," Neville said, his voice quiet, but lethal.

The aurors hesitated and looked to Greengrass for direction.

"This is a supremely bad idea, Minister," said Harry with a sharp smile. "You see, not one of the words you just applied to Severus is true. And every last one of us is prepared to defend him. So?"

"I-insubordination," Greengrass cried, but his eyes held fear and uncertainty.

"Perhaps." Harry rubbed his wand along his chin, a gesture that held more threat than Severus would have assumed possible from such a gentle lion. "Tell me, Mister Greengrass, how long does your term as interim Minister last?"

Greengrass swallowed hard. "I… six more weeks."

"Yes, and what happens then?"

"You know full well what happens, Mister Potter."

"Yes, I do. It goes to a vote. And tell me, Mister Greengrass, what would happen if _I_ decided I'd had it with Ministry incompetence and ran for the position myself? Do you think you would last another six weeks?"

Greengrass paled. "Are you threatening me?"

"Threatening you?" Harry shrugged. "I've no need to do that. I'm simply reminding you of the facts. I'd much prefer to stay out of politics and live my life in peace, but if you're fool enough to arrest a paraplegic, an innocent man, and a war hero, then I think it's clear I'll have to take matters into my own hands and make sure every supposed criminal gets a fair trial and decent treatment until their guilt is proved beyond a doubt. That's just common sense, isn't it?"

"Yes, we wouldn't want to mistreat innocent men," said Hermione, her mouth curved in a dangerous smile. "I wonder, Mister Greengrass, if I were to investigate your… _records_ , what I would find. I'm _sure_ all the trials have gone off without a hitch, but if Harry finds it necessary to question that, then perhaps a little due diligence is warranted."

Ron raked his wand across his jaw, imitating Harry. "I bet Rita Skeeter would just _love_ to hear Professor Snape's story from three of the lead heroes of the war."

"Six," Neville said with a dark smile.

"Make that eight," said Minerva. Beside her, Poppy nodded fiercely.

"Would make her career, that," said Ron with a smirk. "Of course, it mightn't be so… _helpful_ for others' livelihoods, but it's all for the greater good, you know."

Harry's hand twitched. "Right. And speaking of, I bet the headmaster's portrait would be happy to weigh in on the situation, now he's awake."

Greengrass scowled and motioned his aurors back. "Very well. You've made your point."

"Then I assume you _won't_ be arresting any paralysed war heroes today?"

Severus' hips were failing. He stifled a sound of pain and leaned into Harry's arm. Harry gave him a worried look and sat beside him on the bed, moving his arm around Severus' waist to brace him.

"You're mad if you think I'll let you take him anywhere," Harry snapped. "He's far too injured to endure a trial, much less a holding cell."

Greengrass sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Perhaps… I was too hasty. Snape _will_ stand trial."

Severus suppressed a flinch. He wouldn't be standing for anything.

Harry glared at Greengrass and made a low sound of disapproval.

"Ahem." Greengrass tugged at his collar. "Well, he shall need to be tried. But perhaps it can wait until he is recovered enough to endure it."

Ginny pressed, "And in the meantime?"

Greengrass made a face as if he had swallowed a sour lemon. "He may stay at Hogwarts and recover, but the Ministry will monitor his magic to ensure he does not leave the castle."

"And where, precisely, do you imagine I'll be going? A nice stroll along the beach? A lovely forest jaunt?" Severus jerked an arm down his body. "I am _paralysed_ , you fool. I could not leave if I wanted to, and I do not. The world is, unfortunately, full of far more judgement than kindness and…." His eyes softened as his gaze landed on Harry. "And heroes are in short supply. Or rather, they are all here."

Harry nudged Severus closer. "With you."

"Yes."

Greengrass scowled and called off his aurors. "Very well. Then we will schedule your trial after you have recovered enough to bear it."

He turned to leave, but Harry called for him in a dark tone just as Greengrass' hand fell on the doorknob.

"Oh, one more thing." A grim smile crossed Harry's face. "Severus is innocent. We have loads of proof in support of him, including accounts from Albus Dumbledore's portrait and his own memories, left behind in his Pensieve before his death. Should the Ministry give Severus any other verdict, well, I imagine you'll find out just what a formidable foe I can be."

"That makes all of us, mate," said Ron with a nod.

Greengrass paled. His head bobbed in a curt nod, and the door slammed behind him as he and his auror detail scurried away.

Ron grinned. "Well, that was almost fun. And bloody hell, mate. You're _intimidating_ when you want to be."

"I learned from the best." Harry rubbed Severus' side and gave him a gentle smile. "Are you okay?"

"Well enough for half a man who has just escaped a slow death by the skin of his teeth. For the moment, at least."

Harry eased Severus down and brushed his hair off of his face. "You're not just a whole man, you're worth fifty of them. And you're going to be fine. Greengrass nearly wet himself. He knows he's in over his head, and he's not as stupid as Fudge, thankfully. He'll realise this is a battle he can't win and focus his attention elsewhere, as he should do."

Severus scowled to hide the fear and uncertainty in his heart. "Finally using your fame for good, Potter?"

Harry's expression softened. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're safe. I'm here."

Severus' breath rushed out in a sigh against Harry's cheek. "So afraid."

"I know." Harry smoothed Severus' hair and straightened his robes. "And as it happens, you're right. It _is_ the first time I've used my fame for good, but only because it's the first time I've used it at all." He gave a self-deprecating shrug. "I hate it, to be honest, but if it keeps an honest man, a hero, and a _friend_ out of Azkaban, then it's worth it."

Severus' breath lodged in his throat and his hands trembled. He pressed them against the sheets to hide the intense emotion tearing through him. "A friend."

Smiling softly, Harry nodded and took Severus' shaking hand in his own. "I don't take on the Ministry for just anyone."

Severus closed his eyes and nodded sharply, overwhelmed and struggling to keep his fragmented emotions hidden.

"Come on, everyone," said Hermione, her voice soft and understanding. "I think we need to let Professor Snape rest. He's had a hard day."

"We should do at that." Ron patted his shoulder. "We'll play again soon, yeah?"

Severus attempted to smile. "Y-yes."

"Come on," Neville urged. "Let's get out of here so he can breathe."

As the others filed out with quiet farewells and vows to help where they could, Severus gave Harry a pleading look and tightened his grip on his hand.

"No worries, Severus," Harry whispered. "I'm with you, as long as you need me."

Ginny gave him one last sorrowful look and left. Severus frowned, uncomprehending of her pain or the origins of it until he remembered her misunderstanding that morning.

_"Take care of him when he comes to you."_

Severus' breath caught and his heart raced. Did she see something in Harry he hadn't?

Or something in _him_?

_"Because there are no words…."_

Severus trembled and clutched at Harry's hand. Dear gods. Was it true? Did he… was it possible? He had never allowed himself to fall so quickly before, but then, he had never been free to fall at all.

He looked at his legs and closed his eyes against tears. He wasn't free now either. Even if he hadn't been paralysed, he couldn't have tied Harry to a man such as himself. Harry deserved light and goodness and happiness, and Severus was none of that.

Now, he didn't even have a working body to offer. He was half a man—broken soul, broken heart, broken legs—and Harry deserved more.

As he resolved to keep his heart silent, he realised the very act of suffering to spare Harry the burden of his shattered existence implied more than mere fancy.

A gentle hand brushed his hair back and tucked it behind his ear. Severus closed his eyes and turned in to Harry's fingertips, unable to help himself. Gods, Harry's touch opened a maw of ache inside his chest—half fluttery, tingling pleasure, half deep, dark agony—and threatened to devour him. He wished he could still run to his quarters and hide, but he no longer had that freedom—and he suspected Harry might follow him even if he could run.

Gods help him, Severus _was_ falling for Harry. Perhaps he already had done.

But it was too late.

Severus buried his face in Harry's thigh and wept.


	4. Fading

_Six Weeks Later_

Severus sat in his kitchen at Spinner's End, staring out the window and seeing nothing at all. The letter with his official pardon lay in his lap—at least, he thought it did. He couldn't feel it. Not that it mattered any longer.

He was a free man. Harry and his friends had mounted a fierce defence in his honour, rebutting every claim Greengrass and his ilk could muster with cold, hard facts. And eye-witness reports. And Veritaserum-backed testimonies. By the end of Severus' trial, Greengrass regretted ever having challenged Harry on Severus' innocence. He had no choice but to issue a full pardon or face public scorn, and so, Severus no longer had to worry about spending the rest of his half-life in Azkaban. His life was his own once again.

If Severus had any idea what to do with it, he might have been happy.

But his entire existence had changed. Everything he had taken for granted, what had once come without effort, was now a near insurmountable challenge. Gods, even going to the loo exhausted him. But Severus hadn't wanted to burden Poppy any longer than absolutely necessary, and so, a week and a half ago, he had finished his rehabilitation. He could take care of himself—mostly—without aid. He could live independently again.

If one wanted to call it that. He spent most of his time staring out the window, watching the hollyhocks sway in the breeze, remembering when he could tend them with his hands rather than spells. Remembering when he was whole.

He had sent Harry away once he regained his independence. Severus hadn't banished him from his home—he couldn't have survived without Harry's visits to bring some semblance of light into his bleak life—but he reminded the boy that he had a life of his own and gently pushed him to pursue it. To heal from the war. To spend some time with his girlfriend.

To build a life free of broken, miserable, former Death Eaters to drag him down.

He had done it for Harry's sake—and to spare his own shattered heart when he couldn't hope for a relationship with the man—and yet, Harry hated to leave him. Severus always had to make him go, and Harry had to tear himself away every time. If Severus had anything to offer him—and if Harry wasn't in a relationship with Ginny—he would have let the man stay.

But Harry wasn't his, and Severus had nothing left to offer regardless.

His body was broken. His legs, forever useless. His left arm still flailing and recovering too slow to give him any sort of livelihood. He managed to eke out an existence on selling potions ingredients from his gardens, but just enough to survive. He lived on frozen dinners and tinned soup, and he had given up on keeping the mains on.

It was a good thing wizards could cool the air and make fire and water, or he might have died of poverty alone.

Harry brought him food whenever he visited. Severus had to admit, he looked forward to those meals. Harry was a phenomenal cook. And sharing them with the man he loved gave him a few minutes of reflected happiness.

Until it ended. Until Harry left, however reluctantly, and the darkness closed in again.

Gods, Severus had no idea where to go from here. He couldn't brew any longer thanks to his arm and he couldn't return to Hogwarts thanks to the Ministry. Severus' pardon came with the stipulation that he never taught children again, and Severus couldn't deny that it was a wise precaution. He had hurt the children at Hogwarts terribly, though he had never wanted to.

But with every career option he had experience in closed to him, Severus had nothing left. He had no idea what he would do when the warm weather ended and his supply of potions ingredients dried up for the winter.

A part of him didn't care. The idea of living a long life on the edge of poverty, useless and weak and miserable, didn't appeal. He was tired of struggling, tired of hurting, and tired of being so utterly alone. Gods, between the nightmares and the flashbacks and the exhaustion of living as a paraplegic, Severus was just plain tired. Everything within him hurt, and he ached for relief. For peace. For the thoughts within his tormented mind to cease, if only for a moment.

Perhaps, when winter came, he would go quietly into the night, and leave the world for the younger generation to enjoy. For Harry.

He would be better off without Severus. Everyone would.

Severus laid his head in his hands and watched the hollyhocks sway, ignoring the streams of silent tears on his cheeks.

* * *

Harry paced his kitchen, waiting for the eggplant parmigiana to finish cooking and worrying over Severus. Every time Harry visited, the man seemed… dimmer. Quieter. The crackle and spark in his eyes faded more with each passing day, and Harry was terrified for him. He wanted nothing more than to stay by Severus' side and bring him light and joy, to hold him through the darkness, but Severus kept sending him away.

As much as Harry hated to leave him, he did it. If he overstayed his welcome, Severus might banish him from his life altogether, and Harry didn't think he would manage if he did. Once, Harry had hated him, but as of late, Severus had grown dear to his heart. Harry cared so much about him, it hurt.

And gods, knowing Severus was suffering alone hurt him more.

Maybe he needed to visit more often. Severus had bidden him to come no more than three times a week, but Harry missed him, and he knew damn well Severus was missing him too. If Harry brought food, maybe Severus wouldn't object. Severus loved his cooking, and having a good meal every day might just cheer him a little.

It wasn't as if Harry had anything else to do with his life. He hadn't the slightest idea of where he wanted to go now that the war was over, and he didn't know what Ginny's plans were yet anyway. He couldn't make a decision until they both had some idea of what they wanted out of life.

Ginny. She hadn't been happy for a long time. Harry didn't understand why, but her smile had faded and her kisses grew more and more infrequent every day.

It twisted something inside him to know her reticence came as a relief. To know he had fallen out of love with her, somewhere along the way.

He kept telling himself they would be fine with a little more work, but every day, the squirmy feeling of wrongness grew, and every day, her smiles shrank.

Gods, he didn't know what to do anymore. He just wanted to make her happy. Her, and Severus.

And yet, he was failing them both.

The door opened, and Ginny came into the kitchen, her shoulders set with determination and her eyes heavy with pain and resolve. She greeted Harry with a kiss to his cheek, but when he went to kiss her mouth—to _force_ himself to, rather—she shook her head and stepped back. A pit of dread formed in the pit of his stomach.

"Gin? Are you all right?"

She stiffened her spine and took a deep breath. "Harry, we need to talk."

Harry grimaced. "Oh."

"Yes, _oh_. Harry, this can't go on."

Harry slumped into the nearest kitchen chair, his hands shaking and a strange mix of relief and pain mingling in his chest. "Ginny, I'm sorry. I… I don't know what's wrong. I don't understand why—"

"I know." A sad smile graced her lips. "But as it happens, _I_ do." She took the seat next to Harry and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Harry, you're gay."

His eyes widened and a cough stuck in his throat. "C-come again?"

"I said you're gay. That's why you're not happy with me."

"Uh… I just… what in Merlin's name gave you _that_ idea?"

She smiled sadly. "That food in the oven, it's not for us, is it?"

Harry swallowed hard and fiddled his hands in his lap. "Er, I… well, Severus is lonely and hungry so…."

"And your plans for this week, they probably centre around a certain former headmaster's life, don't they?"

"But… he needs me."

"Yes, he does. And you need him."

Harry's heart thumped and his breath lodged in his throat. "W-what? What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're in love with Severus, Harry. Completely, madly, head-over-heels for him."

Harry's stomach flipped and his heart pounded. He tried to respond, but all that came out was a strangled squeak.

Ginny took Harry's hand and held it in her lap. "Harry, I've known for weeks. That day I found you in his bed—"

"But we honestly didn't mean to fall asleep like that, Ginny!"

"I know, Harry. But before that day, were you ever able to sleep when I was next to you?"

Harry opened his mouth to speak and closed it again.

"No. You can't sleep with me. I don't comfort you. But one night in Severus' arms, and you're out like a light."

Harry clenched his fists in his lap around a wave of shock and panic. "T-that doesn't mean I l-love him."

"Maybe not. That might be trust. But the homemade dinners, the time spent at his house, the way you wish you were with him when you're not, the way you've given everything of yourself to make him happy, how miserable you are when you leave— _that_ means you love him."

Harry swayed and caught himself up on the table. "But… but he couldn't—I'm just… he'd never see me as—"

Ginny murmured across his protests, "And he loves you."

Harry's world careened to a halt.

Love.

Severus loved him.

Harry loved Severus.

Dear gods. Could it be true?

"Harry, the man lives and breathes for you. Every time you come into the room, his eyes follow you. He almost smiles when you're around. He leans into your touch when he's wary of everyone else. He tries to make you happy when you come, even when he's miserable himself. Harry, that man absolutely adores you. And…." She sighed and gave him a tear-edged smile. "As much as it hurts, I have to let you go."

Harry's chest twisted with pain. "Ginny…."

"You're not happy with me, and I want something more than an obligatory place in your life. I want a family and a husband who loves me as much as I love him. Harry, you can't be that to me. You can't give me the home I want. And I can't make you happy either. You need a man to love you, not a woman. You need _him._ And he needs you."

Harry clutched at his knees, feeling as though the entire world had fallen away. "You… you really think I'm gay?"

"Harry, love, Dean wanted to shag me a week into our relationship. Have you _ever_ had the desire to go beyond snogging with me? Or even to snog me these days?"

Cheeks hot with shame, Harry shook his head.

"Yeah," Ginny said. "That's not typical for a teenage bloke in a relationship. I mean, you _could_ be asexual. But I don't think you are."

Harry wrapped his arms around himself to still his shaking. "H-how do you know? Maybe I'm just broken."

"You're not. Even if you _are_ asexual, there's nothing wrong with it. Severus might be the ideal partner if you are. He mightn't be _able_ , you know?"

Harry choked and looked away. "P-pretty sure that isn't an issue."

Ginny raised an eyebrow. "How would you know?"

"I've slept beside him, remember? We're blokes. If it works, it gets hard in the morning from time to time."

Ginny gave a stifled chuckle. " _Oh_. I bet that was awkward."

Harry rubbed the back of his neck and gave her a wry smile. "Definitely."

"Well then, think about this. How would you feel about snogging Severus? About making love to him?"

Heat flushed Harry's face. Dear gods. He hadn't ever thought of it, but to appease Ginny's curiosity—and because he wanted to know anyway—Harry imagined himself laying Severus back and kissing him senseless. He imagined hearing that low, silky voice moaning in his ears. He imagined trailing kisses down his lithe body and exploring the long, hard shaft he had felt against his bum once in the Infirmary. His breathing sped up at the thought of that hot hardness inside him, making slow, shallow thrusts while Harry rocked atop him. His heart raced and his groin jumped to attention at the thought of being buried inside Severus, holding his feet beside his head and kissing the soft skin, whether Severus could feel it or not.

Sweet Merlin. He could hardly breathe for the heat, the _desire_ pooling in his veins at the thought of making love to Severus. Of making him Harry's partner and teaching the lonely, sad man what it meant to be loved, inside and out.

Well. He was _definitely_ gay. He sucked in a shuddering breath, searching for control, and forced his eyes up to meet the knowing expression in hers. His face burned, and he looked away.

Ginny murmured, "You want that, don't you? You want to make love to him, like you've never wanted to make love to me."

Harry blinked tears back and caught her hand. "Gin, gods, I'm so sorry. I swear, I didn't mean to hurt you or lead you on. I didn't _know_."

She laughed, though it had an edge of sorrow she hadn't possessed before the war. Before Fred. Before now.

"Harry, love, of _course_ you didn't know. When did you ever have time to think of sex? You were always fighting for your life and for ours. You had no time to think of the things most boys do when you were always so focused on survival." Ginny squeezed his hand. "It's okay. I don't blame you, I'm not angry, and while I _am_ sad, I'll be okay once I've had time to heal. There are plenty of fish in the sea for me."

She closed her eyes and sighed. "But Severus—Harry, speaking practically, I think you're the only one for him. No one else will ever be able to understand him. No one else will take the time to look past the superficial to the man that's hidden within. All they'll see is his snark, his wheelchair, and his mark."

"That's rot! He's a beautiful person, and he deserves love and happiness just the same as anyone else."

"Harry, I agree with you. All I'm saying is that the general public doesn't have the same understanding of Severus that we do. They won't take the time to see what's underneath his prickles and paralysis—they have other options. You _do_ see it, though. And I think you might be the only person in the world who will ever do."

Harry closed his eyes around tears. "It's not right. He deserves better."

"Harry, he has _you_. There isn't anything better than you."

Harry blinked tears down his face and sighed harshly. "I… I don't know if you're right about whether I'm his only choice or not, or even if it matters. But I think you're right that I love him. It hurts so much to leave him. More every time. I just want to hold him until he can smile again, and I think that's closer than friendship."

"Do you feel that way about Ron?"

Harry grimaced at the thought. "Urgh, no. A hug if he's down, and if he really _needs_ to be held and Hermione's busy, I'll take the job, but it doesn't feel the same."

And really, that said it all, didn't it?

Harry held her hands tight. "You're amazing, Ginny. Someday, you're going to find a bloke who'll appreciate you. Who'll love you and make you smile instead of cry." Tears slid down his cheeks. "I'm so bloody sorry it couldn't be me."

She brought him into a hug and wiped his cheeks. "Ssh. It's not your fault, Harry. It just… happened. You can't help who you are any more than I can. Don't apologise for being happy. I hope… I hope you two can be. I do love you, Harry."

"I love you too, Gin. I'm… I…."

"Don't apologise. It's not the same way, I know. But it'll be okay. Severus _needs_ you, Harry. He's utterly lost without you. And I'm strong enough to step out of the way."

Harry blinked back tears and kissed her cheek. "Thank you. For everything."

"Tosh. I'm just doing what's right."

"Still, thank you. Not many would be strong enough or selfless enough to do what you've done."

She shook her head and gave him a sad smile. "It's not selfless. I want to be happy too, Harry, and I won't find that with you. Not as a lover anyway. But we're still friends, right?"

He smiled and squeezed her hands. "If you still want to be, yeah."

"I do. We've been through too much together to hate each other for something you can't even help. It might be different if you'd cheated on me or just didn't care, but this isn't your fault." She held his face. "Go. Get your food and bring it to him. Think about what you want and get your head on straight. Then go to him again and don't leave."

Harry sniffled and hugged her tight. "Yeah. I… yeah. I will do. Thank you, Ginny."

"It's the right thing to do."

"Yeah."

She gave him a wry smile. "Though, I will say this. If he ever hurts you again, I'm damn good at aiming a quaffle where I want it to go. I'm fairly sure I could knock it up his arse with no trouble. And if not, I can always set my brothers on him."

Harry laughed and let her go with a smile.

Gods, he hoped she was happier for it.

He hoped _he_ was happier for it too. And Severus.

Severus. Merlin. As Harry removed the food from the oven and wrapped it up for travel, he thought on their situation. Ginny was right. He _did_ love the man, but he needed a little time to wrap his head around the fact. And maybe Severus did too.

_'Soon,'_ he thought, and apparated away.


	5. In the Nick of Time

In one week, Harry would be eighteen. An adult in both the Muggle and Wizarding worlds. And he knew exactly what he wanted for his birthday: a date with Severus. A quiet day together, watching a film at the cinema—there was one in London with wheelchair access—a meal he didn't have to cook, a stroll through the park. He thought it sounded romantic, pushing Severus through the trees, watching the sun go down together, sitting on a bench under the trees, Severus curled up in Harry's arms as the stars popped out, one by one.

But Harry had imagined when he told Severus that Ginny had broken up with him as she had discovered he was gay, Severus might leap into the gap. At least, he might smile and blush and reveal his fancy.

Instead, Severus had shut down. His eyes had gone flat and cold from fierce Occlumency, but what little emotion Harry could see in his face revealed horror and guilt, not the joy he had expected. Hoped for.

> _"Harry, go and live your life. If you are gay, find a man who makes you happy."_
> 
> _Harry opened his mouth to speak, "But you—"_
> 
> _"Go." The horrible pain in Severus' voice shut Harry up on the subject. He tried to take Severus into his arms and soothe him, quiet his broken heart, but Severus turned away._
> 
> _"Harry, I am not feeling well. Perhaps you might come back tomorrow."_
> 
> _"Severus…."_  
> 

Harry had gone because the man had asked him to, but he didn't understand why Severus made him leave when his love for Harry showed in every breath he took. It was so apparent, Harry felt like a fool for not seeing it sooner. For needing his former girlfriend to beat it into his head. But then, he had never considered that he might be… different.

And now, he paced his kitchen again, this time waiting on a batch of mince pies and stopping to stir his finished mashed potatoes every few minutes. His heart thrummed in his chest and his stomach twisted with anxiety and worry. Gods, the look in Severus' eyes as Harry had left yesterday evening had broken him inside. He hadn't wanted to leave. Everything in him wanted to stay there, with Severus, who needed comfort. Needed his love.

But he was so afraid if he pressed, Severus would press back and lock him out of his life forever.

Gods, he didn't know what to do. He needed help.

With a sigh, he turned off the potatoes—a warming charm would keep them hot enough without burning—and went to the living room floo. The pies had another twenty minutes to bake anyway.

"Hermione, can I talk to you? Here?"

Hermione nodded wryly and stepped through the floo. "I heard Ginny left last week."

Harry nodded and guided his friend into the kitchen. "Took her beating it into my head with a sledgehammer to realise it, but she knew I've been in love with Sev for months. And he's in love with me—at least, Ginny thinks he is. And he acts like he loves me too."

Hermione beamed. "Congratulations, Harry."

Harry sighed and folded himself into the seat next to her. "Don't count your gold before the nifflers come. Hermione, I _know_ he cares about me, but when I told him about Ginny last week, he shut me down. He wouldn't let me speak at all and threw me out on my arse. And he looked horrified. Miserable. I… I thought it would make him happy."

A sad, sympathetic look entered her eyes, and hope surged in his heart. Maybe she _did_ know what to do.

"Harry, you're thinking from the point of view of a relatively healthy man. You're in love with him, he's in love with you, so to you, the sensible thing is to love each other together. But my guess is that Severus isn't thinking that way."

"Um… but _why_? If he really loves me, why wouldn't he want me to be with him? Do you think he's straight?"

Hermione gave a wry laugh. "Absolutely not. The man is as bent as you are—that much was obvious in the Infirmary as early as a few days after you rescued him. Or at least, he's open to a relationship with a man. But, Harry, he's also permanently disabled and not coping well. You heard him in the Infirmary—always referring to himself as half a man, looking at his legs as if he wondered if all the pain and effort was even worth it. Harry, he doesn't see himself as a gift to you. He thinks he's a burden. That loving you and allowing you to love him would be terrible, because then you would be forever tied to him."

"But I _love_ him. I _want_ to be tied to him."

"I know that and you know that, but all Severus sees is his paralysed legs, his dark mark, and his inability to work. He thinks loving him will hold you back, I think."

"Oh…." Harry wrapped his arms around his waist and held back tears by a thread. "But he's not—he's never been a burden."

Hermione reached through the fire to rub Harry's shoulder. "Then _show_ him that. _Show_ him you don't give a damn if he's disabled. I know you have that Gryffindor courage in you. Go to him, hold him, kiss him, don't _let_ him push you away—well, unless he's really scared. Of course, don't touch him without consent, but don't leave either. Show him you're determined. He needs you, Harry. He's just afraid of hurting you."

Harry gave her a hesitant nod. "I was going to ask him to go out with me on my birthday. I know Mum Weasley wants to have a party, but honestly, I'm not up to one yet. I'd rather just spend the day with Severus. Somewhere quiet and soothing. We can always do a party next year, when we're all healed a little more."

Hermione nodded and rubbed Harry's back. "Ron and I will talk to her about it. In the meantime, you need to get your pies and go to Severus. Tell him you want to take him out on a date, to let the world know you love him, whatever your instinct tells you he needs—yours is good most of the time. Just don't give up."

Harry smiled at her from over the range door. "Thanks, 'Mione. I'm going as soon as these are cool enough to wrap, then." His smile faded. "And I'm not leaving. When he forced me out yesterday, Hermione, he was so… he looked so lost."

"Then bring him home again, Harry. I know you can do it."

She kissed his cheek and returned home, and Harry laid his pies atop the range with a nod to himself. Hermione was right. Severus had gotten it into his head that he needed to push Harry away for his own good, but Severus hadn't seen true Gryffindor obstinacy yet. Severus mightn't be ready for a date—Harry could live with that—but he wouldn't let the man force him out any longer. He wanted to be there with Sev, and Severus needed him.

That was all he needed to know, really.

Harry wrapped their dinner in a transport basket with preservation charms built-in, grabbed a bottle of wine, and apparated to Severus' house.

The hair on the back of Harry's neck stood on end the moment he landed. Something had gone wrong. He couldn't describe it, but the aura around the house felt… off.

Heart pounding, Harry raced to the door and, when no one responded to his knock, pushed it open and stuck his head inside. "Severus? It's me. I brought dinner."

The kitchen was dark and empty, and the silence sent a chill crawling across his flesh. Gods help him, something was terribly wrong.

"Severus? Where are you?"

Harry set the dinner down on the man's kitchen table, lit his wand, and sent his aura out, searching for the trail of Severus' magic. He found it leading towards the loo, barely a flicker of light, but enough to track. The weak, thin trail terrified Harry. Severus' magic, on most days, left an impression of fire and chocolate and silk on Harry's skin—elegant, refined, and damned powerful. Severus' aura all but smoked with the sheer force of his magical ability, and might have done in truth, if not for Severus' unbreakable control.

Now, Harry barely recognised his love's strength in the fiery flicker against his belly. The chocolate, the silk, the heat had gone from Severus' magic, and it left Harry sick with fear. Nothing small could diminish Severus' magic so much. It felt much as it had the day Harry had found him dying from Nagini's bite.

Dying. Harry's heart careened to a halt. Oh _fuck_!

Harry tore towards the loo, crying Severus' name, and skidded to a halt inside. The dim lights inside illuminated the form of Severus in the tub, ghostly-white and far too still. His head lolled under the water, mouth open and no bubbles escaping his nostrils, as they would have done if he still breathed. If his lungs hadn't filled with water already.

Time stopped. A dull thudding pounded in Harry's ears and cold, sickening horror turned his stomach to stone. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't move. The love of his life was dying— _dying_ —and all he could think was _too late, too gone, too slow._

Then, the spell holding him shattered, and time rushed by, slipping like sand through his fingers and the threads of Severus' life. Harry's breath burst out in a desperate cry.

" _Severus_!"

Thoughts raced through Harry's mind as he bolted for the tub. Sweet Merlin, the man must have fallen. _Too slow._ Why did the man insist on baths when showers were easier for paraplegics? He even had a chair to use and rails installed to help him. _Always gone when he needs me._ But Severus liked to be surrounded by water and heat, and so he chose to take baths. Gods damn it, Harry had warned him it was dangerous until he learned to navigate better. _Please, please don't leave me._ He should have known Severus wouldn't listen.

With a broken whimper, Harry reached down and tried to jerk Severus out of the water, tried to pull his head above the surface, and then, the horrid truth sank in. Harry couldn't move Severus' head. Something had stuck him to the bottom of the tub.

 _Stuck_? A sticking charm?

A charm that Severus would have had to set himself, while he lay, slowly suffocating, under the water.

A charm that would release upon his death, making it appear as though he had died from an accident.

This was no fall. This was suicide.

Harry sobbed out a shaky _Finite_ and let slip a whimper of relief when Severus' head came away with no trouble. Thank the gods, Severus hadn't used a permanent sticking charm. But then again, if he had done, he couldn't have passed his death off as an accident.

Severus' lips had a blue tinge that made Harry's chest ache with terror. His chest was still, his breath absent. He still had a pulse, but it wouldn't last long if Harry couldn't get him breathing again. Offering a silent thank you to Hermione for teaching him Muggle CPR during the horcrux hunt, Harry tilted Severus' chin back and pinched the man's nose shut.

Gods, he hoped this worked.

With a shaky deep breath to drive away his panic, to steady his breathing for Severus' sake, Harry pressed their mouths together and blew. Again. And again. And again. And just as he had begun to give up hope, Severus coughed and spat up a stream of water.

With a sob of relief, Harry turned him onto his side and rubbed his back and side, trying to soothe him while he expelled the water from his lungs. Once his coughing stilled enough to allow it, a too-pale, red-eyed Severus turned his head to meet Harry's tearful gaze.

"Severus…."

The man gave a low, despairing moan, and Harry knew he was miserable to be saved again. Gods, Harry felt a fool and a cad. He should have seen it. He should have realised Severus was floundering, broken and afraid.

He never should have left the man to face his pain alone.

"Ssh, ssh. Oh, Severus. I'm so sorry." Harry cradled him in his arms and kissed his sopping hair and face. "I had no idea it was this bad. But it's all right now. I'm here. And I'm not going to leave you again. Not for a moment."

Severus buried his face in Harry's shoulder and wept, each cough and moan of pain drawing tears from Harry as well.

"I'm here, Sev," Harry whispered, as broken as the man in his arms. "I'm here."

And fuck all if he would ever leave again.


	6. Not the End

Severus whimpered as Harry Summoned a blanket, wrapped his shaking body in its warmth, and carried him, bridal-style, to bed. Fuck. Why did nothing he tried to do work out? All he had wanted was to go in peace, to leave the world for kinder men, better men. To spare Harry the pain and misery that loving him would entail. 

Even in this, peace was not to be his.

After conjuring a nightshirt and pants onto Severus' naked form, Harry crawled in beside him and pulled Severus close, guiding him to rest his head on Harry's chest.

"Just lie here, Severus." Harry stroked Severus' hair and the bare skin of his shoulder. "I'm going to send Poppy a Patronus, okay? Just to make sure you're going to recover all right and your lungs are healing."

Severus pressed his face into Harry's chest without a word. What did it matter? He didn't _want_ to live.

Harry's stag nuzzled Severus' hair before he left, and Severus whimpered at the blatant evidence of Harry's regard for him. Why _him_? Harry deserved so much better than the burden of his love.

Harry brushed Severus' tears away and smoothed his hair, whispering soft, devoted words of hope and reassurance, but they couldn't reach the hollow in Severus' heart. He had failed. He had tried to step out of the way, to give Harry the chance to love someone better, but in the end, he had failed him.

"I am sorry," Severus whispered.

Harry gave him a pained look. "You're not apologising for the suicide attempt, are you?"

Severus closed his eyes and shook his head.

Harry brought him closer into his arms and kissed the top of his head. "I won't hear a word of it either way. You have nothing to be sorry for. It's my fault. I wasn't here when you needed me— _again_ —and you suffered as a result. But it's not going to be that way any longer. I'm not leaving you again, even if you _do_ hate me for it. I won't let you suffer alone anymore."

Severus clutched at Harry's shirt and whispered, "I have never hated you."

"I know."

Harry brushed a fresh wave of tears from Severus' cheeks and rocked him within his arms. Until he knew what it meant to be comforted in such a manner, Severus would never have imagined such an asinine movement would ease his pain. But it did. Being held against Harry's heart and rocked within his arms felt warm and safe, and if not for the fact that Harry deserved more, Severus would have relaxed and enjoyed it. But he couldn't. He couldn't do this to the man he loved.

"Harry, you must leave me."

"No. Never again."

Severus sobbed in his chest. "You deserve more."

"Severus… don't you know what you mean to me? I can't leave you like this. I'd never forgive myself."

With a heavy sigh, Severus gave himself up for lost. He was too late. Too weak. Too _wrong_.

A soft kiss fell upon his forehead. "Ssh. Sev, this is where I _want_ to be. Please don't push me away any longer. It hurts, and I'm so scared. I _need_ to be here, with you."

A broken whine of anguish escaped Severus. "I am so sorry."

"Ssh. You have nothing to apologise for. Nothing. Just rest, Severus. I'm here. I'm with you. It's going to be okay."

Severus was too tired to fight, too shattered. He laid his head on Harry's shoulder with a sigh and didn't move or speak again until Poppy arrived.

"Severus? Harry? What happened?"

Severus looked away, ashamed to be caught out, and Harry explained, never ceasing his soothing touches on Severus' hair, his face, his shoulders and back. Tears sprung to Poppy's eyes when she realised his 'accident' had been deliberate, and Severus mourned that he had caused her pain. If only Harry hadn't come, he could have passed into the afterlife without hurting them, without dragging them into misery with him.

Poppy's diagnostics revealed a little swelling and fluid in his lungs, which she dispelled in an instant with a flick of her wand. The ache in Severus' chest—at least the physical ache—vanished, and Severus buried a few miserable tears in Harry's shoulder. Even in this, he was a failure.

Poppy and Harry's voices continued over his head.

"It's not safe to leave him alone right now, Harry."

"I know. I don't plan to. Not for an instant. Even if he _does_ get angry."

"It's not that he's angry at you, I think." Poppy sighed and rubbed Severus' hand. "He's depressed, Harry. Severely. It's not unexpected given what he's endured, but it's worrying nonetheless. Promise me you will not leave him alone?"

"I promise," Harry murmured, and hugged Severus closer. "Is there a potion to help? A Muggle medicine, maybe?"

Poppy nodded. "Sunshine Elixir. It's a little pricey, but most apothecaries stock it. And I think I have a few bottles on hand at the Infirmary. I'll send one with Winky tomorrow morning. You're to give him two drops, morning and evening, in a cup of tea. After one week, give him four drops, and six after two. Report anything unusual to me, but side effects are rare with potions, thank Merlin."

"Thank you, Madame Pomfrey," Harry said with a sad smile. "I'll make sure he has the medicine he needs."

Severus whimpered and shook his head. It was too expensive, too much trouble, and he wasn't worth the cost.

Harry smoothed Severus' wet hair back and held his cheeks. "Ssh. I'm going to take care of you, Sev. That's a promise."

Severus sighed and leaned into Harry's touch. It soothed him, and he was too tired, too broken to fight.

"Stay with him, Harry," Poppy said, "even if he fights you for it."

Harry nodded and rubbed his hair. "I have no intention of leaving his side ever again."

Severus winced at the obvious romantic declaration. Poppy would know. She would see. He watched her face, waiting for the inevitable signs of condemnation to appear.

Poppy pulled up short, then a slow smile spread over her face. "I see. In that case, I'll wish you well and only ask that you take it slow, Harry. Give him time to recover and find joy in his own life again, and take time to do the same yourself."

Severus stared, gobsmacked. How could she condone this? How could she support a relationship between them, when Harry was good and beautiful and whole, and Severus was… _this_?

Harry smiled back and kissed Severus' temple. "Yeah, I will do. I'll help him as much as I'm able, too."

At Severus' stunned, bemused expression, Poppy squeezed his shoulder and gave him a sad smile. "We don't see you the way you see yourself at the moment, Severus. We see a hero and a friend in need of help, and someone we care about in pain."

Severus' breath lodged in his throat and tears blurred his vision. Overwhelmed, he gave her a curt nod and buried his face in Harry's shoulder, that they mightn't see him weep. Harry would feel it, but then, Harry had seen worse, tonight.

"I'll leave you two to talk and rest then," said Poppy. "Call me again if you need help. Even if it's three in the morning."

Harry wrapped Severus in his arms. "We will. I promise."

"Good luck, to both of you, and I'll send Winky with that potion in the morning. Good night, and Severus, do let Harry help you. Please."

But Severus wasn't sure he _deserved_ help.

Harry whispered, "Please, Severus."

In the end, he could deny Harry nothing. He gave the man he loved an uncertain nod and winced at his own lack of resolve. Harry would be better off without him, wouldn't he?

Poppy patted Severus' shoulder and left, and in the silence she left behind, Severus felt utterly lost. He clung to Harry and pressed his face into the man's shoulder, shaking in his arms and unsure of everything.

Harry's soft voice washed over him like a lullaby. "I know you feel like the world is over, Severus. I know you're scared and miserable and everything you once defined your life by is gone, but it's not over. I promise." He gave a bitter laugh. "Believe it or not, I feel the same way sometimes."

 _What_?

Severus gave him a panicked look, and Harry soothed him with a tender kiss to his forehead. "Easy. I didn't mean I was suicidal. It's just that I grew up with this weight over my head. I was the 'chosen one' and the 'golden boy' and the 'boy-who-lived,' and I knew I would have to fight Riddle one day whether I liked it or not. It became my entire life, defined my existence. And now he's gone. And I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

He brushed a tear from Severus' cheek and ran the backs of his fingers over the ridge, smiling when Severus turned into the touch.

"I've been at odds for weeks, trying to figure out what to do with my life. And I guess I still don't know what I'll do for a career, especially since we weren't able to finish school. But you know what? I've found a new reason to keep going."

Severus whispered, "What?"

Harry gave him a sad smile. "You, Severus. You're my reason."

Tears pooled on Severus' lashes. He didn't deserve this man's love, but he wanted it. Gods forgive him, he wanted so desperately to be loved.

With a quiet sob of pain, he clutched at Harry's hand. "I… do not understand."

"You don't have to, Sev. It's just the way it is."

* * *

Harry held Severus close and hoped his words would convince the man that he was worth it, that Harry loved him, and to leave him would break his heart to pieces.

"Why?" Severus' voice broke and tears ran down his face. "Why do you want me? I am… a shell of the man I used to be."

"Because you're paralysed, Sev? Merlin, do you think I care about that?" Harry frowned. "Well, no, I do _care_. It doesn't change my opinion of you, but I hate it that you're suffering because I was too damn slow. I swear, Severus, if I had known…."

"I know." Severus squeezed his hand. "It is not your fault. Even if you _had_ come sooner, venom of that strength would have most likely damaged me permanently."

"But it mightn't have been so bad."

"Do not tear yourself to pieces over it, Harry. We cannot change the past."

"No, I suppose not." Harry toed off his trainers, lay beside Severus, and brought the man into his arms again. "But we can change the future."

He slipped one hand into Severus' hair and guided him to rest against his shoulder once more. Severus gave a broken sigh and held on to Harry for dear life.

"I want you to be a part of my future, Severus," Harry murmured against the top of Severus' ear. "I want to be a part of yours. Will you stay? Will you fight this, for me?"

Tears wetted Harry's skin. "Why, Harry? Why do you care?"

"I… well, I just do. You're brave, brilliant, gentle once I got past your defences, and so honourable and good. Faithful, loyal, honest. Wonderful. Why _wouldn't_ someone care for you?"

Tears choked Severus' words. "Because I am a Death Eater, Harry."

"No. You _were_ a spy. Now you're just a brave man with a tattoo."

Severus winced. "I am reviled regardless."

"Don't care. I'm not in this for the fame. Or infamy, as the case may be." Harry kissed Severus' forehead and hugged him closer. "And I'll shield you from it too, as best as I can."

"The papers will destroy your reputation because of me, Harry."

"Then we'll move to America. Start all over. I'm sick of being mobbed every time I want a walk anyway."

Severus nudged a little closer. His voice came out small and uncertain, but the slightest waver of hope edged the tone and warmed Harry deep within.

"And my body—I am scarred and damaged and broken."

"I saw your body when I rescued you, Severus. You have a gorgeous figure, your skin is soft and clear, and the scars only tell me how brave you are."

"But my legs, Harry. I may never walk again."

"So I'll carry you. I'm stronger than I look."

"So you are, but…." With a hitching sob, Severus leaned into Harry and buried his face in his throat. "Harry, I may not be able to… copulate."

Harry kissed Severus' temple and stroked his hand in slow, deep glides up and down Severus' back. "Your paralysis is in your legs, not your hips, Severus. If you want an erection and you're well enough, you're able to achieve it and feel it too. I've felt it, remember?"

"That is not the same as participating in intercourse. I am unsure how I could do, when I am unable to move my legs."

"Well, there's always the possibility that _I_ could do the work, Severus."

Severus' breath hitched and his cheeks went crimson. "Ohh. Perhaps you are right, but even so, I may be unable to bear it. My hips hurt sometimes, Harry. Badly."

"I know, Severus. On those days, I'm happy just to take care of you. But if it turns out that you _are_ too injured to make love, that's okay too. I can simply hold you. Or touch you in other ways, if you want."

Severus whimpered against Harry's throat. "You… you would truly stay with me even if I am never able to have sex again?"

"I don't think you are, but if that is the case, the answer is still yes. I'm not in this for sex either. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say no. The thought of having you or you being inside me is… Merlin, it's good. So good. Damn."

Harry had to pant and think cold thoughts for a minute to get his libido under control. "I definitely wouldn't mind it, but if you can't have sex or don't want it, there are other things we can do with each other to make a healthy relationship, Severus. We can talk, just like this. We could go to the cinema—yes, there are places that you can go in a wheelchair, though it's harder. We can go to restaurants. I can cook for you. Or we could just sit out in the back lawn under the sunshine and hold hands."

Harry lifted Severus' tearful face and kissed the tip of his nose. "It's okay, Severus. I care about you for who you are, love. Not for what you can give me."

Severus' breath caught and rushed out in a sharp whoosh. He trembled, shock and wonder brilliant in his eyes.

"That's what it is, isn't it, Severus? All your life, you've been used, wanted only for what you could offer, and now you feel like you have nothing left to give. You feel worthless because you can't brew, teach, or anything that you used to do. Am I close?"

Severus nodded, eyes wide and tears pouring down his face.

Harry held Severus' face and brushed his tears away. "But you don't need to give me anything. I'm not here because I want you to make me a potion or spy on a dark lord or solve some unsolvable problem for me. All I want from you is a place in your life, Severus. That's it. Just a chance to love you and, maybe one day, earn your love in return."

Severus froze and his fingers tightened convulsively on Harry's hip. "You… you truly love me?"

Harry's stomach lurched and his breath rushed out in a gasp of shock. "Shite! I hadn't meant to say it so soon." At Severus' worried look, he pushed his fears aside and pressed a light, quivering kiss against the man's forehead. Severus deserved to know, even if Harry was bloody terrified to tell him. _'Please don't turn me away.'_

"I… I didn't realise how I felt about you until Ginny set me straight," he said in a low, quavering tone. "And then it hit me like the bloody Hogwarts Express that I've been in love with you for weeks."

"Weeks?"

"Maybe since the night I saw you for the man you really are." Harry stroked Severus' cheek and brushed a tear away. "Maybe I've loved you longer. Do you know I fancied the Half-Blood Prince? I'd had plans to seek him out after the war if I survived. Well, at the time, I thought I just wanted to be a friend, but I've come to see the light since."

Severus grimaced. "And I broke your dreams to pieces."

"Yes, back then, I was devastated. But I think having the real Prince with me is better. I think knowing you so well, so intimately, is much better than a fantasy friendship with a man I'd never met."

Severus gave a dazed nod and buried his face in Harry's throat. "You love me."

His voice was soft, tentative, as if he feared saying it would break the dream.

"Yes, Severus. I adore you."

Severus gave a soft cry and clutched Harry close. "I have never… not since my mother stopped caring…."

"Never heard it? Merlin, I understand. It's okay. I've got you, love. Cry if you need to. I'm not going anywhere."

Severus kissed Harry's collarbone and shook his head. "I… I feel I have wept too much already. But I would like you to…."

"To what, Severus?"

"Stay," Severus whispered. "Stay and hold me. The night… it is so dark and painful when I must face it alone. If you are truly content here, then stay. Please."

Tears stung Harry's eyes. "Oh, Severus. I'll stay. I'll be right here in your arms all night, okay?"

"Thank you, Harry." Severus murmured, "I… if you truly wish me to hold on, I will try. But I do not think this is enough to make me healthy again. Nor do I think we should rush."

"No, love. You definitely need time to heal and find yourself again, and my love, strong as it is, won't be enough to do that." Harry kissed Severus' temple and stroked his hair. "You need to talk to someone. Poppy maybe. And you need to find a purpose again. Something to give you a reason to hold on, other than me. Maybe researching a cure for your arm?"

"I cannot brew complex potions. I need two arms."

Harry gave him a soft smile. "And you have three. Your right arm and both of mine. I'll help as much as I can, Sev. I want to see what you look like when you smile."

Severus lifted his head and gave Harry a bemused look. "Harry, you don't know _how_ to brew complex potions. Even the stirring is precise."

"Yes, I know. Teach me, love. I'm willing to learn for you. And I've nothing better to do anyway. I need a purpose myself. Helping you heal sounds like a good one, at least for now."

Severus searched Harry's eyes and nodded after a moment. "Very well. If that is truly what you wish, I will… teach you." Tentatively, he traced trembling fingertips along the edge of Harry's jaw. "Properly this time."

Harry smiled and kissed Severus' palm. "That sounds good, love. And who knows, maybe we'll like it. Maybe we could run an apothecary together if it goes well and we can get your arm back in working order. Or if I learn to stir well enough to help you."

Severus stared, eyes wide and full of hope. "Harry… you would truly be willing…? I… you would hate such a career, would you not?"

"Working with you at my side? No, I think I'd love it, if I knew what to do."

"But I thought you had dreams of being an auror."

"No, I'm done with that. Had enough of dark wizard hunting to last me a lifetime. I fancy a change. Trying out potions with you is as good of a place to start as any."

"But…."

Harry tipped Severus' chin up and held his gaze. "Severus, love, I know you're scared. And you might be right. We mightn't work well together, or I mightn't be able to learn well enough to help, or I might not like it." With a gentle, encouraging smile, he rubbed his thumb in small circles on Severus' chin. "But it's worth a shot, isn't it?"

Severus' breath rushed in trembling, hot gusts against Harry's fingers. "I… I do not understand why you would wish to brew with me, Harry. I was so cruel, and you hated potions."

"No, Severus. I hated the way you _treated_ me in potions. The brewing itself wasn't bad. I've brewed with Hermione and had a lot of fun before." Harry cupped Severus' face and rubbed tears away. "And besides, I love you, Severus. I want you to be happy. So even if I _do_ end up hating it, I'll still help you until you're able to brew again for yourself."

Severus leaned into Harry's hands and gave a shuddering sigh. "I… you are certain, Harry?"

"Absolutely. You need me, and I need you."

Severus shook his head sharply, pain apparent in his eyes. "You deserve more."

"Severus… I want _you_." Harry scooted close and closed his eyes. "Love, do you have any idea what it would do to me if you were to top yourself?" He pressed his forehead against Severus' and breathed out harshly. "I would be utterly lost without you. No one else could ever understand me like you do—no one else was as deep in this mess as we were. No one else understands the nightmares, the sacrifice, the horrors we went through to end it, so the rest of the world could live in peace. And no one else has ever made me feel like you do. Love, joy, sadness—everything is more powerful, more meaningful with you. And if I lost that…."

Images of Severus floating in the tub, too-still and dying, flickered into his mind and cut his heart to shreds. His body went cold and his stomach lurched with the terrible knowledge that it still might happen, that Severus was still at risk, and Harry couldn't save him on his own this time. Gods help him, he couldn't endure it. After everything they had lived through together, he wouldn't survive if Severus left him in such a manner.

Harry's voice came out in a broken quaver. "If I lost you, if you left me, and I knew it was because the pain overwhelmed you, if you took your own life because you were hurting and I didn't help, because I wasn't there— _again_ —it would absolutely d-destroy me." Tears blinded him and raced, hot and fast, across his nose and cheeks. "Everything good and vital in me would just… wither. Without you, I would never be the same again, and I would carry the knowledge that I _failed_ you—that I fucking—" He buried a sob in Severus' hair. "I wasn't there when you needed me once, Severus, and I… if I failed you again, it would haunt me until my last breath."

With a quiet curse, Severus pressed Harry's head against his own and sobbed harshly. His hands sought anything of Harry he could reach, trembling fingers tangling in Harry's hair, sliding under his shirt at the small of his back, his fingernails digging in in the power of his need. Harry obliged Severus and crept closer. He wished he might just crawl inside the man and be done with it. 

"Oh gods, Harry," Severus pleaded, his voice raw and broken. "I never intended to h-hurt you so badly. I thought you would not miss me. I thought… I was burdening you."

The admission stung, but as Harry knew Severus' fears stemmed from believing _himself_ unworthy and not Harry, he let his hurt go. Severus was only horrified and distraught, and he honestly believed himself worthless. Well, Harry would help him understand the truth. He would _show_ Severus how much the man meant to him, every moment of every day, until he couldn't possibly doubt Harry's love for him ever again.

Harry soothed him with a gentle kiss to Severus' forehead and soft brushes against his cheeks and chin. "Ssh. I know, Severus. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. You were trying to spare me, weren't you?"

Tears rushed down Severus' face. "I thought you would be better off without me. I had hoped you would find someone… _better_. Someone whole. I did not intend to break your heart."

Harry gave him a pained smile. "I think that's the nature of depression, love. It makes you think terrible things about yourself, but don't listen to those dark thoughts, Severus. They're not true. Not in the least."

Harry cradled Severus' face, his touch gentle, but his voice firm. "Listen to me, Severus. You are _not_ a burden to me. Not in the least. You're my light, my joy, the reason I'm still here to fight, though it's hard and I don't know what to do. You're my entire world. Without you, love, I… I don't know. Maybe I'd recover one day, maybe I'd be able to fight again, but I don't think so. I think, if I lost you like this, I'd be as broken as you are now."

Harry tangled his hand in Severus' hair and breathed in a harsh sob. "Please, please don't leave me, Sev. I know it might be selfish, but I need you. I love you. Please try. Please don't go."

"Harry…." Severus nudged closer and held Harry as tight as his weakened arm would allow. "I do not know what tomorrow will bring, my Harry. I cannot promise you I will survive. None of us can do. But I will promise you that I will not attempt to take my life again."

Harry sniffled and eased his hold slightly. "Okay. I… okay."

Severus whispered, "Will you also promise me you will stay? I do not think I am strong enough to face this alone."

"No matter what," Harry whispered back with a nod. "Even if our romantic relationship doesn't work out, I promise I'll stay until you can smile and laugh again. And longer, if you'll have me."

Severus nodded tentatively. "The romance—it is not simply pity, is it?"

"No. You're a wonderful man, Severus. Handsome, intelligent, powerful—I couldn't ask for better."

"You… how can you possibly think that?"

"I do, love." Harry kissed the corner of Severus' lips and rested his forehead against Severus' own. "I actually came here tonight to ask you on a date. To take you out with me on my birthday. And even if you didn't want a date, I wasn't going to let you stay here all day and be alone. I was determined not to let you push me away again." He shuddered and held Severus tighter. "I don't want to think of what would have happened if I'd waited even one more minute to find my courage."

Severus made a soft sound of dismay. "Harry, I am so sorry."

"Ssh. It's all right, love. You're ill. You just didn't have the strength to go on anymore. But now I'm here, and you can borrow as much of mine as you want." Harry kissed his temple and rocked him in his arms. "I'm love with you, Severus. Madly in love. And I'll happily spend the rest of my life proving it to you if that's what it takes to save you."

Slow tears dripped down Severus' face. "I do not know what I did to deserve your love, but I am… glad that you are here."

Harry shook his head and leaned on his elbow, gazing into the troubled eyes of the man he loved. "Severus, you need to understand this. Real love is _not about_ deserving—it was a hard slog for me to learn that, but it's the truth. Love doesn't make demands or set conditions. It just _is_. I love you because of who you are. You don't need to earn it." He traced Severus' jawline and whispered, "But if you need to hear it, if you need to know how what you've done to deserve my love—then the answer is _everything_. You're a hero. My hero, Sev. So try not to hate yourself anymore. We'll get you better. We just have to stay together and take this one step at a time, yeah?"

Severus laced his fingers with Harry's. "Together."

Warmth and hope filled Harry's heart. "Yeah."


	7. Learning to Let Go

Severus woke warm, well-rested, and protected, wrapped in Harry's arms. His head lay on Harry's shoulder, nestled under his chin, hair ruffling with Harry's breath. Why did he feel so… good? Simply because Harry was holding him?

Oh. The nightmares. Severus hadn't had one last night. Perhaps Harry's love had warded them away.

He shivered, unsure if he deserved to feel so cherished, but then, Harry shifted him closer and murmured his name. A trickle of light blossomed in his chest, fighting back the terrible black void within him, and he recalled Harry's words from the night before.

_"Please, let me help you."_

With a sigh, he nudged closer, trembling all over, and whispered an apology against Harry's chest. Gods, Severus hadn't meant to hurt him. He had truly believed the world would be better off without him, that he was simply burdening everyone he loved, and his death would set them free.

Instead, it seemed his death would have torn Harry to shreds. Ripped him just as hollow as Severus was now. He couldn't bear to hurt Harry so badly, not after everything the man had done for him.

Merlin, the idea of living when everything felt dark and bleak was terrifying. A century or two more of this… half-life? Staring at the flowers and doing nothing? He would rather sleep, rather end it.

And yet, Harry's love, his presence, the sensation of his embrace made the world feel brighter, warmer, more welcoming. Perhaps, with Harry to bring light into the darkness, Severus might be able to cope with living. He might be able to hold on, to keep his vow to the man he loved.

Maybe, one day, he might even find a new place in life, one that gave him hope and a reason to go on.

An apothecary with Harry. A novel idea, but one Severus liked. He was already selling ingredients out of his back lawn. Perhaps Harry could help him make a few basic potions too. It wasn't much, but at least it might allow Severus to turn the mains on again and not drain his magic all the time just to keep cool.

And it might give him some sort of purpose again. Something to work towards. A goal to keep him going.

It was a glimmer of hope, at least. And having Harry at his side would make it all the better. No one had ever shown Severus the kind of unconditional loyalty, tender affection, and unwavering devotion that Harry did on a daily basis. That Severus had fallen for him was no surprise. Harry's powerful, all-consuming love left him breathless and quivering inside, held him aloft when he was sinking, saved him when despair ripped him to pieces. Really, the only mystery here was why he hadn't fallen sooner.

Somehow, Harry loved him too. Cherished him. Wanted a life and a future with Severus by his side. He still didn't understand why Harry didn't find someone better, someone whole, but if Harry truly loved and needed him, then Severus wouldn't fight it. He loved and needed Harry too. And he wanted that future Harry had spoken of, he wanted those dreams. He wanted to know what waited beyond the darkness for him.

With Harry at his side, perhaps he would have the strength to search for it.

Hesitantly, he kissed Harry's clothed chest and wrapped his shaking arm around his waist. "Thank you, Harry," he whispered, "for loving me."

Severus hugged him close and promised himself he would try to overcome his sorrow, for Harry's sake. For his own, too. Everything was still dark and frightening, but with Harry's arms wrapped around his waist and his legs tangled with Severus' own, even if he couldn't feel them, the idea of living was less terrifying. Maybe, just maybe, he would be all right, with Harry here to help him.

Harry woke with a smile and kissed Severus' forehead. "Good morning, love. How are you feeling? Do your lungs hurt at all?"

Severus' heart warmed at his solicitousness, the realisation that his health, his well-being was Harry's first thought. "I… I am not in pain."

"Not physically."

"No."

"But emotionally, you're still hurting."

"Yes, but…."

With careful hesitation, Severus traced light touches over Harry's cheek and jawline, following the roughness of his stubble to the soft skin above. Harry closed his eyes and turned into the touch.

"I am… a bit less desolate," Severus murmured.

"Does it help," Harry murmured against Severus' fingertips, "when I hold you? When I touch you and show you how much I love you?"

Severus swallowed hard and gave Harry a hesitant nod. "I am still… lost. But you have brought me hope."

Harry turned and brought Severus close within his arms. "I'll try my best to always be a light for you, love." He kissed Severus' cheek and held him tight, and in his embrace, the darkness within Severus began to fade.

A happy sigh warmed Severus' cheek. "Mm. I love to hold you like this."

Severus pressed his face into the crook of Harry's shoulder. "I must admit, it is soothing for me as well."

"I'll be here to hold you whenever you need it."

After several long moments in each other's arms, Harry sat up and stroked Severus' cheek. "What do you want for breakfast, love? I'll make it for you."

Severus winced and turned his face away. "Harry, I… I have not been functioning well for some time now, and it is difficult to cook for myself in this condition. I do not think there is any food in the house. At least not anything conducive to cooking." And he hadn't any power to work the cooker with, anyway.

Harry gave him an understanding smile. "Well, what would you like to do? I can take you out for breakfast, or I can take you to mine and cook there, or—ah, I know what to do. I don't think you're feeling well enough to go out, are you?"

Severus shook his head.

"Then I'll ask Kreacher to bring some food here. That okay, love?"

"I… I am not very hungry."

Harry's eyes filled with pain. "I know. It's hard to summon the will to eat when you're grieving, but we need to get you healthy again. Do you think you could try to eat, even a little bit?"

Severus swallowed hard, touched by his partner's effort and patience with his recovery. "I… I do not know how much I will be able to manage, but I will try."

"Thank you, Sev." Harry kissed the corner of his mouth and helped him to sit up. "Love, I'm afraid to let you shower alone after last night. Do you mind if I sit with you while you bathe and such? You can close the door, or I can maybe sit outside the room, but I don't want to leave you alone."

"I am not in need of a shower. I did wash last night, before…."

"Okay. Then would it bother you if I stayed outside the bathroom while you brush your teeth and such? Just to make sure you're not tempted?"

"I… it feels…."

"Constricting, I know. I'm sorry, love. I know you're capable of doing it yourself. I'm just scared."

Severus sighed and laid his head against Harry's shoulder. "Perhaps for today, I will use spells to care for myself. I do not feel well enough to bother, to be honest."

Harry stroked Severus' hair and gave him a sad smile. "Okay. I tell you what. You do your spells to brush your teeth and go to the loo, and I'll handle the rest."

"What? How do you intend to do that?"

"I'll show you when you're finished."

Severus searched his eyes, but either Harry had gained some skill in Occluding, or the loss of the horcrux had restored his natural barriers. He sighed and Summoned his wheelchair, heaving himself off the bed and into the seat. It took more effort than it ought, and Severus was panting before he managed to get settled. Harry watched, a pained expression on his face and his hand clutching the sheets. The poor man wanted to help, but held himself back so as not to impede Severus' autonomy.

Severus attempted to smile at him. "Thank you for allowing me to do it myself."

"I know you need to, love. I just wish it wasn't so hard for you." Harry kissed Severus' temple. "But you've really come a long way, and I'm proud of you."

"For getting out of _bed_?"

Harry gave him a sad smile. "Love, when you're this miserable, just getting out of bed is a big accomplishment."

Severus dropped his head and stared at his lap. It was true. The bigger part of him wanted nothing more than to lie about and do nothing. Just sleep until the pain stopped. But it wouldn't lead to healing, and Harry wanted him to be happy again. Or, perhaps, for the first time ever. Would Severus even _know_ happiness when he felt it?

Well, he supposed the only way to know was to try. Regardless, he had promised Harry he wouldn't give up.

A soft kiss fell at the corner of his mouth. "Severus." Harry tipped up Severus' chin and traced his jaw.

"I know, love. I know you feel like you're tired and miserable and nothing's ever going to be okay again. But you're not alone anymore. I'm here. And when you're not strong enough to go on any further, I'll carry you."

A choked sob escaped Severus, and he threw his arms around Harry, drawing him in for a rough embrace. His left arm flailed a bit and caught Harry's shoulder instead of wrapping around his neck as Severus had intended, but he didn't care. He just wanted Harry closer. He just wanted to feel his warmth, his love, and let it drive out the coldness inside, the void clawing at his spirit.

"I'm here, Severus," Harry whispered against his ear, holding him close. "I love you. It's going to be okay one day. You'll see. I swear I'll be with you every step of the way."

Severus gave a soft mewl of pain and hope and held him as tight as his weakened arm would allow. "Harry…."

"I know, love. It's okay. Just keep trying. I'll be here to catch you when you fall."

Severus buried his head in Harry's shoulder and wept, pouring out all the pain and bitter emotion he hadn't been able to the night before.

* * *

Severus came out of the loo after a moment, his hair a mess, but his breath minty fresh. Harry borrowed it to take care of his own needs.

"Sev? Do you mind coming in here for a minute while I shower? Or just talking to me? You don't even have to say anything important. I just need to know you're okay."

After a brief pause, Severus called, "I will come in after you are in the shower." He sounded embarrassed and unsure.

"It's all right, love. I don't mind if you see my body. I just don't want to leave you alone right now."

"I… understand." A red-faced Severus wheeled into the loo just as Harry stepped into the shower. He turned his face away and covered his eyes with his hand. Harry found the gesture adorable but didn't comment on it for the sake of Severus' dignity.

"Okay, love. I'm in now. You can open your eyes." He shut the curtain and turned on the water. A few moments later, he poked his freshly-washed head out of the shower and grinned. "I'm finished. Did you want to stay?" He couldn't help but chuckle at the way Severus backed out of the loo in a hurry. "I'll take that as a no?"

"Harry! Do stop teasing me."

Harry laughed softly. "I'm sorry, love. I was only trying to get you to smile." He called for Kreacher to bring him some fresh clothing, dressed, combed his hair, and joined Severus in the bedroom once he had finished.

Severus gave Harry a half-wary, half-curious look. "How did you intend to care for me, Harry?"

Harry tipped him back and kissed his forehead. "First, what do you want to wear, Sev?"

"Ah… I do not care. My wardrobe is there. Choose something."

Harry rummaged in the wardrobe and chose a light blue dress shirt he doubted Severus had ever worn and a pair of his usual day trousers—light grey. "I know you don't usually wear colour, but I thought it might help you feel a little more cheerful. Is it okay, or would you rather just have one of your white shirts?"

Severus stared at the shirt with apprehension in his eyes. "You will not…."

Harry knelt in front of him and laid his arms on Severus' knees. "Won't I what, love?"

Severus' Adam's apple bobbed. "You will not mock me?"

"Of course not, Severus. Why do you ask?"

Severus dropped his head. "I have not heard much in the way of… praise when I have worn colours in the past."

Harry interpreted that to mean Severus had been viciously attacked for it. Gods, why it should even _matter_ to anyone else was beyond him.

"Well, you'll hear it from me. Wear what you want, Severus. If you're more comfortable in black and white, we can do that. I just thought this might comfort you, but if there's some bad memories, then maybe we shouldn't."

Severus took a deep breath and shook his head. "I will… try the blue."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"All right." Harry stood and motioned to the bed. "Would you like to climb up there on your own, or do you want me to carry you?"

Severus' cheeks flushed. "I should do it myself."

"All right. Will you climb on the bed for me then, Sev? It's going to be too hard to dress you in your chair."

"To… I am capable of dressing myself."

"I know. I just wanted to take care of you. Would you rather do it yourself?"

Severus blinked hard and shook his head slowly. "I… I would like to know what it means to be taken care of."

Harry kissed his forehead. "Then lie down, love, and I'll show you."

Severus nodded tentatively and hauled himself onto the bed. It hurt Harry to watch, to see how much effort it took the man just to move around. But Severus' upper body would soon begin to make up the difference for his legs, if Harry didn't coddle him. He would get used to it, in time. Until then, however, Harry hated to see him suffering just to survive.

Harry lay beside his panting, trembling partner, and kissed his sweaty brow. "It'll be easier one day, Sev. And I'll be here for you when it's too hard from now on."

Severus laced his good hand with Harry's. "Thank you."

Harry kissed his knuckles and sat up. "All right, let's get you ready for the day, love."

With as much love and tenderness as he could offer, Harry brushed the tangles from Severus' hair until it shone, washed his face, and dressed him in clean clothing. By the time Harry fastened Severus' final button and buckled his belt, Severus was in tears.

"I… this is… so much."

Harry guided Severus to sit and wrapped him in his arms. "You like it, Sev? When I brush your hair and such?"

"It feels… so _warm_ inside when you care for me."

"Then we'll do this every morning. Unless you would rather take care of it yourself, I'll brush your hair for you. I think I probably shouldn't dress you every time, just because I don't want to get in the way of your recovery, but brushing your hair wouldn't hurt anything."

"I typically use magic to dress regardless, and I enjoyed it the most when you brushed my hair."

"Then we'll do that every day from now on, unless you're in a hurry or would rather do it yourself." Harry moved back and smiled at the picture his lover made, dressed in his neat, elegant day style with his long feet bare under his trousers. "You're gorgeous, Sev. Never let anyone tell you anything different. Ah, I do like that colour on you too. Blue brings out the light in your eyes and makes your skin glow."

Severus flushed and turned into Harry's hand, quivering, breath hitching. "I… t-thank you."

"I mean it, love. You're beautiful." Harry pulled Severus' wheelchair back to the side of the bed. "Let me help you this time so you don't get too hot again?"

Severus nodded, and Harry lifted him into his wheelchair, settling him with gentle hands and loving touches.

"Now, are you ready for breakfast?"

"I… I am feeling a bit better. I may be able to eat now."

Harry grinned and led the way to the kitchen. "Great. Then I think I know just what to make." He stopped cold at the sight of his minced beef pasties and mash, forgotten in the chaos of the night before. "Er… oops." A wry laugh bubbled out of him. "Good thing I put preservation charms on, yeah? We can just eat this for dinner tonight." Harry went to put the meal in the refrigerator and frowned. "Sev, is your fridge broken?"

Severus flushed and dropped his head. "I… I have not been able to afford to keep the mains on, Harry, so it is simply off. A cooling charm on the main compartment will suffice."

Harry gave him a worried look. "Have you been using magic for everything, Sev?"

Severus' cheeks turned bright red. "I… had little choice."

Harry nodded and gave him a sad smile. "Well, now you'll have me to share the load. _Frigus_." He placed the food from last night into the refrigerator and closed the door. "I suppose that means I'll have to use magic to power the cooker too, huh? Well, that's no trouble."

Severus ducked his head in obvious shame and uncertainty. "Forgive me."

"Love, there's nothing to forgive. You've been living here alone with no one to help, and you're just _barely_ recovered. Of course you would have trouble keeping your utilities on. I can just use a warming charm on the hob. Nothing to worry over."

He kissed Severus' temple. "Now, you just sit down and relax. I think I know just what to make."

Severus wheeled himself to the table and watched, curiosity overcoming the tinge of shame and despair within his eyes. With a relieved smile, Harry called his elf and, once he had the proper groceries, set to work.

* * *

As Severus watched Harry flip a ham and cheese omelette, Winky appeared with a yellow phial in her hand. The bottom dropped out of his stomach as he recalled Poppy's words from the night before. Sunshine Elixir. The brew had both unicorn hair and phoenix feathers. One phial would cost half what Severus had brought in a month as headmaster. In the years before Albus' death, when his pain had proven too much, Severus had always brewed it himself, taking the feathers from Fawkes and the hair from the unicorn herds in the forest. The previous year, he had still managed to brew it on occasion, as phoenix feathers hadn't drained his income entirely, but to purchase _both_ rare ingredients, plus the other, more common components, was far too much for his pitiful reserves.

Harry took the potion from the elf with a smile. "Thank you, Winky. Please tell Madam Pomfrey I'll pay her for this as soon as I've a chance to go to Gringotts."

Winky bowed and clutched her tam—a new one, without butterbeer stains. Perhaps the war had sobered her.

"Thank you, Master Potter. Winky be telling her."

Severus opened his mouth to protest, but Harry shot him a stern look, and the elf had apparated away before he could utter a syllable anyway. He turned a miserable, heartsick look on his partner.

"Harry… it's so much."

"And your life is worth every knut." Harry gave Severus a quick smile and flipped his omelette out of the pan. "Even if I need to buy this potion for the rest of your life, if it helps you cope, it's worth it."

Severus watched Harry ready a cup of tea with the potion and add one sugar, as Severus liked. "Harry…."

"Does this need anything else to cover the taste of the potion? More sugar, maybe?"

"No," he said, even though Severus preferred to add a pinch of ginger, "but, Harry, this is simply too much. I—"

Harry placed the tea before Severus and kissed his forehead. "You're worth it, Severus. Even if this took every bit of my fortune, you're worth it." Strong hands cupped his face. "Please, Sev. Please take it. For me."

Faced with the fear and love clear in Harry's beautiful eyes, Severus could do nothing but obey.

A gentle kiss brushed the top of his head. "Thank you," Harry murmured and stroked his cheek. "It's going to be okay, Sev. I promise."

Severus gave him an uncertain nod and sipped his doctored tea.

Harry rubbed his face once and returned to the cooker. A few moments later, he set a plate with half an orange, sliced ripe tomatoes from the garden, fried potatoes, and one of the omelettes with green onions and paprika sprinkled on top.

"Harry, this looks delicious." And yet, Severus wasn't sure he could eat it.

"Thank you, love." Harry smiled and sat across him with a plate of his own. "Go on, then. And don't worry if you can't finish. Just eat what you can."

"As you wish." Cautiously, Severus took a bite of the omelette and his worries vanished. Harry's breakfasts were even better than his dinners.

He set in with a relish, and ended up eating far more than he had thought he could manage. Still barely half, but Harry smiled at him when he had finished and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you, love," Harry murmured against Severus' temple. "You're doing so well."

Severus' cheeks burned. He dropped his head and looked away. "I am not a child."

"No, but a little encouragement doesn't hurt when you're feeling down, does it?"

Severus relented with a sigh. "I… I suppose not."

Harry rubbed his shoulder and cheek. "I'm only trying to take care of you, Severus. That's all. If I'm too oppressive, or if I make you feel silly, just tell me. I honestly don't know what I'm doing—I'm just trying to do what I think might make you feel better, but I might make mistakes too. So it's okay if you would rather I not do something. Just tell me."

Severus gave him a slow nod. "You have… done well with me, I think. I do not know what I need either, but I am feeling somewhat better."

"That's good, love. I'm sure you'll have your bad days still—hell, so will I—but as long as you're willing to fight with me to get past them, we'll be okay, right?"

Severus kissed Harry's palm. "I will try, Harry."

"That's good enough for me." With a warm smile, Harry smoothed Severus' hair back from his face and kissed his forehead. "I'm so happy to be with you, Sev. You have no idea how much I missed you when you asked me to go. It was so hard to stay away."

Severus took Harry's caressing hand in his own. "I missed you as well, but I feared tying you to me."

"I know, love, but don't. You make me happy."

Severus squeezed Harry's hand. "I… I will try to remember."

"Good." Harry spelled the dishes into the sink and, once he had set them to washing themselves with conjured water, guided Severus into the living room and sat on the sofa. "I feel like relaxing and reading this morning. Something fun—not for study, just to enjoy it."

"Do you? I hadn't pegged you as one to read for pleasure."

"I learned to enjoy it on the horcrux hunt and while locked up at the Dursleys'. There wasn't anything else to do, and so I learned to appreciate a good book."

Severus heaved himself out of his wheelchair to sit beside Harry, bringing a sigh of contentment from the younger man. After a quick kiss to Severus' shoulder, Harry clapped his hands and called his aging elf.

"Hello, Kreacher," said Harry, his tone gentle. "Would you mind bringing my John Grisham book and… let me see. How about _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ for Sev. Are you too busy?"

"No, Master," said Kreacher in his bullfrog voice. "I will bring the books to you and the half-blood."

"Kreacher." Harry's tone lost all semblance of gentleness. "Severus is my partner and the man I love above all others. You are to treat him with the same respect you do for me."

Kreacher's big eyes blinked a few times. "Master has chosen a man for a mate?"

Harry's gaze sharpened. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"Ah, no, no. Kreacher is only being surprised. I thought you is dating the red-haired Weasley."

"They are _all_ red-haired," said Severus with a wry snort.

Harry chuckled. "I'm not sure why, but apparently Ginny's hair is in a class of red all its own." He shrugged and turned back to his elf. "I was, Kreacher, but Ginny wasn't happy and neither was I. She knew I loved Sev and that Severus needed me, so she left. And I hope she's happier for it, one day. Now, will you treat Severus with respect? He isn't the 'half-blood' or any other name but Master Severus, Master Snape, or Severus, if you'd rather."

"Yes, Master Harry."

"Thank you. Will you retrieve the books for us?"

"Yes, Master. I is bringing you lunch too."

Harry's mouth curled into a wry smile. "All right. I'm looking forward to it. Just keep it light for Severus, okay? He's still healing, and we had a rather large breakfast."

"Yes, Master Harry. Kreacher will be getting your books now." The elf popped away and returned bearing two paperback novels. "Here you are, Master. I will have lunch ready at one."

"Thank you, Kreacher. We'll see you then."

Kreacher bowed and popped away. With a soft laugh, Harry handed Severus his book.

"Kreacher likes to cook and gets irritated when I don't let him after so many days in a row. It's best to just let him have his way when he demands it, or he'll be especially cranky about it."

Severus frowned and opened his mouth to question the aging elf's ability, then stopped. What right did he have to question anyone when he couldn't even stand any longer?

Harry kissed Severus' temple. "It's all right. Kreacher is a decent cook. And it'll be nice to rest and relax with you today." He slid his hand into Severus'. "Now, that book, I reckon you'll get quite the laugh out of it. It's so brilliantly absurd. Muggles have very strange ideas of what magic might be, and this one was possibly the strangest of the lot. But it's a fun story."

Severus frowned and flipped through the pages. "When did you have time to read this?"

Harry's eyes took on a faraway quality. "I told you of Hermione's bag? The one with the expandable charms on it?"

"Yes."

"Well, when she packed for the horcrux hunt, she had to leave most of her belongings behind, only taking the essentials and a few things she couldn't part with. Her favourite Muggle novels ranked among the top priority of 'things she couldn't part with,' along with photos of her loved ones and a locket her mother had given her for her birthday."

"So you read them while you were searching for the horcruxes?"

Harry nodded and snuggled close, as if he needed comfort. "We spent most of our time researching, but the locket horcrux made us… bitter. It sapped all the happiness right out of us, almost like a miniature dementor. Reading those novels kept me from despair, especially after Ron left."

"I see." Severus kissed Harry's temple. "As you are keeping me from despair now."

A soft smile crossed Harry's face. "Yeah. I'm trying at least. Anyway, Alice is one of my favourites. It made me laugh even with the horcrux on. Though I'm fairly certain Carroll had to be on some kind of Muggle drugs to come up with some of this stuff."

Severus snorted in spite of himself. "A glowing endorsement, to be sure."

Something warm and soft filled his chest at the sight of Harry's unrestrained laughter. Merlin, he wanted to see it more. To make Harry happy. To be happy himself.

"Go on and read it, Sev," Harry said with a chuckle. "You'll see what I mean."

Severus tugged Harry into his side, turned his magically-enhanced gramophone on with a flick of his wrist, and switched the record to Debussy.

"Oh, I do like this one," Harry said with a smile. "Is this Clair de Lune?"

"When did you learn that?"

"Listening through the keyhole at the Dursleys'."

Severus nudged Harry closer and kissed the top of his head. "From now on, you will hear it in the daylight. Or the moonlight, which may be more appropriate."

Harry chuckled and laid his head on Severus' shoulder. "Sounds good to me."

He cracked open his book and turned to a place halfway through. Severus set the Carroll book on his lap, using magic to hold it open and turn the pages to spare his arms.

Before long, Severus was indeed snorting every other paragraph at the absurdity of the book. Cats with giant grins, rabbits with pocket watches, playing-card castle soldiers, and caterpillars with hookahs. It was ridiculous, but entertaining, and Severus found he was feeling better by the time Harry stretched and laid his book aside.

"We still have a couple of hours before lunch. What would you like to do now, love?"

"I… think I should like to go outside after all."

Harry beamed and carried him to the back lawn. He set up a conjured swing among the flowers—warded against sight and sound from Severus' Muggle neighbours, of course—and settled Severus on the seat. Harry dropped into place beside him and tugged Severus into his arms.

"Sorry if I manhandled you a bit, love. I just wanted to hold you."

To his surprise, Severus found he didn't mind being carried if it was Harry holding him. "I rather liked it. But I _do_ need to use my own body as much as I am able."

"Yeah. Poppy told me. I won't get in the way of your recovery or coddle you too much. I just wanted to feel you in my arms for a minute."

"If you wish to carry me on occasion, I do not mind."

Harry kissed Severus' hair and settled in to relax in the sunshine. Feeling what he thought might be the beginnings of contentment, Severus laid his head on Harry's shoulder and watched the butterflies flutter about.


	8. Blessings and Burdens

By evening, Harry sensed Severus was upset. Harry had stayed by his side all day, spending time with him in simple activities, just trying to bring some light and joy into his heart, but as the day went on, Severus had become more and more withdrawn and unsure of himself.

After dinner, Harry settled on the sofa and beckoned Severus to come near. The man wheeled himself to the sofa beside Harry, and Harry lifted him into his lap and held him close.

"Okay, love. Tell me what's bothering you, if you can. Are you bored?"

Severus shook his head, his expression bemused. "I think if I were in a proper frame of mind, I would be. Generally, I prefer more mental stimulation."

"Yeah. I just reckoned today needed to be a day to rest and recover. Tomorrow, we'll try to pick up your research again, if you feel up to it."

Severus' brow creased. "I am not sure I will be able to concentrate yet."

"That's all right. If you need another day to relax, or another month, it's okay. We'll just spend some time healing each other."

"Harry, I cannot keep the mains on as is. I can't _afford_ to spend another month without income, and neither can you."

"Severus…." Harry hugged him close and petted his hair. "Love, I have enough money in my vaults that I could support an entire family without ever having to work. Not that I _would_ —I need to do something with myself to feel happy—but I could if I need to. And, honestly, I need to right now. I need to take a break and relax for a bit, and in the meantime, I want to use my extra galleons to take care of you. I want to make sure you're provided for, even if it takes you a long time to recover, so you don't have to worry about whether you can bring in enough money to eat or whether your mains stay on while you heal. So you don't have to use all your magic just to stay alive."

Severus flushed and dropped his head. "Harry, I can't ask that of you."

"You didn't ask, love. I offered. And it's not an obligation or a debt to repay, either. I _want_ to take care of you. And all I want from you in return is to see you healthy and happy one day. That's worth everything to me."

Tears dripped down Severus' face. "But I may never _be_ healthy again, Harry. And in the meantime, you are wasting your life to watch butterflies and read novels with me!"

" _Wasting_ it?" Harry cupped Severus' cheeks and traced his thumbs over the trails of wetness and pain. "Actually, Severus, that sounds like a damn good way to spend my life. By your side, enjoying all the simple pleasures life has to offer. That's my dream, if I'm honest."

"Truly?"

With a soft smile, Harry nodded and rested his forehead against Severus'. "Yeah. A nice, simple life with you after eighteen years of chaos sounds lovely. But I know you need more than that. You need to be able to take care of yourself and have a steady position—you can't stand to be idle for long, and that's okay. We can work towards restoring your ability to support yourself. For right now, though, my main concern is your health. And my own, to be honest."

Severus' eyes shot up to meet his partner's. "Yours, Harry? What is the matter?"

Harry sighed and leaned back, guiding Severus to rest against his chest. "Love, do you know in eighteen years, I've never had the _chance_ to sit and watch the butterflies? I've never had a minute to myself in all this time. First I spent half my life as the Dursleys' house-elf or their prisoner, then I had school and the war and the horcruxes—my entire life has been chaos and drudgery and pain. I _need_ this time to recover, to find myself and heal and relax, just to _breathe_ , as much as you do."

"I see." Severus laid his head on Harry's shoulder and tentatively stroked his chest. "So this is you healing yourself as much as taking care of me."

"Yes, love, so there's no need to feel guilty about it. I _want_ to be here with you, whether we're working in the lab or the gardens or watching old films on your sofa and eating popcorn."

"I have never had popcorn."

Harry grinned. "Well, I know what we're doing tomorrow then. I'll have Kreacher bring groceries tomorrow morning, and if it's all right with you, I'll floo call Hermione tonight and ask her for a few tapes. You have a VHS player, right?"

Severus nodded.

"Then tomorrow we're having a home cinema night. We'll do some practical work in the daytime if you feel better, and then we'll come in here, change into some pyjamas, pop some popcorn, and watch old films together. Sound good?"

"I… it does, rather."

Severus gave him a hesitant half-smile. A small thing, full of pain and uncertainty, but a start towards happiness. Hope flickered in Harry's heart at the sight of it. A smile. That was progress, wasn't it?

"Mm, yeah. Do you have any requests? Any films you always wanted to see but never could?"

Severus' breath caught. "Yes, there is one. Lily loved it when we were children, but I never had the opportunity to see it."

"Really?" Harry smiled softly. "Well, then it'll have special meaning for both of us. What is it, love?"

" _The Wizard of Oz_. Lily enjoyed it because the magical folk in the film were so absurd, much like you felt about the Carroll novel."

"Huh. I've never seen it either. I'll ask Hermione if she has it. If she doesn't, she knows where we can rent it."

"Rent it?"

"Yeah, there are shops that have tapes to rent. They give you three days or so to watch it, then you can take it back and get a new one, if you want."

Severus nodded. "I would like to watch it with you, but if you ask Miss Granger, will you need to tell her about me?"

Harry gave him a sad smile. "Only if you want me to, love. To be honest, I'd like to tell her, at least. Ron isn't particularly sensitive, but Hermione is, and I might need help sometimes. But if you don't want her to know, it's okay. We'll work it out."

Severus sighed and rested his head against Harry's. "Tell her then. I do not wish to take away your own support network, simply because I have none."

"You have Professor McGonagall. You have Poppy. Molly and Arthur. Bill. Professor Flitwick. All of my friends would be here in an instant if you need it. And of course, you always have me."

Severus trembled against him. "You truly believe so many care for my welfare?"

"I think there are more. There are loads of people who would be really upset if you…." Harry's breath hitched and tears welled on his lashes. "If you were to… go. They would feel responsible, I think. I know I would."

Severus nodded tentatively. "I will not take my life. I have already promised you this."

"I know, love. I believe you." Harry tugged him closer and nuzzled Severus' hair. "It's just going to take time for me to move past it. I've never been so scared in my life, not even when I had to walk to my own death. Losing you… gods." His voice broke. "I can't bear to even think of it. I love you so much."

"Harry…."

Harry buried his face in Severus' sweet-smelling hair and breathed him in, committing his scent to memory, convincing himself that Severus was _here_ , he was alive, and he wouldn't lose him. He couldn't help clutching at the man's hair and robe and hiding a few tears in his silky locks. Gods, he was so afraid. He was doing his best, but what if he made a mistake? If he said the wrong thing or had a bad day, would Severus give up hope?

Harry clung tighter to Severus, praying with all he was worth that he was strong enough to carry his lover through the valley of shadow, to bring him through to the other side.

* * *

Severus ran his fingers through Harry's hair, holding his shaking, tearful lover. Harry's devotion had blasted his heart wide open, left him raw and quaking, both with the power of his partner's love and the realisation that Harry _needed_ Severus desperately, as much as he loved him.

Before Harry saved him from himself—again—Severus had believed the man would be better off without him. Harry could have his choice of lovers. The world had laid itself at his feet, and, until Harry had begged him not to hurt himself again, Severus had believed it kinder to let him go. He hadn't been able to bear the thought of saddling Harry with a broken, useless man, and had believed that, once he had… stepped out of the way, Harry would find someone whole, someone happy to make a new life with. A better life.

But now, as he held his devastated, terrified lover in his arms, he realised that to leave Harry bereft would utterly shatter him. Harry would never be the same. He might even be tempted to follow Severus into death. And even if he _did_ survive, the wound of Severus' death would never heal. He might recover, might even find another family, but he would never have the joy, the happiness, the love Severus wanted for him. Even if he appeared happy on the outside, Harry would always carry an ache in his heart, bearing the burden of Severus' death with him to the grave.

No. Gods, no. He couldn't hurt Harry like that.

"Severus," Harry said into his shoulder, voice broken and rough, "I love you so much. Stay. Please, gods, stay with me. Or even if you don't want to stay with me, please just promise me you'll stay somewhere."

The man's soft plea rang in Severus' ears. He wanted to reassure Harry, to soothe his fear and bring him peace. He wanted to see him smile again.

"I am here, Harry. I am with you."

"I know. I'm s-sorry. I should trust you better. I'm just… so bloody scared."

Severus kissed Harry's curls over and over, trying to ease his pain, to give him hope. "Harry, love, I am safe."

"Yes, now, but what if I mess up, Severus? If I say something stupid or if I accidentally hurt your feelings? I'm doing my best, but I'm so scared I'll make a mistake and… that'll be it."

"Harry, no. I know you are human. I do not expect you to be perfect."

Harry whimpered and pressed closer. "I'm sorry, Sev. I know—you promised, and you always keep your word. I'm just scared. I'm so afraid I'll make one wrong move and lose you forever, when I just… I just want to make you happy again. Even if it's not with me, I—gods, I just want you to be happy and safe. Just to see you smile."

Tears tracked down Severus' cheeks. Dear gods. Never in all his life had he dreamed he would ever find such a pure, unselfish kind of love. He had never dreamed he would find love at all, let alone a man who loved him so intensely, he would sacrifice his own happiness to see him healthy again.

But Severus didn't want Harry to sacrifice anything. Just as Harry would give anything to see Severus' smile, so Severus would give everything he had for the sake of Harry's joy. Perhaps it wasn't much, but if his love could make Harry happy and relieve his fears, Severus would gladly offer it.

And it wouldn't be a sacrifice for him either.

Warmth and softness filled Severus' heart. Gods, how he loved this man.

With a deep breath, he turned Harry's chin up and kissed him lightly, a soft brush of lips and a gentle caress that Severus felt down to his core. It was soft and light, absolution and love and healing. Merlin, he might be able to find his way to recovery just like this.

Harry gasped and leaned into him, trembling and breathless. "Sev… oh."

"Good?"

"Perfect," Harry whispered, and kissed him once more, setting Severus' heart alight. "Yeah, brilliant. Kiss me whenever you want."

"Yes." Severus hugged Harry close and kissed his temple. "I am here, Harry. I am with you. And I shall never leave you bereft again."

Harry quivered and dropped his head onto Severus' shoulder. "Thank you," he breathed, his voice shaky. "I'm glad you're with me now."

"So am I."

* * *

After dinner and exercising his legs with Harry's assistance, Severus had mentioned Harry's desire to speak to Hermione and suggested it might be a good time. And so, Severus found himself lying on a cushion on the floor, his head ensconced in Harry's lap as his partner sat cross-legged before the floo. Harry stroked his hair and murmured to his friend in the fireplace, his expression alternating between worry and love.

"Oh, Harry," Granger whispered, having just heard what Harry had discovered when he came to ask Severus out the night before. "Oh, _sir_. Are you all right? Are _either_ of you all right?"

Severus barely hid his surprise. Hermione was worried about him too? He hadn't truly believed she would care, but no, her voice wavered and her eyes were wet as she shot rapid-fire questions at her friend.

"What are you doing for him, Harry? Is he going to see someone for therapy? You're not leaving him alone, right? Oh Merlin. I suppose this means you've moved in to Spinner's End?"

Harry grimaced. "Whoa, Hermione. One question at a time. No, neither of us is all right. We've been through years of war and chaos and we're both a little lost. But we're helping each other recover, and that's the important thing. No, I'm not leaving him alone. And we haven't found a therapist yet—I've mostly just been helping him get to a point where he's well enough to consider it—but we'll probably talk to Poppy about it as soon as he's able to face the idea."

His cheeks turned crimson. "And, well, I've not exactly asked him about moving in yet, but I suppose I'm technically staying here since I won't leave Severus to face this alone."

"Stay," Severus murmured. "Stay with me, Harry."

Harry's eyes widened and his lips curved into a smile. "Are you asking me to move in, love?"

Severus gave him a terse nod, fearful of being rejected. "I… I am happier when you are with me. Please stay."

"Oh!" Granger gave a little squeak of mingled delight and relief, and both men blushed.

Harry gave Severus a gentle smile. "You're beautiful when you blush."

Severus' cheeks burned hotter. "Harry, I am as far from beautiful as it is possible to be."

Harry shook his head and smoothed Severus' hair back from his face. " _That_ would be Riddle."

Severus snorted in spite of himself. "I never imagined I would find a nose worse than mine until I saw him."

Harry burst into laughter. "Yes! Merlin, it was hideous." He chuckled and ran his hands through Severus' hair. "But don't be so cruel to yourself. Your nose is lovely. Aristocratic and elegant."

" _Elegant_? Harry, I have the most mangled proboscis of—"

"Ssh." Harry pressed a kiss to his own thumb and touched it to the tip of Severus' nose. "Your nose _is_ elegant. At least, it is to me.

"I am not deaf, Harry, nor am I a fool. I have heard the cruelty spoken of me among the students, from you as much as anyone else."

A shamed flush burned Harry's cheeks. "You're right. During the war, when you had to be cold, so was I. I fought back however I could. But…." He traced a fingertip down Severus' nose. "But now, since the veil of anger and hatred is gone, I see you for who you truly are, and I love you. Your dear nose included. It's been a long time since I saw anything in your face and body but how lovely you are."

Tears stung Severus' eyes. He lifted his weak arm and stroked Harry's cheek, catching a bit of his ear, too, but Harry didn't seem to mind.

"Stay," Severus whispered. "Please stay."

"Okay, love." Harry took Severus' hand and kissed his fingers. "We'll go by the house sometime this week and pick up my things. I'd ask Kreacher, but I'm afraid that's a bit much for him to handle on his own. Is that okay with you?"

Severus nodded and squeezed Harry's hand.

"It's settled then." Harry looked up and gave Granger a wry look. "So we're together, obviously."

Granger chuckled. "So I see. I'm glad. I think love can help you both heal, as long as you remember to rebuild your identities outside of the relationship again too. You need to find yourselves alone as much as you need to find each other. Just be careful, all right?"

"We're taking things slowly," Harry said with a nod. "I don't want us to become so dependent on one another that we don't know who we are outside of our relationship. And we've both been trying to encourage each other to pursue the interests that make us unique, so I think we'll be okay. We just need this time with one another to heal. The war's sapped all the best parts from both of us."

Severus murmured, "I am not so sure of that," and stroked Harry's cheek. "You are… I…."

Harry kissed Severus' knuckles and held his hand against his chest. "It's okay, love. Tell me later."

Severus nodded, grateful Harry understood his fears of revealing the softest parts of his heart in front of anyone he wasn't close to.

"I think I get the gist," said Granger with a sniffle. She wiped her eyes and grinned. "Well, I'm glad to see you're feeling a little better, sir."

"I hope so," Harry said in a worried voice. "I'm trying to help. And to that end, 'Mione, do you have some good films on tape we can borrow? _Happy_ films? _The Wizard of Oz_ , especially."

"Oh, I love that one. Yes, I'll send them through in just a moment." She flicked her wand a few times, and several VHS tapes landed in a conjured cardboard box. She passed them through the fire and smiled. " _The Wizard of Oz_ is right on top, but I also put in _Dirty Dancing_ , _My Fair Lady_ , _When Harry Met Sally_ , and _The Princess Bride_. They're all sweet and romantic, and the last one is funny too. Sound good?"

"I've never seen any of them, so I reckon we'll find out," said Harry with a chuckle. "Thanks, 'Mione."

"No problem." She gave Severus a warm smile. "I do hope you feel better soon, sir. And you can floo call me or owl me any time if you need to. I'll be happy to help where I can."

Severus' breath lodged in his throat. "I… thank you, Miss Granger."

"Hermione, please. You're my best friend's partner."

Severus nodded as best as he could with his head in Harry's lap. "Please call me Severus then."

She smiled. "Of course, Severus. I do hope the films help. I've other films here too if you'd like to watch more when you're finished with that lot. Oh! And…." She Summoned a book and passed it through to Harry. "I saw this in the local bookshop the other day and picked it up for you, Harry. I thought you might enjoy it."

" _Lord of the Rings_." Harry skimmed the back cover and grinned. "Sounds interesting, but what's a hobbit?"

"Read it and see!"

Harry laughed and sent the book sailing to one of Severus' shelves. "Will do. Thanks, Hermione."

"You're welcome. I'm going to let you go so you can get Severus off the floor, but keep me posted, okay?"

"We will. I'll see you soon."

Hermione waved and cut the connection. Harry helped Severus into his wheelchair and knelt in front of him.

"Are you all right, love? Not sore?"

Severus nodded. "We were not on the floor long enough to injure me."

"Good." Harry brushed his hair back from his face. "Do you want to take a bath?"

Severus ducked his head to hide a blush. "I suppose I should do."

Harry traced Severus' cheek with his knuckles, the touch soft and loving. "How do you want me to handle it? I'll stay in there with you if you want. Even help you with your legs and such if you want me to. Or I can stay outside the door and just talk to you."

Severus swallowed hard. "I think it would not be wise to help me if we are truly going to take this relationship slowly. But I… I would like you to stay with me."

Harry kissed his forehead. "Okay, love. Then let's get you out of these clothes and into the tub. I'll go draw a bath for you. Do you need help undressing?"

"Magic _can_ assist with some tasks, Harry."

Harry laughed and stood. "Right. I don't know why I never remember it for basic things. Come on then."

Severus nodded and followed Harry into the loo. Harry kissed him lightly and turned away while he undressed, and Severus appreciated the fact that Harry tried to respect his needs, even if it mattered little.

"Harry, love, you are going to see me nude in a moment, and you already have done last night. There is no need to turn away."

Harry looked over his shoulder with a blush. "Ah, right. You're sure?"

Severus beckoned Harry close and kissed him with slow, tender love. Tangling his fingers into that wild mop, Severus whispered " _Vestevesco_ " against Harry's lips. His clothing and boots liquefied and slid from his body, reforming in a folded stack by the door.

"Oh Merlin." Harry's breath hitched and his eyes dilated. "That… shite, Sev. That's not encouraging me to take it slow."

Severus squirmed, half-turned on and half-afraid. "I am not—"

"I know. You're not ready. Neither am I, to be honest." Harry kissed his forehead. "I'll never ask for more than you can give, okay? It just… it was just damned hot to watch that. You're so bloody powerful."

Severus' gaze dropped to his too-thin, too-useless legs. "I am broken."

"You're _paralysed_ , not broken. And it hasn't diminished your power in the least. You're still the strongest man I've ever known."

Severus' face contorted with anguish and a spark of anger. "Harry, _look at me_! How can you say that, when I am half a man?"

"Love, I am looking at you. And you're a whole, beautiful, powerful wizard just as you were before you were paralysed."

Tears ran down Severus' face. "No. I… how?"

Harry kissed Severus' tears away and held his face in gentle hands. "Ssh. It's okay. I know you don't believe that yet, but I _do_. After everything you've survived, everything you've endured, you're _still here_. That's incredible, Sev."

"But I—"

Harry silenced his protests with a light kiss. "It's true. Anyone but you would have died a thousand times over."

Severus stifled a whimper of pain and desperate need to be worth something, to still have a place in the world. Harry cradled him close and whispered against his cheek.

"You're still worthy, love. And you _are_ powerful. I mean, just look around us. There's no electricity or water in this house, but you're keeping it liveable on the strength of your wandless magic alone. And yes, you're paralysed, but surviving after such a dire injury takes incredible strength—physical and mental—and _you're doing it_. You're getting around by sheer physical power and magic. You're _surviving_ , in spite of everything in your way." Gentle hands brushed his hair from his face and tipped his chin up. "You're amazing, Sev, just because you're you."

Severus caught Harry into a fierce, tear-streaked kiss. "You… truly think so much of me, even now?"

"I love you, Severus. I think you're the most incredible man in the world."

Severus clutched at Harry's neck. "You are hopelessly biased."

Harry laughed softly and lifted Severus into his arms. "Yeah, I reckon I am, love. But it doesn't make anything I said untrue."

Severus wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and buried a sigh in his hair. "I… do not feel I deserve any of it."

"But you do." Harry's arms cradled him close and his lips sought Severus' own. "You do, love. You're my hero, I admire you as much as I love you."

Severus pressed his forehead against Harry's. "And you are mine."

Harry's lips curved in a soft, warm smile. "Yeah. I always will be, love." He nuzzled Severus' nose. "Can you fill the tub from here? I probably should have done before I picked you up, but I wanted to hold you and forgot."

" _Aguamenti Calefacio Modera_."

A moment later, Severus lay in steamy, soapy water and sighed as the heat relaxed his strained muscles. Merlin, even his legs had tensed, judging by the hardness of the muscle under his hands. Harry had chided him in the beginning for taking baths rather than showers, but Severus needed the heat to ease his soreness. Learning to move with only half his body was difficult and draining.

Harry sat on the toilet, leaning on his knees with a pensive expression. His eyes tracked Severus' movements as he lay back in the water, letting the hot water ease the soreness from his back, but it didn't feel intrusive. It was… calming, to know Harry wanted to watch over him. Before his injury, he might have found such attention oppressive and insulting. Now, it felt safe and warm to know someone cared for him so much. That someone loved him enough to sit with him while he bathed, just to keep him safe. Severus knew if anything happened to him, Harry would be there to help in an instant.

A pained expression filled Harry's eyes as Severus ducked under the water to wet his hair. Severus came up to find Harry's head buried in his hands and his entire body shaking.

"Merlin." He leaned over, reaching for Harry's hand. "Harry."

Warm, shaking fingers enclosed on his own. "M'sorry. I just… remembered."

"I am so sorry, love. I did not intend to traumatise you."

"Your death would absolutely destroy me. Please—gods. Sev, I love you so much."

"I know, Harry. I know. It's all right. Look at me, pet. I was only wetting my hair. I am safe, and I will not leave you."

Harry's hand tightened on his. "Thank you." He took a shuddering breath and clenched his fists on his knees. "I'll be okay, love. Just… maybe use a cup? For now? I'm not sure I can bear to watch you…."

"Very well."

Harry conjured a cup for Severus and levitated it to the edge of the tub. "Thank you, Sev. I'm sorry. I trust you. It's just—"

"The memory is still too raw and painful."

"Yeah."

Severus poured shampoo in his hands and gave Harry a sad, weak smile. "I understand."

"Merlin, I'm sure you do, pet." Harry laid his chin on his hand and murmured, "Sev, to change the subject and because I want to know, where do you see this going? Us, I mean."

Severus lathered his hair while he considered the question. "I do not know, Harry. I am… living with me will not be easy. I am permanently disabled and clinically depressed. Either of those would make me a difficult choice of partner. Both will double the burden on you. I do not know if it is fair to ask you to stay when it will be so very hard on you."

Harry knelt by the tub and cradled Severus' cheek in his hand. "You are not a burden. You are a beautiful gift, a priceless treasure, the man I love most in the entire world. Staying with you, even on your bad days, is all I want."

Severus leaned into his hand, shaking with the powerful emotions Harry's declaration had inspired. "It still will not be easy."

"No. We have a lot of obstacles to overcome. But you're worth it, Sev. Having you is worth everything to me."

Severus kissed Harry's palm and gave him a tearful nod. "You are much the same to me. My light, my hope, my reason to go on when it all seems so dark. I only do not want to…."

"You are _not_ a burden."

"I…." Severus sighed and closed his eyes. "I fear I may have difficulty accepting that."

"It's okay. I'll tell you as many times as it takes for you to believe it." Harry kissed his forehead and moved back, sputtering. "Shampoo in my mouth."

Severus' lips twitched a little. "Serves you right for kissing my head while I am washing my hair."

Harry chuckled and leaned back. "True." He wrapped his arms around his waist, his eyes full of concern. "Sev, what do you _want_ from this? Paralysis and fears aside, what do you hope for?"

Severus swallowed a tight lump in his throat. "I…." Was it fair to answer? Was it fair to tell him…?

_'You are not a burden.'_

Severus gave a shaky sigh and used Harry's cup to rinse his hair, in part to keep the shampoo from getting in his eyes and in part to give himself a moment to collect his thoughts.

"I… hope for… a future. I hope for… you."

Inarticulate and vague as his answer was, Harry must have understood what he lacked the ability to say.

"Yeah?" Radiance and joy lit his face from within. "I hope for a future with you too, Sev. A life together. Is that what you want?"

Severus blinked water from his eyes—or were those tears?—and nodded.

"Brilliant."

Harry moved to sit on the toilet and watched, his eyes soft and loving, as Severus rubbed conditioner into his hair and washed his upper body.

"I think we'll be okay, Sev. In the future, I mean."

"If we can find a way to support ourselves."

"Well, you already have the makings of a decent potions garden here. I know you're selling some, but I could maybe whip up a few basic potions to sell, too. Of course, they wouldn't be as good as yours, but, with you to supervise, I reckon I could make them well enough to turn a profit. We could make this work."

Tentative hope rendered Severus' voice soft and small. "You believe so?"

Harry smiled. "Yeah. As long as we're together, I do."

Severus closed his eyes and nodded, letting Harry's devotion warm him, if only for a moment. "Then we shall try it." He poured water over his head once more, rinsing the last of the conditioner from his hair before he spoke again, his voice low and sad. "Your plans are certainly better than what I had before."

Harry gave him a pained look. "You weren't planning on surviving past the winter, were you?"

Severus let his head drop. "Forgive me."

"Ssh." Harry leaned over and rubbed his cheek. "It's okay. There's nothing to forgive. You're just sick, but we'll get you better, okay?"

Severus nodded. "We shall try, at least."

"Yeah. And…." Harry took a deep breath and resolution filled his eyes. "And even if I _do_ make mistakes, I'm not going to stop trying until you're healed."

Severus snorted and wiped the water from his face. "Stubborn Gryffindor."

"Absolutely!"

With a wry shake of his head, Severus focused his energy on washing his lower legs and feet. He had to do it wandlessly these days, but more often than not, he ran out of magical strength before he could. And after a long day of keeping the house liveable on so little energy, even with Harry to help share the burden, he was not surprised to feel his magic sputter and fail. The flannel gave a pitiful jerk towards his feet and fell into the water. With a sigh, Severus struggled to pull his legs up manually, but he couldn't hold them and wash them at the same time, so the result was messy and ineffective….

Until Harry knelt beside him and took the flannel in hand. "Let me help with your feet, love? You've exhausted yourself."

Severus nodded, too tired to protest, and slumped against the back of the tub. Panting from sheer exhaustion, he watched with a strange sort of affectionate detachment as Harry ran the soapy flannel over his feet and toes. He couldn't feel it, and yet, watching Harry care for him filled his chest with sunshine and hope, effervescent and warm.

Harry lifted Severus' foot and pressed a kiss to the sole. Shock coursed through Severus at the gesture. Harry lifted the other foot and kissed his arch and toes, and Severus' heart thrummed with gentle affection and wonder.

"Harry? Why did you kiss my feet, love? I cannot feel it."

Harry gave him a bright smile. "No, but you can see it. You can see me loving you—all the parts of you. And it makes me feel good to show you love, regardless of whether your body is capable of feeling my touch or not."

A wave of intense adoration rushed through Severus, and he grabbed Harry into a deep, emotional kiss, water and all.

"You are a wonder, Harry."

Harry smiled and kissed the tip of Severus' nose. "So are you." He lifted Severus into his arms, dried them both with a spell, and carried him to bed. Having recovered enough to manage simple spells with his wand, Severus dressed himself in pants, midnight blue pyjamas, and black socks. Harry kissed both of Severus' socked feet afterwards, and guided the man to sit up, resting against his chest while Harry combed the tangles from his hair.

"Gods, I feel like a prince when you take care of me like this."

Harry chuckled softly. "A half-blood prince?"

Severus' lips twitched upwards in the barest hint of a smile. "Precisely."

"You are. You're _my_ prince."

Severus turned and brought his partner into a soft, loving kiss, hope and sparks of joy driving away the darkness of depression. With Harry to hold him, to teach him what it meant to be loved, Severus might just pull through this in one piece after all.

At least, he had begun to hope for it, and that was a miracle in and of itself.


	9. Setbacks

>   
>  _"Severus, please." Green light, white beard, dark sky, red eyes glaring, glaring, and silver robes sinking into the blackness of night. "Avada Kedavra!"_  
> 

Severus woke with a cry, bolting up and grabbing for his wand, but a firm weight held him down and gentle warmth at his back reminded him he was not alone.

"Severus?" Harry sat up and brushed Severus' damp, sticky hair from his face. "Ssh, it's all right. It's over now."

"Yes," Severus said, his voice breaking. "It _is_ over, and he is gone, and it is all my fault."

Understanding and sympathy dawned on Harry's face. "Dumbledore. You were dreaming of it?"

Severus gave a tearful nod.

Harry lay beside him again and eased Severus' shaking body into his arms. "I'm sorry, love. It wasn't your fault, though."

"How can you say that? He is _dead_! I killed him. And I deserve no less for my crimes."

"Sev!" Terror laced Harry's tone. "Please. I love you so much. Don't leave me."

Severus buried his face in Harry's neck. "I am sorry. I am so sorry. You deserve someone whole."

"I want you, Severus, regardless of whether you're whole or not. Are you… do you feel suicidal?"

"I… no. I promised I would not end my life. But I…."

Harry cradled him against his heart and kissed Severus' hair. "But you feel guilty. You feel that you deserve to die because of everything you had to do to end the war. Because of all the people who died for you. You think you don't deserve to live when they're dead."

Severus leaned back and searched Harry's face. "Yes, precisely. How do you know?"

Harry closed his eyes and gave a shuddering sigh. "Because when I'm alone and my ghosts come back to haunt me, that's how _I_ feel."

"Harry… how could you possibly—you are a hero, love! You gave everything you had to save us, even me! You deserve nothing but love and honour."

Harry opened his eyes and streams of tears poured down his face. "So are you, Sev. And so do you."

"No… no, it is not the same. I was a Death Eater, and—"

"You were a spy. The only one we had."

"But I have killed—"

"On Dumbledore's orders."

"A-and my potions—"

"Have saved far more lives than they hurt." Harry kissed Severus' forehead and held his shaking form tight. "I know it's hard to see the good in yourself when you remember all the bad things you had to do to keep us all alive. But _I_ see it. And anytime you need to be reminded, I'll be right here. I love you, Sev."

Severus buried his head in Harry's shoulder and wept. "I-I loved him. He was the father I never had."

"Yeah, you did. It was obvious even when we were fighting all the time. And you hurt yourself to spare him pain. To save us all."

"I killed him."

"You ended his pain. It was mercy, not murder, love."

Severus crept impossibly closer and whispered, "It does not feel like it."

"It was, though." Harry rubbed Severus' back and smoothed his hair. "You're still good, Severus. Still worthy of love and life and all the good things in the world."

"I…." Severus gave a shuddering sigh into Harry's neck. "I want only you."

A soft kiss fell on his ear. "You have me, love. Always."

Severus held Harry tight and let his love guide him into sleep once more.

* * *

> _"Harry…."_
> 
> _A feminine, too-quiet voice rasped his name, and Harry turned to find himself in the midst of a nightmare. Lavender lay in a bloodied heap at his feet, her face and chest torn open and every inch of her covered in gore._
> 
> _"Lavender!"_
> 
> _He knelt beside her and poured everything he had into healing her—which wasn't much—and prayed it would be enough. Only when he went to lift her up and carry her to the Infirmary did he notice the still form beside her, blood all over his face and a silver dagger in his back. Remus' dagger._
> 
> _Greyback._
> 
> _At least Remus had managed to avenge Lavender, himself, and the myriad others the werewolf had hurt before his death._
> 
> _Too-still-too-cold-too-dead. "We want you to be godfather, Harry." Too young to raise an infant on his own._
> 
> _"Teddy…."_  
> 

Harry gasped and bolted up, only to find Severus lying atop his chest and clinging to his shirt.

Severus gave a startled grunt and jerked open his eyes. "Harry? Pet, are you all right?"

"I have nightmares too," Harry said with a sniffle.

Severus nodded and held him tight. "Of the battle?"

"Of… failing others. Of coming almost too late to save Lavender. Too late to save Remus and Tonks. And Teddy. Gods, Sev—what am I to do? Andromeda has him now, but he's my godson. Am I… am I failing him too?"

Severus brushed a stream of tears away and kissed Harry lightly. "You have failed no one. Your godson is happy where he is, and Miss Brown survived."

"But she's a werewolf now, and so terribly scarred."

"That is in no way your fault."

"It's _all_ my fault, Severus!" Harry flinched at the volume of his tone, but he couldn't take it back. "They all fought and died for me. And I… I couldn't save them."

"Nonsense." Severus turned Harry onto his back and leaned over him. Harry found the weight of his body soothing and wrapped his arms around the man's waist.

"Nonsense," Severus repeated in a softer tone. "They fought and died to save Britain from the grips of a madman. Voldemort killed droves of innocents long before you were born, Harry, and if not for your bravery and sacrifice, he would have killed droves more. _He_ is to blame for their deaths. Not you. Never you."

Harry let slip a shaky breath and tugged Severus down to rest upon his shoulder, wanting to feel the whole weight of his body atop him just to know Severus was real, he was _there_ , alive and driving away Harry's shadows with his love.

"It wasn't your fault either then," Harry murmured after a moment.

Severus jumped, having obviously fallen back asleep. "Ah… what?"

"If you can blame Riddle for all the deaths I blame myself for, then the same logic applies to you."

"You were never a Death Eater, Harry."

"Again, you were a spy."

Severus sighed and heaved himself off Harry's chest. "Agree to disagree, I suppose."

Harry dragged him right back. "Don't. I need to feel you close."

"You _want_ me to lounge atop you?"

"It's soothing. Your weight. You're not too heavy and I like the… the pressure, I guess. It makes me feel safe."

Severus hesitated. "Can you breathe, pet?"

"Yeah. You're not too heavy, remember? I just… maybe just for a little while, let me hold you like this?"

Severus nodded and laid his head on Harry's shoulder. "Perhaps you might visit your godson tomorrow."

"I'm not leaving your side. And Teddy goes to a day nursery during the week anyway. Maybe I can have him here for a bit this weekend, if that's all right with you?"

"Mm, yes. If it makes you happy."

The crushing anguish and guilt on Harry's heart eased, if only a little. "Yeah. It would."

"Good."

* * *

After a night full of nightmares and shared griefs, both men slept in late and woke up exhausted.

Harry dragged himself out of bed and kissed Severus on the forehead. "Go back to sleep, love. I'll make us breakfast and wake you when it's ready."

Severus tugged Harry down for a quick kiss. "Thank you. For staying by me last night."

"Mm-hmm. Thank you too, Sev. Go back to sleep."

"You are certain?"

"Yeah. You need rest more than I do right now. It's okay."

"Mhn."

Severus turned halfway over—Harry helped him move his legs the rest of the way onto his side—and was asleep within seconds. Warmth and love flooded Harry's chest at the sight of him, fast asleep and hugging a pillow in lieu of his partner, long hair mussed and one shoulder peeking out of his half-buttoned pyjama top. Harry kissed the exposed skin and tugged the blanket over his shoulders.

"Sleep well, love," he whispered and tiptoed away.

After an internal debate, he cast a monitoring charm over the room. It would alert him if Severus went into despair or needed help, but would not interfere with his routine in any other way. Gods, he hoped Severus would understand his need to watch over him.

With a deep breath to settle his nerves, Harry set about making currant scones and clotted cream. He made coffee and fried some bangers and eggs, too, unsure if his partner would be able to eat the latter, but at least Severus would have plenty of tasty options to choose from.

Severus wheeled himself into the room just as Harry scooped the last of the bangers from the pan, a slight frown creasing his brows and his cheeks red with exertion. "Harry, did you cast a charm on me?"

Harry's stomach flipped and his heart pounded. "I… yes. It was a monitoring spell. Nothing too invasive—I only wanted to know if you needed help in case you didn't have the strength or the will to call for me. I would have asked, but you were already asleep."

He fidgeted with his apron and stared at the floor. He'd only wanted to keep Severus safe, but what if Severus couldn't understand? Would he be angry?

A heavy sigh sounded across the room, and the _whir-pat-whir_ of Severus' wheels. Harry flinched and trembled, closing his eyes in preparation for a blow.

Severus' hands slid up Harry's thighs, embraced his waist, turned him around so his back was to Severus, and pulled him down. Harry gave a startled gasp at the strength in Severus' touch and stumbled backwards, only to be caught and held in strong arms. He flushed at the feel of warm, slender legs beneath his bum and gentle hands caressing his waist.

"Do not fear me," Severus whispered against Harry's ear. "Please. If you do something which angers me, we shall talk about it like adults and partners. I will not simply cast you aside or harm you."

Harry released a shuddering sigh and leaned back against Severus' chest, slowly relaxing in his arms. "You… you're not angry?"

"Had you cast a more invasive spell without my consent, I would have been. But you only wanted to keep me safe." Severus kissed Harry's shoulder and neck. "Thank you, pet."

Harry reached back and tangled his hand in Severus' hair. "Yeah, I was only afraid you might fall or have a nightmare that made you… well, I just don't want to lose you."

Severus nuzzled Harry's hair. "I understand. You did nothing wrong. Relax, love."

Harry sighed and turned into Severus' touch, meeting his lips in a soft kiss. "Are you okay like this? I'm not too heavy?"

"Mm, it is difficult to tell, but no, you should not be. I am heavier than you are, I think."

Harry kissed him once more and stood. "I'd feel better holding you since you can't tell if it's hurting your legs. And I'm not sure your wheelchair is designed to hold two. But if you want to hold me like that, we'll sit together on the sofa later, with me between your legs rather than on them. Is that okay?"

Severus nodded. "Did you make scones?"

"Currant, and I made some fresh clotted cream for them, too."

Severus' lips twitched upwards, just a little.

Harry kissed him lightly. "Do you like currant scones then?"

"I am unsure how you knew, but they are one of my favourites."

"Really?" Harry beamed. "Fate must have been giving me a nudge." He went to make Severus' plate, but the man shook his head and budged Harry aside.

"I need to take care of myself as much as possible, love, and I am capable of this much."

Harry kissed Severus' temple. "All right. I'm just used to serving when I cook, but if you want to do it yourself, that's fine with me." He watched over Severus surreptitiously—though the man probably knew anyway. Severus' left hand trembled, but he managed to make a plate for himself with no major catastrophes, and Harry joined him once he had finished.

"Dig in," said Harry with a grin.

Severus finished his plate.

* * *

After breakfast, Severus Summoned what little research he had managed to compile on paralysis since his recovery and before his attack and spread it across the freshly-washed table. A small well of hope had begun inside his heart. Perhaps together, they could conquer this.

Harry had brought Hermione over to help Severus organise his research while he went to the Council to get the mains turned back on and run errands. By the time he returned—arms full of groceries and a duffel bag of his belongings from Grimmauld Place slung over one shoulder—Severus and Hermione had nearly finished.

"Hello, love, 'Mione." Harry set his groceries on the counter and kissed Severus' cheek. "How did it go?"

"We're almost got this sorted," said Hermione with a smile, "but I need to go back to work soon."

"That's all right. Can you stay long enough for me to take my things upstairs and put up the groceries?"

"Sure."

Harry kissed Hermione's cheek in thanks and went about the kitchen like a mop-topped whirlwind, putting groceries away—and in Severus' preferred order—in five minutes flat. It took another five to unpack his belongings from Grimmauld Place, and by that time, Hermione and Severus had finished organising his notes.

Harry bounded into the kitchen and settled across from Severus. "All set?"

Hermione nodded and stood, draping her purse over her shoulder. "It was good to work with you, Severus. You're quite the genius."

Severus flushed and looked away. "I… thank you."

Hermione squeezed his shoulder. "You're welcome. Harry, call me if you need anything, okay? I'm off work at five tonight and all week, but Ron can do mornings and Luna is free in the afternoon. Neville has Friday and Saturday off too, if you need help then. And Bill can come by Thursday if you need him, unless Fleur has to work. And—"

Harry gave a soft laugh. "Hermione, Merlin. Did you ask every person we know for their work schedules last night?"

She flushed. "N-no, I just like to keep track in case something happens."

Harry's smile faded. "Oh. I understand that then. Well, thanks, Hermione. I'll call you later if we need you, but we should be okay now that I've had the chance to run our errands."

She nodded and kissed Harry's cheek. "See you later, and good luck with the cure."

"Did you have any ideas?"

She shrugged. "It's not a field I've ever researched, but I'll look into it."

"All right, thanks."

Hermione left, and Harry took her pile of notes with a wry grin. "All right, love. Let's get started and see what we can do."

Severus gave him a tentative smile, hope and love warm in his chest.

But after four hours of passing theories and rebuttals back and forth with no real progress on a potential cure, hope had dimmed to frustration and despair. He would never brew again. He would simply have to accept it.

Harry sat next to Severus and rubbed his back. "Sev, love, maybe there's a way around your difficulties if we can't cure it, though we'll keep trying. In the meantime, what exactly about your arm is preventing you from brewing? I had thought physical therapy had improved your control, at least to some extent."

"It is not my lack of motor control. Well, it _is_ , in part, but that is a surmountable obstacle with time and effort. It is the lack of stability in my hips from the paralysis. I can lower the table to the height of my wheelchair—and I have done—but even so, I still must lean on one of my arms to maintain any semblance of control. And as I need two arms to brew, I cannot lean on my left side and stir at the same time."

"Could you use a spell to stir? Or to pour?"

"It would alter the chemistry of the brew. At best, the result would not be what I intended to make, but at worst, it could kill us and everyone within a mile radius."

Harry shuddered. "Dear Merlin. No magic in the potions apparatus then." He paused. "But wait. Could we magic _you_? Could you use a spell to take the pressure off your hips without blowing up the lab?"

Severus hesitated. "I could use magic upon my person safely. What spell do you have in mind?"

"Something like _Mobilicorpus_ , but turned the opposite way."

Severus grimaced. "That spell does not technically affect the _person_. That is why it is used in medical emergencies—it does not actually alter the patient's original position other than to turn them off of their face. It changes the air molecules around them, forming a solid wall of air under their stretcher."

"Oh. So it would be as dangerous as spelling your tools."

"More so, as it would affect any ingredient and unfinished brew within my vicinity."

Harry winced and flopped back in his seat. "Then that definitely won't work. What about your flight spell? Would that do the trick?"

"That _does_ alter only my person…." Severus dropped his head and sighed wearily. "But I cannot maintain the flight spell for more than a few moments. Even at my power level, it is far too much of a drain. I would be in complete magical exhaustion in five minutes."

" _Merlin_. No wonder no other wizards but Riddle have dared try it." Harry crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "It's really so draining, even if you're just hovering?"

Irritation rendered Severus' tone sharp and biting. "Have you reverted to your student days? That is what I just said!"

Harry's expression turned stern. "Severus. I'm trying to help. I'm not your enemy here."

Severus dropped his head and tugged at his hair. "I am sorry. I am… I cannot…."

"It's okay." Harry wrapped him in a hug and held him tight. "Ssh. You're just frustrated. It's all right. I didn't expect to find the answer the first time."

"I… I do not believe we will find an answer at all."

"Don't give up." Harry moved back and Banished Severus' research to the upstairs study. "That's enough for today. You're at your limit, and I'm out of ideas for now. Let's go pop in one of those movies Hermione lent us and relax. I'll make popcorn while you're getting cosy."

Severus stared listlessly at the empty table, defeated and weary. Empty. At that moment, nothing mattered any longer. He hadn't the energy to go on.

Harry stood and sought out the popcorn Kreacher had brought the day before, but soon set it down and knelt in front of Severus instead.

"Hey, what's the matter, love?"

Severus hadn't the energy to respond, either.

"Sev…." Harry lifted his face and rubbed his cheeks. "Love, look at me. Please."

Severus dragged his eyes to meet Harry's.

"There you are." Harry searched his face, and after a moment, shook his head. "You're just not up to a film, are you?"

Severus shook his head slightly and returned his gaze to his knees.

"Are you tired, love?"

He managed a wan nod.

"Well then, let's put you to bed. We can take a little kip before dinner. Unless you're hungry now?"

Severus shook his head again. He hadn't the energy to do anything but sleep.

"All right. I'm still pretty full from breakfast myself, honestly. Do you want me to carry you?"

Carry him. Gods, he wanted to be held then. Just to be safe and loved.

"Y-yes," he whispered.

Harry gently lifted Severus into his arms and cradled him close. "It's all right, love. I can see you're exhausted. We'll go rest for a bit and do the films later, maybe, if you're feeling better after a kip."

Severus doubted he would be, not in _this_ state of weariness, but he gave the man a slight nod and laid his head against Harry's shoulder.

"Right, off to bed for you." Harry carried him into the bedroom, undressed him down to his shirt, pants, and socks, and settled him under the covers. "Is that better?"

Severus nodded and turned into the pillow. Gods, he wished Harry would stay, but… maybe the man had plans. Harry wasn't this broken shell of a person, after all. It wouldn't be fair to ask h—

But Harry was already undressed and climbing in bed beside him before Severus could complete the thought.

"There we are," he murmured, and brought Severus close within his arms. "That's where I want to be."

"What?"

"Holding you. I'm happiest with my arms around you."

Severus sighed and buried his head in Harry's shoulder. "I… I don't understand, Harry. Why do you stay? Surely you are bored and tired of dealing with my issues by now?"

Harry simply turned him onto his back and kissed his forehead, his eyebrows, the corners of his eyelids, his cheekbones, every feature of his face, saving his trembling lips for last.

"I stay because I want to, Sev. I love you. I'm not going to leave you."

Tears slid down Severus' face. "You could be making a career, and you are stuck here trying to hold me together."

"I don't want to make a career right now, love. I haven't the slightest idea what I want to do, and I've never had time to heal from the war. I've never had a break." Harry wrapped Severus in his arms and covered them with the duvet. "I think we both need that, don't you?"

Severus released a shuddering sigh and buried his face in Harry's neck. "I do not deserve you."

"You do, love. You absolutely do. And it's not about deserving me anyway. True love doesn't come with conditions. You don't _have_ to deserve me. You don't _need_ to entertain me. You don't even have to love me back. I love you regardless. Not because you're a hero, though you are that, but just because of who you are. Because you understand me. Because you're intelligent and funny and loving. Because I think, when we get you past this depression, you and I will have a good chance to make a real go of this, and I want that. I want you by my side, even on your bad days."

Severus buried his face in Harry's chest and struggled to breathe through crashes of powerful emotion. He was lost at sea, adrift in pain and love alike, and he could hardly think for the maelstrom within his heart.

But Harry's love offered a light in the storm, and so, he leapt. He reached for his lifeline on the raging sea, and prayed Harry would be there to save him if he fell.

With a harsh sigh, Severus clutched Harry close and whispered, "But… I do."

Harry kissed him lightly. "You do what, love?"

"Precisely. I… I l-love you." 

Harry sucked in a sharp breath and cupped both sides of Severus' face. "D-did I hear you right, Sev? You love me? Honestly?"

Severus closed his eyes and nodded once. "Since the night you broke through all barriers of hatred and cruelty and rescued me regardless. Since the moment you washed my face despite my sharp nature, held me in your arms despite everything I had done to hurt you, and… and when you came back, after I lashed out at you so cruelly, when I blamed you for my pain. You came to help me, though you thought I would be angry for it. You forgave me, though I deserved only your antipathy. I loved you then, my Harry, and it has only grown stronger since."

Harry stared, tears rimming his eyes and his mouth agape. "Oh… I…."

Severus' entire body trembled and his heart was pounding in his ears. Harry wouldn't turn him away, would he?

"Oh, _Severus_." Harry gave a soft cry and caught him up, pressing tear-wet kisses to the side of his face, his ear, his hair, his mouth—everything he could reach. "I love you so much."

Severus gave him a weak smile and tucked his head under Harry's chin, where he felt safe and protected. "Have you heard it before, pet?"

Harry kissed the top of Severus' head. "Not nearly enough. Hermione says it sometimes, and Ron told me once, but you're the first one who's ever loved me like this."

"Ginevra did not confess?"

"No. We never really had time before the war, and after it, well, she knew I wasn't… as invested as she was. I could never even go beyond a snog. I tried to make her happy nonetheless, and she tried to make me happy too, but she's known from almost the day the war ended that I wasn't as straight as I thought."

Severus frowned. "You are a virgin then."

"Um, yeah. Is that a problem?"

"No, pet. I only wish you had had the opportunity to know what it felt like to enjoy a full partner before you saddled yourself with a broken man."

Harry turned Severus' face up and kissed him, soft, slow, and loving. "You _are_ a full partner. And when and if we make love, no matter how we do it, I know it's going to be brilliant. It'll be brilliant for you too, do you know why? It'll be the first time we've ever made love with someone who loves us." He frowned. "Or will it be for you?"

"No one has ever felt much regard at all towards me, let alone loved me, Harry. You are the first and only person to ever show me such tenderness." Severus curled into his arms and struggled to fight back tears for the hundredth time that day, or so it seemed. "I _will_ heal one day, won't I, Harry? I do not wish you to be burdened with my pain forever."

Harry lifted his face once more and kissed him softly. "Remember, Sev, you're not a burden. Even when you're miserable and broken, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're my light, my hope, my dream. When I knew I loved you, I never really thought you'd give me a chance. Knowing you love me too… oh, Severus. It's the best gift I've ever received."

"Happy early birthday, then."

Harry snorted. "Best present ever." He kissed Severus' nose and cradled him closer. "I know it seems impossible now, but you'll be okay one day, love. We mightn't be able to fix your legs, but you'll learn to overcome it. Maybe we can invent a hoverchair or something to give you back your mobility, or—oh!" Harry bolted up, a bright grin on his face. "Sev, I know how to give you the ability to brew again! Your flight spell—as it is, it's too big of a power draw to maintain it, but what if we altered it to be just a hovering spell? If we could alter it to work just enough to keep you an inch or two off the ground, do you think it would still drain you?"

Severus blinked, struggling to make his sluggish mind grasp onto Harry's idea. "I… I do not know. At the moment, I am unable to extrapolate the possibilities."

"You're just not feeling well enough to focus."

"No."

Harry settled beside him again and kissed his forehead. "Then let's just rest here and hold each other. It's okay to sleep if you need to. Depression tires you out, I know."

"Harry, how _do_ you know? I am not sure where such profound understanding of my illness is coming from."

Harry's eyes filled with hollow, quiet pain. "The summer I lost Sirius. I do know he was an arsehole to you, and I don't expect you to forgive him or anything, but to me… he was all I had left, Sev. The only family I had who loved me. When he died, I lost all hope of having a parent, a guide—anyone to take the awful pressure from my shoulders. And I loved him too, so much. Between that, the prophecy, my relatives' hatred, and everything else I was going through at the time, I fell into a depression like this. I was absolutely miserable all summer and part of sixth year."

"And you had no one to help you."

"Well, not until school started at least."

"Was that what healed you? Your friends?"

Harry gave Severus a wry smile. "In part, but they were both irritated with me then. They thought I was obsessed with Malfoy, so they weren't _quite_ the allies I needed at the time. It was your book that saved me—the Prince. From your poetry in the margins and your notes, I knew you felt as low as I did sometimes. I knew you were struggling with the same things I was. And it helped, to know I wasn't alone."

Wonder and pain filled Severus' heart in equal measure. "My book?"

"Yeah. Hermione didn't understand why I couldn't put it down, but you felt like a _friend_. And I needed one—one who understood darkness as well as light, and as much as I loved Ron and Hermione, they didn't. Not then. You saved me, love. And now it's my turn to save you."

Tears blinded Severus. "I broke you. The night on the tower, and—"

Harry brushed a soft kiss across Severus' lips. "Ssh. It’s over now. I only wanted you to know how I understand how you feel. I don't blame you for my grief, love. The war hurt me, not you." He kissed Severus' tears away and rubbed up and down his back in slow, firm strokes. "I know how you feel right now—you're tired and foggy and too empty to go on. So just rest with me. You can just lie here in my arms, or talk, or sleep, and maybe tomorrow you'll be feeling well enough to think on the spell better."

Severus nodded and cuddled under Harry's chin again. "You are so gentle with me, my Harry. I may be sorrowful for a long while yet—I do not know—but I am beginning to think I will overcome it, one day, as long as you are here with me."

"You will, love. You're the strongest man I know. One day, we'll look back on these days and smile, because even in our pain, we managed to fall in love. We'll remember this as the time when we first fell for each other, and we'll be able to sort the happy memories from the bad."

Severus' voice came out soft and uncertain. "Will we truly?"

"Yeah, love. One day." Harry kissed the top of Severus' head and held him tight. "It'll be okay, Severus. It's a long road, but we'll get there together. Just hold onto me when you need strength. I'll be there."

Severus sighed into Harry's throat, comforted in spite of the hollow ache inside. He lay within his partner's arms, half-dozing, letting Harry's love slowly bring him out of his daze. He wasn't sure how long had passed in the silence of approaching evening when he finally found the strength to speak again.

"Harry?"

Harry gave a startled snort and jerked awake. "Hmm? What? Oh, sorry, love. I must have fallen asleep."

"It is no trouble, pet. I was halfway there myself."

"You can sleep if you need to, Sev. It's okay."

"Perhaps I might, but first I need to speak to you."

Harry nodded and leaned up a little, so he could look into Severus' eyes. "What is it, love? Are you all right?"

"I think I will not be well for a long time, Harry, but I am better than I was." Severus took Harry's hand and held it to his heart. "It is only that I realised while you were sleeping that I have been selfish."

"Severus… sweetheart, you're not selfish, you're _sick_. You need help right now because you have an illness. That's not being selfish."

"That isn't what I meant, love, though I thank you for the reassurance." Severus closed his eyes and sighed. "Your story of your past reminded me that you are still grieving too, Harry. You lost the last of your family in the war. And you have not been able to see your godson while you have been taking care of me, or your friends, or anyone else who cares for you, though I do as well, immensely. I fear I have been taking too much of your resources and giving nothing in return."

"Sev, Teddy's coming this weekend. And I told you, my help isn't an obligation. All I want from you is to see you smile again."

"I know, my love, but I fear that you need support now as well. And I wish to let you know that you may also come to me if you are in need of help. I do not know how well I can heal you right now, when I am so broken myself, but I will try. If nothing else, I will hold you as you have done for me, and try to ease your pain."

Harry brought Severus back into his arms. "Thank you, love. I'm… well, I'm honestly too worried about you at the moment to focus on my own grief, but I'm sure it'll come back eventually. I'm relieved to know you'll be here for me when it does."

Severus wrapped Harry within his arms and sighed into his throat. "I love you and wish to see you smile as well. And, perhaps, in caring for you when you are sorrowful, I will find some purpose for myself. Either way, I will be here in whatever capacity I can when you are in need of me, beloved."

Harry rubbed Severus' back and kissed his hair. "Right now, worry about healing yourself first, Severus. I _am_ grieving, but I'm honestly okay at the moment."

Severus nodded and lay in Harry's arms, just drinking in his warmth, breathing his scent. Harry kept up his slow, gentle strokes up and down Severus' spine the entire time.

After a while, Severus murmured, "I am sorry I ruined our plans for the evening."

"They're not ruined, just changed. We're just having a bit of a lie-in today. Maybe we can do our movie date tomorrow."

"A date?" Severus' heart thumped and a flutter of nervous excitement quivered in his chest—only a little, but it was enough to relieve the crushing weight of his apathy, if only for a moment.

"Mm-hmm. Just because we're staying home doesn't mean it can't be a date."

His first date. Merlin. Severus kissed Harry's collarbone and smiled hesitantly. "I am… pleased to accept your invitation for the following evening, my beloved."

Harry hugged him tight. "It's a date then. For now, let's just take a kip until you're feeling better, love. That okay with you?"

"I am tired, yes. Thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for, but—oh. Wait a tick before we get too cosy. Kreacher?"

The elf appeared with a bow. "Yes, Master Harry?"

"Please have a pot of tea ready for us at eight and wake us up, if we're sleeping. Severus will need to take his potion then."

"Yes, Master. Is you be wanting dinner too?"

"Hmm. Maybe just some soup and sandwiches, Kreacher. Something light."

"Kreacher is happy to serve."

"Thank you, my friend."

With a bow and an expression of utmost gratitude and loyalty, the old elf bowed and apparated away.

"Now that's done," Harry murmured into Severus' hair, "let's take a kip. I'm pretty tired myself."

"Yes." Severus sighed into the warmth of Harry's arms, relieved to have found such an understanding partner. Maybe they really _would_ be happy again, someday.

Until then, Severus was content to be here, warm and safe and loved, Harry at his side.

_'Some day, I will repay you for all the kindness you have shown me, my beloved. Somehow.'_

Harry sighed in contentment and snuggled Severus close, a soft smile on his face, and Severus thought perhaps he already had repaid him, just by loving him.

"You are truly a miracle, my Harry."

Harry mumbled Severus' name and cuddled him closer, and Severus let his love guide him into dreams.


	10. The Journey

After a morning spent tending the garden and gathering the day's harvest, Harry made paella for lunch. He'd seen the recipe on one of Petunia's cooking shows once. He had no idea why the woman watched them when she made Harry do all the cooking, but then again, he supposed _someone_ had to cook when they weren't dumping all their chores on him.

Severus pushed his mostly empty plate aside and wiped his face. "That was as delicious as usual, Harry. Where did you learn to make it?"

Harry set the dishes washing while he shared the story.

"I am relieved that you need never return to that godsawful house." Grief and remorse darkened Severus' expression. "Harry, I am sorry. That I could not save you. That I pretended not to care, not to even _see_ your suffering. You were a child in my care, and I failed to protect you. I… if I could, I…."

Harry sat beside Severus and took the man into his arms. "It's over, love. You couldn't have done anything publicly to help me, no, but I'm betting you tried in private, didn't you?"

Severus sighed and laid his head on Harry's shoulder. "I told Albus of the abuse, but he insisted you would not be safe outside the blood wards. He suggested I might see to your safety myself, if it so troubled me."

Harry pulled back with a dark scowl. "Wait, you're telling me he knew and did _nothing_?"

Severus shook his head. "Not quite. Harry, Albus was human too. He had fears and flaws as much as the rest of us do."

"Of course, but what does that have to do with anything?"

" Everything. You recall he ran with Grindelwald in his youth?"

"Yeah?"

"Before Albus assumed the headmastership, Defence Against the Dark Arts was simply known as the Dark Arts. Under Dippet, students not only learned to defend against dark magic, but also learned the theory of harmful dark magic, though not the incantations, and how to cast magic that is technically dark, but helpful nonetheless. There are certain healing spells, for example, that are considered dark because they drain some of the caster's health or energy to heal the patient, but they are highly effective in an emergent situation."

Harry's stomach dropped into his feet. Oh gods. He swallowed hard and clutched Severus' hands.

"Sev, those spells—would they have saved you if I'd known them? Saved your legs?"

Severus shook his head slowly. "The spells are designed to save lives, not heal permanent injuries. Had you tried, it may well have cost you your life, and it still would not have spared me. They exact a cost, as I have said, so they are only used to bring a patient back from the verge of death and stabilise them. _Vulnera Sanentur_ works in much the same manner, though without the dark elements. The fact that it is a specific counter and can only heal one type of wound as well as the added power of chanting magic make it as potent as a dark healing spell without the need to drain its caster."

"Oh." Harry rubbed Severus' fingers. "Well, that's fascinating, and I'd like to learn it too, but what does this have to do with me? I'm really confused."

"It comes down to this, Harry. Albus changed the Dark Arts course to Defence, removed all dark references from the library, and passed your protection on to me because of a deep fear of the dark arts in all their forms. He had, before his sister's death, become both incautious and addicted to the dark arts, but afterwards, he had such a soul-deep change of heart and allegiance, it called a phoenix to him despite the dark leanings of his youth." Severus paused and gave Harry a wry smile. "You are so loving and kind and good, my love, I would not be surprised if Fawkes or another phoenix should choose you as their human one day."

"If they come for men who've had soul-deep changes of heart and turn their powers to good, then I think it's more likely one will come to you, Sev."

Severus' breath caught. "But I—"

"You are the most beautiful, loving, wonderful man in the entire world." Harry kissed him lightly and held his face. "And after everything you did to save us, everything you sacrificed for our safety, you deserve a phoenix far more than I do."

Severus gave a tearful snort. "Perhaps one shall choose us both."

"Or a mated pair."

"Or that." Severus kissed Harry's forehead. "Thank you. I do not know if we shall ever find ourselves the companions of a phoenix—or a pair of them—but the fact that you believe I am worthy of such a gift… it helps."

"You are, Sev." Harry dropped his hands to Severus' again. "So I take it that whatever spell you used to protect me from them is dark?"

Severus nodded grimly. "It falls under the realm of mind control, which is dark even when it is done to aid someone. Not the _Imperius_ , but a mind ward which forced the Dursleys to turn away in fear whenever they considered harming you, and to feed you whether they wished to or not. I hope it made your last two summers there less unpleasant?"

Harry nodded and laid his head on Severus' shoulder. "They just left me alone. I still had to cook all their meals and do a lot of chores, but they didn't abuse me and they did feed me."

"Good." Severus wrapped his hands around Harry's and traced his thumbs across his palms. "I am sorry I could not take you away."

"You did what you could, love, and more than anyone except maybe the Weasleys. Don't beat yourself up over it." Harry squeezed his hands. "Thank you, Sev, for protecting me even when you couldn't."

Severus gave him a wan smile. "It was not enough."

"You kept me alive, love. You shielded me. It's enough for me."

A shuddering breath rushed through Severus' lips. "I tried, at least." He kissed Harry's hands. "Come. I am feeling a little better since yesterday. Perhaps we might try to work on our research again."

Harry gave him a warm smile. "I really think your flight spell is the key, if we can just figure out how to lower the cost." He rubbed his chin in thought. "Is it dark, love?"

"Yes. That is why it is so draining."

"Hmm. Would it be possible to make a new spell designed just to make you hover but not at the cost of all of your magic?"

Severus frowned. "I… perhaps. It is worth looking into."

Harry scooted close and wrapped his arm around Severus' waist. "Then let's work on it together. Any ideas?"

"I… not yet, but what if we try it and it does not work?"

"Then we'll go back to the drawing board and try something else." Harry brushed a kiss across Severus' cheek. "Even if I have to hold you up, we _will_ find a way to get you brewing again somehow, love. There might be equipment to help, but that's probably uncomfortable and something you couldn't use for a long stretch at a time, so I think the spell is our best option. But if we can't make it work, we'll keep trying until we find something that does, okay?"

Severus nodded, tentative hope shining in his eyes. "Yes. I… yes." He took a deep breath and Summoned his spell journal. "Here is the spell I designed for flight. It draws from the caster's core to give them the power to defy nature, but no one is strong enough to maintain it for long."

"But would a hovering spell defy nature?"

"Not to the extent that true flight does, no."

"Then it might be doable."

Severus gave him a hesitant nod and set to work.

* * *

Three hours later, Severus' frustration had reached a breaking point. Nothing he tried worked and he had begun to lose hope.

He tugged at his hair and growled. "Harry, I can't—this is not working."

Gentle hands guided Severus' fingers out of his hair and soft lips brushed his knuckles with kisses. "Okay, love," Harry said with a smile. "Then we're done for the day. We'll work on it more when we can think clearly. And maybe when Hermione is free to help."

"But… what if we cannot find a way?"

Harry kissed Severus' forehead. "Remember what I said before, love? Even if it's hard, we'll keep trying until we find a way to help you brew again. I'm not going to give up. I promise you, I'll never give up."

At Harry's resolution and devotion, the fear and dismay clouding Severus' heart drained away. He took a deep breath to steady himself and squeezed Harry's hands. "I—yes. I shall not give up either. Though I fear I will need your strength for some time yet."

"That's okay. You can borrow from my strength as long as you need it." Harry kissed him and stood. "What do you say we start our date now?"

"I suppose it _is_ getting rather late." Severus wheeled himself backwards. "I will arrange the VHS player. You make the popcorn."

Harry kissed his cheek. "All right. Let's watch _The Wizard of Oz_ first, since we're both interested in that."

"Very well."

Severus rolled into the living room and fussed with the VHS player until it gave a little whine and turned on. Another moment of fussing, and he had the telly working as well, in spite of the magic permeating the house. With that finished, he put in the tape and skipped through the previews, pausing at the start of the film. Satisfied, he wheeled himself to the sofa, braked his chair, and heaved his body onto the cushions just as Harry emerged from the kitchen with a giant bowl of fragrant, yellow puffs and two tall glasses of lemonade.

"You're going to get thirsty before long," said Harry with a grin. "Trust me. Anyway, here—try a bite."

Harry lowered the bowl, and Severus took a handful. With a sniff of delicious warm aroma, he popped the kernels in his mouth and chewed curiously.

"Oh, that _is_ good."

Harry grinned and levitated their drinks to the coffee table. "It's a movie night staple." He cradled the bowl against his chest and folded himself into the seat beside Severus. "There we are."

Severus wrapped his left arm around Harry's shoulders and tugged the popcorn between them, settled on both of their laps. "Right. Now, are you ready?"

"Sure am. Should I…?" Harry waved his wand about, but Severus shook his head.

"Magic and electronics do not mix." Severus clicked the remote, and the credits began.

Harry let out a sound of contentment and curled into Severus' side, a happy smile on his face. Severus pulled him closer and kissed Harry's hair. Gods, he was a lucky man to have found a partner like this. The thought surprised him, given the dark cloud that had hovered over his mind so often as of late.

He sighed and laid his head against Harry's shoulder. Maybe recovery wasn't as far away as he had thought.

_"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too."_

"She reminds me of Umbridge," said Harry with a wicked grin.

Severus couldn't suppress a snort.

Then, Dorothy began to sing, and Severus' heart flooded with desperate hope and sorrow at once.

_"Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,_  
There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby."

Oh. Severus clutched Harry tight. Over the rainbow… _was_ there a rainbow in his own life? Would he ever find that mythical land?

_"Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,_  
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true."

Dreams. Once he had dreamed of a happier life. A medical apothecary, a home, and a family. He had wanted, once, to save people. He had wanted, once, to raise children and shower them with all the love he had never known.

Tears slid down his face and dropped off his chin. Where had he strayed?

_"Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me…."_

Clouds… misery… pain… could he ever truly leave it behind?

_"Where troubles melt like lemon drops—"_

He sucked in a sharp breath, closing his eyes around another wave of tears. _"Sherbet Lemon, Severus?"_

Despite the fact that Severus had never much cared for any sweets beyond chocolate, he found himself wishing he had taken one. Wishing Albus could be there to offer him one of those godsforsaken sweets that moment.

Did he even deserve to dream, when he had murdered the one man he loved as a father?

_"It was mercy, Severus, not murder."_

Was it? Was anything he had done forgivable?

_"Away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me."_

Above the chimney tops. Merlin, he wished he still could fly, but without the ability to land, he never would do again.

Harry's arm tightened around his shoulders, and a tiny flicker of hope entered Severus' heart. Perhaps he still might explore the skies, once in a while, as long as Harry was there to catch him.

_"Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow—why then, oh why can't I?"_

Severus' fingers clenched his leg, and the fact that he felt nothing, that he never would do again, ripped the heart out of him. Whether he ever recovered the ability to fly or not, he was still grounded, forever. He would never walk again. Maybe he would never brew again either.

_"I won't give up, Sev."_

Tears choked him. Even if they kept fighting, even if they did manage to find a way to give Severus back his livelihood, what would the future hold for him now?

"Severus?" Harry paused the film, set the popcorn aside, and lifted his partner into his lap. "Hey, love, what's wrong? What is it?"

Severus clung to Harry's neck like a lifeline and murmured, "I… what will become of me, Harry? What waits over the rainbow for me? For us?"

"I don't know, Sev." Harry kissed Severus' tears away and held him close. "But I can tell you some things. I see a nice little house in the countryside, maybe a dog or a cat—are you a dog or a cat person?"

Harry's words eased some of the crushing pain on his heart, and Severus snorted through his tears. "I am a _snake_ person, I suppose."

"Well, that works out nicely since you're dating a Parselmouth. All right, a house in the country with a couple of snakes, and maybe a dog for me, if we can find one that won't hurt the snakes, because I like them and I've always wanted a puppy."

"A black one, in honour of your dogfather. And a grey one for your pet werewolf." There was no malice behind the words. Severus hadn't the energy to hold grudges these days, and he loved Harry. For his partner's sake, he had let his hatred for dead men die along with them.

"Sev…." Harry kissed him with deep, abiding love. "Thank you, Severus. That's a lovely idea, if you're sure you're okay with it."

"I am. What else do you see, Harry?"

"Mm, a potions lab, built especially for you, with everything you need in easy reach. A kitchen with a fancy cooker and a rack of hanging pans for me—fixed so you can reach them when you need to, of course. A huge library with all sorts of books, and loads of fantasy novels for us to laugh at. A tower of films in the living room so we can watch them on date nights. A big greenhouse and garden outside, and maybe Neville and I will tend it."

A bright grin crossed his face. "There's an idea. Maybe I'll do the Herbology side of your potions business while you brew. I do like gardening."

Severus gave him a tentative nod and wiped his cheeks. "That… _does_ sound lovely."

"Mm-hmm." Harry kissed his forehead. "We could even have a family, if you want one. What do you think? Maybe a little brown-haired boy with dark eyes like his papa, and a little red-haired girl for Mum. If we can adopt her little enough, maybe we could even call her Lily. Of course, that's only if you want kids."

Severus gave a soft laugh in spite of his lingering pain. "I thought we were taking this slow, pet?"

Harry flushed and smiled sheepishly. "Well, you _did_ ask what I saw in the future. That's what I'd like to have, eventually, when we're ready for it. Just a nice, happy home and steady business for us, and a family. Whether we make it of pets, kids, or just us, all I want is to have a life with you, Sev. That's what I see over the rainbow for us."

Severus caught Harry into a breathless, loving kiss. "Yes. Let us… I want that too, Harry. All of it. Do you truly believe we will achieve it someday?"

Harry nodded, a bright smile on his face. "With you at my side, I think we'll be able to do anything we want, someday. After all, we've already survived two wars, three or four certain deaths—apiece—a dark lord, a horcrux scar, basilisks, man-eating spiders, and Lockhart. How much worse could it be?"

Severus covered a snort, then a chuckle, then burst into full-on laughter.

Harry beamed, his joy radiant and glowing in his eyes.

"There were times where I honestly wasn't sure I would survive another staff meeting with that overblown ignoramus," Severus choked out through residual chuckles.

Harry nodded, his expression mock-solemn and teasing at once. "And signing his _fan mail_ for detention?" He gave a dramatic shudder. "Merlin, I'd rather risk another go with the basilisk."

Severus buried a snicker in Harry's shoulder. "Thank you. It has been years since I laughed like that."

"What was the last time?"

Severus snorted at the memory. "When you caught the snitch in your ruddy _mouth_. I couldn't show my mirth on the pitch—in part because I was terrified for you—but when I made it back to my quarters… Merlin. The expression I made—I believe you thought I was angry because Slytherin had lost. In truth, I was simply trying not to burst into laughter in front of the entire school."

Harry grinned and cradled Severus close. "Happy to oblige."

"Yes." Severus chuckled and slipped his hand into Harry's hair. "Do you know, beloved, I think you are right. One day, those dreams will be reality."

"That's right, love." Harry kissed Severus' forehead, his eyes warm with joy and love. "We're not out of the woods yet, but just hold onto me when it gets tough. We'll pull each other through the darkness, and then we'll make our dreams come true. Just you and me."

Severus ventured, tentative but hopeful, "And our family?"

Harry beamed. "Yes, love. Our family too."

Severus held Harry tight and, against the soft skin of his partner's throat, he smiled.


	11. The Other Side

Four months later, Harry thought they had arrived. They had a beautiful home in the country, just as they had planned, with extensive gardens and greenhouses for potions ingredients and cooking alike. He enjoyed it, too. Working with the earth was calming, physical, and rewarding. They had never eaten better than when Harry cooked with their own produce, grown under his and Neville's watchful eyes. Sometimes Severus cooked too, though Harry watched over him to make sure everything was in reach and Severus didn't overtax himself, and Severus' food was just as tasty as Harry's own. Maybe all that skill with brewing had taught him to be a fantastic cook.

Either way, they had a good life here. Harry's cobra, Nira, kept the garden free of pests, as did their cat—Midnight, a sleek black mouser who reminded Harry of a miniature panther. She wasn't particularly _cuddly_ , but Snuffles, their hyperactive lab puppy, made up for that in spades. And Severus' service dog, a placid Irish Wolfhound called Diana, kept him company whenever Harry wasn't by his side. The dog always knew when Severus was sad and afraid. She would nudge her head into Severus' lap and whine until he petted her, and the act of giving his animal helper attention usually helped him recover enough to go on. And if it didn't, Diana knew how to find Harry.

They had talked about children and decided they did want a family, someday, but for the time being, Severus was still learning to cope with his disabilities. He had told Harry a few weeks before that he would only adopt when he knew he had the capability to take care of their children when Harry was away. They had decided to wait a couple of years to let Severus adjust to life as a paraplegic, but Harry couldn't help dreaming of them sometimes, those children he had mentioned to Severus so many months ago. He wondered if, when they _did_ adopt, their true children would look like his dream, or if a little tow-haired scamp would make off with their hearts, or a raven-haired girl, or a brunette with big blue eyes. Harry didn't care what they looked like, so long as they were happy, but it was fun to imagine them. He couldn't wait to meet them.

He was musing on the possibility of adopting a boy that looked like Draco Malfoy and picking the last of the outdoor tomatoes when a sudden call of his name brought him out of his reverie with a jerk. Basket of ingredients in arm, Harry came running into the kitchen, where Severus had been researching alterations to his flight spell earlier in the afternoon. As Severus had recovered, Harry had grown confident leaving him to his own devices for short periods of time, but he still got scared when Severus called suddenly.

"Sev? Love, are you okay?"

Severus gave him a hesitant smile. "I am well, love. I only had something to show you. Wash your produce first."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and kissed Severus' cheek. "Sorry, pet. One day, I promise I'll be less worried."

"I do not mind. It reassures me to know you are always here when I need you."

Harry moved to the sink with a smile. "Yeah, always, love."

Diana ruffed in greeting as he came near, and Harry scratched her behind her ears. "'Lo, girl. Keeping Sev company for me?"

She wagged her tail and licked Harry's hand.

"Good girl."

Beside her, Snuffles wedged in and nosed Harry's hand.

"Jealous, boy?" He petted the dog's head and scratched his ears too. "Hello there. Now I've got to go wash up before I get you both all dirty."

Snuffles replied with a _woof_ and ran in circles around Harry's legs, drawing laughter from his human.

"Yes, I know you like it, but you _don't_ like bath time, so let's try to keep the dirt to a minimum, hmm?" He laid his haul by the sink and started the water. "You know, Sev," he said as he scrubbed dirt from under his fingernails, "I really do like working with the earth. I'm going to love working in your gardens and keeping you stocked with fresh ingredients and good food."

Severus gave him a shy smile. "I am glad to hear it."

Between Harry's indomitable love, his potion, and his therapy sessions with Poppy, Severus had recovered over the past few months. It had been a rollercoaster, with Severus feeling good some days and miserable the next, but over the past few weeks, his emotions had levelled out, and both men had made real progress towards healing. Now Severus' smiles only looked uncertain rather than forced. Harry wanted to see him smile out of pure, unrestrained joy one day, but this sweet, hesitant happiness was a good start.

By the time Harry found a storefront for them and had a stock of ingredients to sell, he thought Severus would be well enough to handle it. He hoped to open the shop in the spring and spend the winter growing stock and finding a property to work from, but first, they had to get Severus brewing again. Harry didn't mind the wait, though. If it took another year to find a solution, then they would have a fully-stocked shop the year after. And, in the meantime, they could always sell their surplus ingredients.

Hands washed, Harry dried them on a cloth and went to his partner. "What did you need, love? Are you all right?"

His breath caught as a true smile spread across Severus' face.

"I am better than all right. Look. _Adligo Pedibus Recta_!"

Harry looked down at a flash of movement near his feet. Magical bindings wrapped around Severus' paralysed feet and fixed them in a flat position.

" _Librocorpus Eo_!"

The second spell lifted Severus from his wheelchair and set him on his feet.

"Severus! You're standing! And…." Harry craned his neck back to look up the man's lanky form. "Merlin, I'd forgotten how tall you are."

Severus snorted. "Look down, love."

Harry checked Severus' feet and gasped. He was standing on air, levitating about two inches off the ground. The binding spell kept his feet parallel to the floor.

"Oh Merlin, it's the hovering spell! Can you move with it, Sev?"

The man demonstrated by gliding around the table and back into Harry's arms, using a hand to direct himself."

"I cannot maintain it indefinitely," Severus said as he held his partner close. "But I can hold it long enough to brew at least three potions without draining myself. If I am careful to rest and eat well, I should be able to use it for three hours or so before lunch, then another three after and keep a near normal workday. Perhaps it is not the workload that I am used to, but neither is it objectionable, considering."

Harry beamed and cupped Severus' face, though he had to reach to do it. "You did it? You can brew again now, love?"

Severus smiled brightly and pointed to the sideboard, where a small cauldron sat. Harry hadn't noticed it in his hurry to answer Severus' call.

"Oh, Sev!" Harry went to the counter and gasped. The man had made a perfect Draught of Peace.

Harry looked up, blinking his tears back, and caught the nervous expression on his partner's face.

"Why are you crying, Harry? I had thought it would make you happy."

Harry crossed the room in three strides and pulled Severus down into a fierce kiss. "I am so bloody proud of you. Damn, you're amazing. I love you so much."

Severus looked a little dazed when Harry let him go. "Oh. You are happy?"

"I'm dead chuffed, Sev! This is brilliant. Gods, do you know how much I've _missed_ seeing you like this? Tall and powerful and imposing and damn sexy."

To Harry's chagrin, Severus shrank in on himself and turned away. "I am sorry I cannot maintain it."

Harry's heart panged—gods, him and his ruddy big mouth. "Bloody hell. I'm such an idiot. Sev, love, look at me." He gently turned Severus' face around and stroked his cheek. "Turn the spells off."

Severus' breath hitched, but he obeyed. Harry caught him into his arms and held him close.

"I love you like this, too. When you're trusting and brave and warm in my arms. When I can feel your heart beat next to mine and know how much you love me."

Severus' lips curved up a little. "Oh?"

"Yeah." Harry set him back in his wheelchair and kissed his forehead. "And like this. When you're just you, going about your day and surviving in spite of all the shite life has thrown at you. You're beautiful, you know that? Whether you're standing, sitting, or lying in my arms, I think you're the most beautiful man alive."

Severus' Adam's apple bobbed. "I have no idea how, but I will not argue."

"Good." Harry gave him a catlike grin. "Because I'd really like to celebrate your achievement by showing you just _how_ beautiful I find you. Every part of you."

Severus breathed out harshly and buried his hands in Harry's hair. "I will not resist."

"Do you want it, love? Or are you only going along for the ride?"

"Does it matter?"

"Absolutely. I don't want to rush you."

Severus shook his head and smiled. "You haven't done. We have been together for over four months and have hardly done more than kiss. I am ready for you too."

Harry kissed him hard enough to tip him back in his chair, supporting him with strong arms and gentle hands. Severus clung to Harry's neck and moaned, and Harry was lost.

"Let me carry you to bed," he whispered, voice rough.

Severus nodded and held on tight. Harry swept him into his arms and paused halfway to kissing him again.

"Sev, will that potion be okay in the cauldron for a while?"

"It will maintain its integrity for three hours. If I have not decanted it by then, it will begin to deteriorate."

Harry gave him a dark smile. "We'd best do it now then. We need stock for the shop next spring, and I don't plan to let you out of my arms again until dinnertime."

Severus shivered. "Merlin. Then set me in my chair and I will decant it."

"Yes, sir." Harry deposited him in the wheelchair and Summoned a stack of number five phials.

Severus hurried to decant the potion, Harry helping at his side, and Harry hauled him into his arms as soon as he had sealed the last phial.

"Now you're mine, love."

Severus shivered and wrapped his arms around Harry's neck. "Yours."

Harry brought him into a fierce kiss and didn't stop until Severus' back hit the sheets. A flick of his wrist shut the door so their too-curious pets didn't interrupt. Diana would, Harry hoped, keep Snuffles entertained. Hmm. Now that he thought of it… there. A calming charm on the door would ease the pup's distress if he feared for his humans too much.

With that settled, Harry crawled over Severus, straddling his lover, and kissed the tip of his nose.

"Sev, I've done some reading, but that isn't the same as real-world experience. If you get scared, if I hurt you, if I do something wrong, tell me. Promise me?"

Severus laced his fingers with Harry's. "I will. Promise me the same?"

"Yes, love." Harry frowned. "But aren't you more experienced?"

Severus gave a harsh laugh. "Not much more, no. It has been over twenty years, and even then, my… dalliances came few and far between."

"Oh." Harry smoothed Severus' hair back and kissed him soft and slow. "Well, it doesn't matter, love. We're together now. Forever, if I have my way."

Severus' breath hitched. "Forever?"

Heat flushed Harry's face and his heart thumped. "Shite. Merlin, I swear, my foot must be permanently stuck in my mouth by now. I was going to wait until _Christmas_ to ask you. So much for the surprise."

Tears flooded Severus' eyes. "When you do, my answer is yes."

Harry's heart leapt and his breath stilled. "Sev, _really_?"

Severus smirked, though the tears streaking his temples softened the effect. "You have not asked me yet, so I am unable to answer at this time." A true smile warmed his features. "But know you have nothing to fear."

Harry beamed all over his face. "Brilliant!"

* * *

Severus gasped and moaned at the feel of Harry's tongue across the silvery scars at his throat. "Ah, gods. I would not have thought it would be… so _sensitive_."

Harry moved back, panting. "Your scars? Does it hurt, love?"

"Merlin, no. You are setting me ablaze."

"Ooh." Harry trailed the tip of his tongue down the side of Severus' neck and wrested a cry from his mate. "Yes, lovely."

"Agh, Harry—mm, wait."

Harry pulled back again, his face a picture of concern. "You're scared, love?"

"Not… not _frightened_ …."

"Your face is so red. Are you okay?"

Severus gave a stifled laugh. "I am only embarrassed. I have never been so vocal."

"Well, you've never had anyone make love to you before either." Harry meshed their lips together and delved inside, branding Severus with his heat, his love. "Make all the noise you want. I like to hear it. I like to know you feel good."

He dropped down to Severus' throat again, dragging the edge of his teeth lightly against the scars there, and white-hot pleasure surged through Severus' entire body. He cried out Harry's name and clutched at his partner's hair.

"Dear _Merlin_."

Harry chuckled darkly against Severus' throat and tantalised him, sucking, nibbling, licking and driving Severus mad with pleasure.

"H-Harry—shite." With a gasp, Severus decided turnabout was fair play and pushed his partner onto his back. "And now, it is my turn." He hauled his body over Harry's, using magic to lift his legs, and settled their hips together. "Ohh."

Harry moaned and arched up, rocking his erection into Severus' own. Severus groaned as strong hands cupped his arse and held him in place, massaging his body against Harry's with firm pressure.

" _Vestevesco,_ " Severus whispered, and they were both naked. Sparks shot through Severus' blood wherever their erections touched. " _Oh_. Oh, _Harry_."

"Yes," Harry gasped and tipped back his chin, revealing a slim line of golden throat, flushed a dusky rose. "Yes, love the—oh, you feel so good."

Severus dropped, lying atop Harry and using his arms to rock with his partner.

"Mghn, Sev." Harry gave him a dazed smile. "And you worried you wouldn't be able to move with me. You're doing fine."

Severus panted. "It is exhausting. But I want to feel you."

"Then let me carry your movements, love. You just concentrate on feeling."

"No, I want to…." Severus attacked Harry's throat with fierce kisses, thrilling in the younger man's mewls and gasps of pleasure.

"Yesss," Harry hissed. "Wait, was that Parseltongue?"

"Still English. I am not doing my job well enough."

Harry laughed breathlessly, but cut himself off in a moan as Severus pushed against him hard. With a pant, Severus turned himself off his husband and dragged him up the bed, lifting him bodily so he could reach those tantalising brown nipples. Harry gasped and threw his head back at the first touch of his tongue, and cried out when Severus sucked it inside.

"Dear _Merlin_ ," Harry said in strained tones. "Never knew—oh, Sev."

Severus tasted the other side, familiarising himself with each bump and crevice.

He hadn't long to enjoy it before Harry turned him onto his back once more and repaid him in turn. A soft moan escaped him.

"Please," he whispered, and flushed to be found begging.

"Whatever you want." Harry moved up and cupped gentle, calloused fingertips around Severus' ears, fingers fanning to cradle him. "Anything you want, it's yours. _I'm_ yours. Always, love."

An image flickered in Severus' mind. _"All this time, Severus?"_ An argent doe, silvery beard, blue eyes glinting with tears in the candlelight. _"Always."_

It hadn't been for Lily.

"I love you, Harry," he murmured.

"I love you too."

Harry's lips trailed down Severus' torso, tracing the contours of his abdomen—more defined now that he depended on the strength of his upper body to survive—and down the wiry trail of black hair under his navel. Severus' breath raced out in stuttered pants and his heart fluttered in his chest.

"Harry…."

Harry kissed the tip of Severus' heavy erection, and his body tried to surge into the touch of his own accord. Without the ballast of his legs, he only managed to push up a little, buttocks taut, waist arching off the bed, hands clenched in the silky-smooth sheets. Wet heat swiped the tip and moved away, and Severus gave a strangled cry.

"Please."

Harry smoothed his hand down Severus' flank. "Don't worry, love. I'll take care of you. I just wanted to…." A shy smile crossed his face. "Well, I know you can't feel it, but I want you to know I love every part of you, even the parts that don't work like they always did."

Severus, dazed with desire and love, could only give him a bemused nod. Then, as Harry took Severus' foot in hand—long and lanky like everything else about him—and kissed his sole, he understood. Harry wanted to show Severus he loved him as he was, injuries and all. He nodded again, throat thick with emotion, and let himself enjoy the experience of being cherished.

He couldn't feel the soft lips whispering kisses over his arches, but watching his partner make love to his feet flooded him with desire and love nonetheless. He didn't feel the warm tongue tracing his ankles and the pads of his toes, but he heard it, the barely there slide of a long lick, the _tik_ of Harry's tongue leaving his flesh only to return the next instant, the _riss_ of Harry's stubble trailing his skin. He couldn't feel Harry's breath over his skin, the warmth of his hands, but the scent of their bodies permeated the air, filled his lungs, rich warmth and dark musk, heat tinged with the slightest tang of sweat, the apple fragrance of Harry's soap, the aroma of the earth and herbs and potions singing in his blood. He couldn't feel Harry's kisses at the backs of his knees or the way his tongue trailed up his inner thighs, but the taste of Harry's body still lingered on Severus' tongue, a promise of more to come.

Even with his disabilities, Severus' senses still reeled with the experience of being so wanted. His heart still thrummed with the knowledge that his soon-to-be fiancé wanted to touch him everywhere, accepted every part of him. His tears still flowed, overcome with the emotion and power of the moment.

He couldn't feel Harry's touch, but gods, his love branded him inside and out.

"Harry, you ar—"

His words cut off in a gasp as Harry's tongue passed the edge of Severus' nerve damage along his right inner thigh. Where there had been a void of sensation, wet fire and heat traced along his skin, all the more sensitive for the contrast of the dead nerves beyond. He gave a sharp cry and dragged his legs apart with magic.

"Ohh…." Harry moaned it against Severus' skin. "Merlin, look at you. So open. Mm. Want you so much."

"H-Harry…."

Severus mewled and grasped the sheets as Harry moved upwards once again, this time tracing his bollocks with his tongue. Gods help him, he sure as hell felt _that_. Heat and tension and tingling pressure coiled inside him, drawing tighter with every stroke of Harry's tongue, and the man had barely started.

"Harry, no more teasing."

Harry came up with a soft laugh. "Yeah? All right. Just… don't push me down too much? I… I'm a little nervous."

Severus smoothed his hand over Harry's hair. "You are not obligated to do anything you are not comfortable with."

Harry's lips curved in a soft smile. "I know, love. But I want to. Just be gentle with me."

"I swear it."

"Thanks, Sev." With a deep breath to steady himself, Harry leaned down and traced the tip of his tongue over Severus' crimson head.

" _Yes_ ," Severus gasped out and grabbed the sheets, searching for ballast in this white-hot sea of pleasure. 

Melting, fiery heat pooled inside him, burning a course through his veins and throwing his senses wide. He cried out and pushed up again, barely a half an inch, but enough to press into the open circle of Harry's soft lips. A ring of fire moved down his head, down his shaft, until half of his erection had disappeared into the snug warmth of Harry's mouth.

"Merlin," Severus choked. "Oh, oh, yes."

Harry pulled back and murmured, "Am I doing this right?"

"Sweet Circe, yes. So… so much. I can—barely breathe."

A shadow crossed Harry's eyes, a shudder and a whisper of dark memories. Severus reached for him, tugging the man up his body until Harry lay atop him, hips aligned. Softly, he blew a warm breath against Harry's cheek and held him tight.

"I am here, pet. I am warm and living and safe. And I am… content in your arms."

"Content?" Harry leaned up, his verdant eyes swimming with emotion. "Really?"

"Yes. You are my hope, Harry. And my future."

Tears dripped onto Severus' cheeks, but Harry smiled. "Y-yeah. My future t—oh." He shivered as Severus pushed up again, reminding his partner they were _busy_. "Gods, you feel good."

Harry caught Severus into a fiery kiss. Their tongues tangled and thrust, their breath mingled, and Harry's hips danced atop Severus in an urgent rush. Desire pooled in his belly and curled his toes. Gods, he loved the feel of his Harry, so hot and hard and heavy against him.

But he wanted more.

He pulled his head back with a gasp and panted, "Harry, want… please. I need—"

Harry groaned atop him. "Yeah. How? Um… do you want to take me, or do you want me inside you?"

"Logistically speaking, I think you shall _have_ to take me."

Harry whimpered in desire. "Oh gods, Sev, I want to and I will, but if you'd rather, I can ride you."

Severus' breath caught at the vivid image those words planted in his brain. Harry, wild with pleasure, flushed and hot and sweaty, bouncing up and down on his shaft and crying his name. His fingers clutched around Harry's hips.

"Next time," he said, breathless. "Next time, you may ride me to oblivion. This time, I want to feel you inside me. I have been fantasising of it for months."

Harry's eyes glowed with anticipation. "Mm. That sounds wonderful to me, Sev." With gentle care, he climbed down Severus' body and Summoned a pillow. "Help me if you can."

He draped Severus' knees over one elbow and, with the other, lifted Severus' arse from the bed. Severus used his newfound core strength to help brace his weight, and Harry tugged the pillow underneath him. The move took more effort than he would have liked.

"I shall work on a spell to aid with lifting my hips," Severus said with a frown.

"Sure, but for now, this is all right." Harry lifted Severus' legs, conjured wedge pillows on either side of him, and draped Severus' knees on the crest of the wedges, leaving them bent and spread wide. "That should do. Are you comfortable like this?"

Severus gave him a wry look. "How should I know?"

Harry laughed softly. "I meant your back, love. It's not too much pressure?"

"No. I am well. And impatient. _Do_ get on with it."

Harry snorted. " _Accio_ lubricant." A blue jar sailed from his nightstand and into his palm. "Right. Now, remember your promise? I'm going to do my best to be gentle, but if I hurt you by accident, let me know right away."

"Of course. Do you know the… spell?"

"It was the first thing the book covered. _Mundintus_."

Severus gasped at a rush of tingling pressure inside and out of him. " _Ohh_."

"Feels good?"

"Yes."

"I've barely started."

Harry traced his slick fingertip across Severus' entrance, sending bolts of tingling heat through Severus' veins. With a quiet moan, Severus lay back and lost himself to sensation. The slight burn and firm heat of Harry's finger inside, thrusting slow and deep. The deeper, fuller thrusts of two fingers. And the scorching-hot, lightning-sharp zing of Harry's wet tongue fluttering across his rim.

" _Ah_!" Severus couldn't hold back a squeal of pleasure, a cry of urgent need. " _Harry_!"

His head thrashed from side to side, his nails dug into the sheets, and, nerveless or not, his legs quivered with the intensity of his ecstasy.

"Enough," Severus sobbed. "Inside me, please. I can't—need you in me."

Harry kissed the back of Severus' thigh and scooted forwards. "You're sure?"

" _Yes_ , Harry."

Harry blushed and gave him a sheepish smile. "Sorry, sorry. Just want you to be okay." With a little gasp of pleasure, he lifted Severus' legs over his shoulders and secured his ankles with a binding spell.

Fear flickered in Severus' heart. "Harry? Why?"

"Because you can't support your legs on your own, Sev. It's just for a moment, just until I'm inside you and can hold your legs myself. Is that all right?"

With a sigh of relief, Severus nodded. "I… I do not enjoy being bound."

"Ah. I won't do this again in the future without asking and explaining then. I'm sorry, love. Do you still want…?"

"For Merlin's sake, get your ruddy cock in my arse already!"

Harry laughed helplessly. "Your wish is my command!" With a soft chuckle, he pressed against Severus' opening. "Guide me. Tell me what you want."

Severus nodded, knowing Harry would need the help for his first time topping. "More."

With a frown of concentration, Harry guided the head inside and gasped. "Oh _fuck_. So good."

"Wait," Severus gasped out. "No more until I relax inside."

"Right." Harry kissed Severus' knee and stroked his thighs, though his body trembled with desire.

Severus' body eased, and he sighed. "There. More, but slowly."

Harry obeyed, and following Severus' instructions, was soon seated within him and moving in slow, shallow thrusts.

"Oh damn," Harry panted. "Not going to last. _Sev_."

"Harry… my feet." Severus couldn't feel the ropes, but he knew they were there.

"Shite. _Finite Incantatem_. I'm sorry, love. Are you okay?"

"Better now." Severus squeezed around Harry and thrilled in the strangled groan he gave in response. "Make love to me, my Harry."

"Yeah." Harry kissed Severus' ankles and feet, set them down beside his legs, and leaned down. "Feels so good," he panted as he thrust, a babbled mantra of desire and devotion. "Love you. Want you. Gods, so hot. So… oh, _Sev_."

Severus hadn't the ability to speak beyond guttural intonations of Harry's name. He clung to his partner's shoulders, tangled a hand in that fuzzy mop, and let the crash of his Harry's body carry him away. A hot tongue circled his nipple, mouth sucking before it slid down his body with Harry's movements. More kisses, this time light and loving, peppered his breastbone and stomach. A whisper, breathed against his shoulder, assured Severus of his partner's unwavering devotion for the thousandth time.

He sought Harry's hand with his left, needing to hold onto him, and sighed as Harry's strong fingers intertwined with and steadied the permanent tremor in his own. A light kiss landed against his knuckles, sliding down his hand and back up with Harry's thrusts, and one of Severus' fingertips disappeared between soft lips and hot suction.

"Yes," Severus whispered. "More, please."

Harry released his hand with one more kiss and levitated Severus' legs enough to slide his arms under Severus' quivering knees. The sight of his long legs draped over Harry's strong, masculine arms, his feet thumping against the man's sides with every downstroke, was just as erotic as feeling it might have been. Severus' back arched and his hands twisted the sheets. _Gods_. He had never imagined sex with a lover could feel so _good_.

But then, no one had ever loved him before Harry.

He cupped his hand around Harry's jaw, sliding back over his ear and the nape of his neck. The tender touch and the way Harry's eyes never left Severus' face reminded him that this was an act of love and devotion, not simply a hunt for release and the temporary comfort of another's arms.

Harry turned his head and trailed kisses along Severus' wrist, some light brushes of lips, some wet and open-mouthed, all loving and warm.

"I love you," Harry whispered, and adjusted his grip to lift Severus' hips slightly. The change in angle rubbed something deep and throbbing inside him, and Severus arched higher, biting his lip to hold back a shout of pleasure.

"Let me hear you," Harry murmured. "Let me listen to your lovely voice. I want to hear you when you're mad with pleasure."

With a breathy gasp, Severus released his hold on his lip and gave a slow keen of pure need. "Harry…."

"I'm here, love. Gods, you're so beautiful."

Severus opened his mouth to protest, but his words came out in a moan instead. Harry pushed deeper, harder, and Severus' hand tightened both around Harry's nape and the sheets.

"Please," he gasped out, and one hand dropped Severus' leg to wrap around his shaft instead.

"Ah!" Severus' head tipped back, baring his throat, and a brush of magic—Harry's—stroked down the front, over his Adam's apple and down to the hollow, setting his sensitive nerve endings ablaze.

"Beautiful," Harry repeated, and buried himself inside his partner.

" _Harry_!"

Severus hardly had time to process his impending orgasm before he was there, splintering and breaking into pieces with the intensity of his pleasure, brought back together by the sight of his partner's face screwed up with ecstasy, by his sharp cry and gentle touch as heat blossomed within him.

" _Sev_ …."

Harry panted and gave shallow thrusts through the end of Severus' climax, then withdrew and collapsed atop Severus' chest, chest heaving, body damp with sweat.

"Merlin," Harry gasped. "I never want to hear you say you're not capable of _copulation_ again. That was bloody brilliant."

Severus gave a breathless chuckle and ran his fingers through Harry's wild hair. "It was. It is. I have never…." Words failed him and his breath lodged in his throat.

"Sev…." A soft kiss trailed his jaw and cheek to the wetness surging from his eyes, down his temples, into his hair.

"Thank you," Severus murmured, the words thick with emotion. "Thank you for saving me. For staying with me. For loving me."

Harry leaned up and gave him a soft smile. "Oh, Severus. You don't need to thank me for that. Don't you know you're the best thing to ever happen to me?"

Another tear slid down his temple, but he smiled. "I do. And I have you to thank for that, too."

"No, you have yourself. Your strength, your courage. You did this, love. I only carried you when you were too exhausted to go on."

Severus moved his hand still gripping Harry's neck into his hair and pressed him closer. "I am grateful that you carried me, Harry, and stayed with me through the darkness until I could find the light."

"Mm. Always will, love." Harry rolled to the side and trailed his fingers across Severus' chest. "Do you think we're on the other side of the rainbow now, Severus?"

Severus closed his eyes, remembering how that song had affected him. How he carried it in his heart and sang it to himself sometimes, when he needed a reminder of his dreams and the loving man at his side who had done everything within his power to make them come true.

"I do not know, my Harry, but it feels much like the land I dreamed of, beyond the sky."

"Mm-hmm." Harry nuzzled his jaw and brushed a kiss to Severus' cheek. "Are you happy, Severus?"

A slow smile spread across Severus' face. He basked in the glow of the sunny-golden feeling in his chest, the warmth of Harry's body against his side, the sight of tanned, muscled legs tangled with the slim paleness of his own.

"You know, my love, for the first time in my life, I believe I am."

Beside him, Harry gave Severus the brightest smile he had ever seen. "So am I."

He laced their fingers together and laid his head against Severus' chest, listening to his heartbeat, his breathing, a position that soothed Harry on the nights his dreams hurt too much. Often, as he lay like this, reassuring himself of his partner's life, silent tears of remembered pain had dripped down his cheeks, but the slow drops falling on Severus' ribs all but glowed with joy. With _relief_. With the same kind of happiness that Harry had brought into Severus' life the day he burst into the older man's loo and saved him from himself. Harry's staunch, indomitable love had given him strength that day and after, and now, Severus knew they had survived the coldest hours of the night. They would still have their dark days, but with Harry at his side, Severus knew he would come through them all right.

After all, Harry had given him back his wings, and his desire to fly.

"Yes," Severus murmured into his partner's form, quiet with sleep. "I am happy." With a kiss to Harry's forehead, he cast a cleaning charm, pulled the cover over them, and followed the golden road to dreams.

**Author's Note:**

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